You’ve been following my story for quite a while and you’re probably asking the question that is most often asked of those who are abused. Why? Why did you stay? Why didn’t you get away from that horrible situation?
The answer is really quite simple. We are born with an insatiable desire to be loved. I’m no different from anyone else. I desired to be loved more than anything in the entire world. Sadly, when abuse is taking place, we fail to love ourselves enough to leave. It’s that simple, and it’s that complex. Let me explain………………..
It’s been a while since I’ve written, but I certainly have not forgotten you. In all honesty, I’ve been taking care of myself following the sudden loss of my son. There are days when my heart feels so heavy that I don’t want to move. But, there are also those days that are blessed with new hope and smiles, and I am most thankful for those days.
I thought it would be appropriate to get back to my story of living with a practicing pedophile so that we can continue to understand a bit more of the mind of a predator, as well to understand much more about what happens to those whose lives are touched by the actions of a predator. Continue reading →
It’s been a while since I’ve picked up with my story of being married to a practicing pedophile for almost forty years — without knowing it. Just hearing the word pedophile pains me. And, finding out that while I was sharing my heart and soul with the man I vowed to love for all the days of my life, while I was having a family with the man I wanted to be the father to my children, while I was giving my all to my marriage — while I sincerely loved this man — he was molesting children. I cannot put into words how this has changed me. I cannot explain the lack of trust I now have. I cannot adequately choose the right words for the daily pain that has come into my life knowing that this man I loved clearly was causing pain and devastation to so many. Continue reading →
Thank you for visiting this blog once again and for sharing it with so many others. If you happen to be new here, I would strongly encourage you to start reading from the beginning of this blog on how to protect our children from practicing pedophiles. The blog entries are short, but I can’t promise you that they are easy reading because they are not. You will become uncomfortable. You will begin to question others and their motives. And, if you have been abused, hopefully there will be something you read that will help you to become empowered!
Let’s pick up where we left off the last time in this ongoing unraveling of my story about what it was like to be married to a man who molested children the entire time he and I were married. If only I had known what “red flags” to look for I could have saved children from falling into the trap of this man who used his cunning, divisive ways to lure adults and children alike into his web of lies, deceit, and abuse.
John was now a full-time preacher and for the most part he was adored by his church members — both young and old alike. He had a way of coddling the elderly into liking him immediately. He was soft-spoken, respectful, and always helpful. Let me add he was funny, too. It seems he always had a great story to tell that would get even the crankiest old person smiling.
And, we know he was a hit with kids of all ages. They clung to him — craving his attention. He was the kind of preacher they wanted and loved. Continue reading →
The last post I wrote about did me in. It drained me. So many of you that I know personally ask me the question, “How do you do it? How do you keep it all together?”. Well, the honest answer is sometimes I don’t. Some weeks I go to work and work as long and as hard as I can to avoid alone time with my thoughts. It’s too painful to go there. This life that I’m now living — alone, and the father of my children in prison for the remainder of his days on this earth — is definitely not the life that I prayed about since I was a kid. It’s not the life I asked God to bless my children with — not even close to my prayers for them or for myself. And, yet the harsh reality of it all is that this is the life we now have. It’s up to me to learn how to pick up the broken pieces and go on with some kind of grace and strength. It’s up to me to try my best to keep it together for my kids and grandkids that I love with every ounce of my being. It’s up to me to love myself enough to build some kind of a life that can serve as an example to others who also are going through the fires of hell on this earth — and I am convinced there are many who suffer through horrible pain every day of their lives.
That being said, thank you so much for continuing on in this journey with me. What was it like? What was it like living with a man who was a practicing pedophile for almost forty years? How does it feel to know now what I didn’t know then? Continue reading →