I Was an Abused Wife: Why Didn’t Anyone Help Me?

There is a question that will forever plague me. Where was my help when I needed it? Did I hide my abuse that good? Did I fake it so well that nobody saw even a hint of what was happening? Did my husband have everyone so fooled that they didn’t believe he was capable of any wrong in our marriage? Continue reading

Married to a Pedophile: The Worst Thanksgiving Ever!

Thanksgiving was always among my top three most favorite of all holidays, but there is one Thanksgiving that will forever be a total nightmare — a disaster — and the one that will always stand out as the absolute worst.

It was always our family tradition to have a time of “giving thanks” prior to eating our meal.  We would go around the table and say the things we were most thankful for, and then we would end with a prayer.  This is a beautiful tradition, I think, and one that brings a family closer together and helps us all to appreciate one another more.

However, there is one Thanksgiving that was horrid, and that is putting it mildly.  As you know by now, our marriage was far from thriving.  In fact, it was pretty evident that our marriage was crumbling.  So, this was going to be a sad Thanksgiving, and    Continue reading

Married to a Pedophile: What Does It Feel Like?

Thanks so much for visiting this blog and a very special thank you for so many who continue to refer others to read this blog.  I really and truly feel like lives are being changed as we educate others on this highly sensitive topic of pedophilia as well as emotional abuse and manipulation.

If you’re new to this blog, I’d suggest you begin reading my story here.  For almost forty years I was married to a preacher and the father of my eleven children.  This man who I loved with all of my heart was also someone I didn’t know.  Much to my horror, he was also a practicing pedophile who molested children for almost fifty years.

My heart is broken.

When I found out that this man I lived with, ate meals with, worshipped God with, vacationed with, shared intimate times with, had children with was also a man who lied, manipulated, controlled, and molested children my life was forever changed.

Today was one of those “off” days — the kind where you just wish you could stay in bed.  I know we all have them.  Maybe it was the weather, or maybe just weariness of mind, body, and spirit.  A bright spot of  the day, though, was being a guest speaker at Allegany College of Maryland.  My topic was “An Introduction to Grief:  How Do We Climb Out of the Pit?”.

allegany college

I don’t know why, but I felt the need to have a family member with me, so I invited my son Jimmy.  And, I was so glad that he said he’d go with me!  We had two hours to talk together while driving to and from the college — something we’ve not had time to do in a long, long time.

We talked about the usual everyday things of life, and then the tone shifted.  We were quiet for a few minutes, and then…………….

“Why, Jimmy?  Why do you think dad did these things?  Continue reading