There is a question that will forever plague me. Where was my help when I needed it? Did I hide my abuse that good? Did I fake it so well that nobody saw even a hint of what was happening? Did my husband have everyone so fooled that they didn’t believe he was capable of any wrong in our marriage? Continue reading
You’ve been following my story for quite a while and you’re probably asking the question that is most often asked of those who are abused. Why? Why did you stay? Why didn’t you get away from that horrible situation?
The answer is really quite simple. We are born with an insatiable desire to be loved. I’m no different from anyone else. I desired to be loved more than anything in the entire world. Sadly, when abuse is taking place, we fail to love ourselves enough to leave. It’s that simple, and it’s that complex. Let me explain………………..
I can remember the night so well. We hadn’t spoken in several days. He was too busy, away, or was too tired. I was a stay-at-home mom with a house full of kids all ages and stages and I wanted some time alone with my husband. So, for the hundredth time I asked him, “Can you give me some time tonight?” And, for the hundredth time I got a blank stare kind of like the one that translates, “I have no clue what you’re talking about, but I’ll go through this routine again to get you off my case.”
As I waited for him to come upstairs from his office, I was nervous. I didn’t know exactly what I was going to say, but I knew I had come to the end of the rope. I couldn’t go on living like this. We weren’t a couple. We were two people living in the same house with a bunch of kids. The kids were driving me nuts — there were too many of them for me to take care of 24/7 by myself. I was depleted. I felt stretched to the limit. By now, I had seven kids in ten years (not to mention the miscarriages) and I needed the help of a husband. I wanted a companion. I wanted my soul mate!
But, he wasn’t around. And, when he was home physically, he was absent emotionally. Something was wrong and it needed to be fixed! Continue reading
Today I’m going to veer off the highway just a bit and talk about something that has cropped up time and time again in my writings about being married to a pedophile. There was never any physical abuse to me in this relationship, but there was a high level of emotional abuse. And, the question has come up over and over again asking me why I stayed in this marriage. In fact, the question is a nagging one to a lot of people as to why so many women stay in abusive relationships.
I don’t claim to have all of the answers, but I do have the answers that are mine, so I’ll speak to you from my heart. Why? Why did I stay in a relationship that I knew was abusive almost from our wedding day? Continue reading