Author Archives: Clara Hinton

Married to a Pedophile: The Climbing Ivy Exposed So Many Secrets!

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Thank you for visiting this blog once again and for sharing it with so many others.  If you happen to be new here, I would strongly encourage you to start reading from the beginning of this blog on how to protect our children from practicing pedophiles.  The blog entries are short, but I can’t promise you that they are easy reading because they are not.  You will become uncomfortable.  You will begin to question others and their motives.  And, if you have been abused, hopefully there will be something you read that will help you to become empowered!

Let’s pick up where we left off the last time in this ongoing unraveling of my story about what it was like to be married to a man who molested children the entire time he and I were married.  If only I had known what “red flags” to look for I could have saved children from falling into the trap of this man who used his cunning, divisive ways to lure adults and children alike into his web of lies, deceit, and abuse.

John was now a full-time preacher and for the most part he was adored by his church members — both young and old alike.  He had a way of coddling the elderly into liking him immediately.  He was soft-spoken, respectful, and always helpful.  Let me add he was funny, too.  It seems he always had a great story to tell that would get even the crankiest old person smiling.

And, we know he was a hit with kids of all ages.  They clung to him — craving his attention.  He was the kind of preacher they wanted and loved. Continue reading →

Married to a Pedophile: What Does It Feel Like?

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Thanks so much for visiting this blog and a very special thank you for so many who continue to refer others to read this blog.  I really and truly feel like lives are being changed as we educate others on this highly sensitive topic of pedophilia as well as emotional abuse and manipulation.

If you’re new to this blog, I’d suggest you begin reading my story here.  For almost forty years I was married to a preacher and the father of my eleven children.  This man who I loved with all of my heart was also someone I didn’t know.  Much to my horror, he was also a practicing pedophile who molested children for almost fifty years.

My heart is broken.

When I found out that this man I lived with, ate meals with, worshipped God with, vacationed with, shared intimate times with, had children with was also a man who lied, manipulated, controlled, and molested children my life was forever changed.

Today was one of those “off” days — the kind where you just wish you could stay in bed.  I know we all have them.  Maybe it was the weather, or maybe just weariness of mind, body, and spirit.  A bright spot of  the day, though, was being a guest speaker at Allegany College of Maryland.  My topic was “An Introduction to Grief:  How Do We Climb Out of the Pit?”.

allegany college

I don’t know why, but I felt the need to have a family member with me, so I invited my son Jimmy.  And, I was so glad that he said he’d go with me!  We had two hours to talk together while driving to and from the college — something we’ve not had time to do in a long, long time.

We talked about the usual everyday things of life, and then the tone shifted.  We were quiet for a few minutes, and then…………….

“Why, Jimmy?  Why do you think dad did these things?  Continue reading →

Married to a Pedohile: Studying the Bible with a Pedophile

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Thanks so much once again for continuing to read, digest this information, share, and comment.  I truly believe that our voices are being heard and will ultimately make a difference.

Last week we took a side-step from the progressing story of the red flags that I should have seen during my almost forty years of being married to a pedophile.  The subject of manipulation and spousal abuse is a bigger one than I imagined and deserves its own special attention.  After reading so many of your comments, I am beginning to understand the magnitude of not just pedophilia, but of abuse in general.  It literally breaks my heart. I’m beginning to understand more and more the emotional turmoil of so many people in bad relationships.  This kind of pain – emotional and physical abuse – leaves scars that run deep.  Clear to the soul!

Let’s continue today with the story of my life living with a pedophile.  Sometimes the weeks went along uneventfully and there wasn’t much that seemed out of the ordinary.  Other times there were things that stuck out and caused so many questions – questions that never really had good answers.

One such question to John was this:  “Why you are driving over one hour to pick up two mentally disabled girls to have a Bible study with them?  They don’t understand much of anything you’re saying, and you know that!”  Continue reading →

Married to a Pedophile: A Letter from an Abused Wife

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Thank you so much to all of my readers and for the thousands who are now sharing this blog.  You have no idea how much this means to me!  God is using my brokenness to help others who are in the grip of an abusive relationship or who are being physically abused and molested to speak out and break free!!!  I believe with all of my heart that together we are making a difference!

Last night I received a message from someone I have never met telling me that she would love to get the courage to speak up about her abuse.  Her husband (who will not agree to divorcing her — talk about control!) continues to harass her and bully her children and unfortunately we do not have laws to help innocent victims such as these until something more horrible is done.  And, even then, our laws are so weak that it’s difficult to prove abuse in a court of law.  That, to me, has got to stop!

I encouraged this lady to write something — anything — and by writing it would dilute the power this man holds over her and give her some empowerment.

Through tears, I’m sharing with you that she got the courage to write a blog post.  She said, “I have no followers.  I must remain anonymous for fear of what he will do, but I was inspired to write this.”

I’m so proud of her for gaining a bit of strength. She’s gained just a wee bit of freedom.  And, she did something! 

Here is what she wrote with the link back to her site.

Clara Hinton – a modern day Heroine

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“For the past few months I have been avidly following the blog of Clara Hinton – Married to a Pedophile.  And although I have never met Clara in person, I am so in awe and inspired by her courage and spirit. She is also an amazing mother to eleven children – her son Chris, described her as a saint! She also has lots more grand children. Over the years, Clara suffered terrible psychological abuse at the hands of her preacher/pedophile husband, John. At the same time, he led a secret life which involved sexually abusing children in his parish (and community). Clara’s abuse lasted for around 40 years until she plucked up the courage to leave. Of course that was not the end of the story because controlling, abusive men never just let their wives walk away peacefully or seek a win: win compromise. They just can’t do it and it is really because they are sick and need help! But due to the very nature of this illness, they won’t admit to themselves that they need help and continue to turn on others, usually those who are closest to them.

Clara’s husband was a well respected Preacher and pillar of the society, and no-one initially could believe that he was capable of such hideous behaviour, as his public persona was totally different to his secret, dark side.

Here is the link to Clara’s blog:  http://www.findingahealingplace.com

I urge everyone to read Clara’s blog for her own in-depth account. Thankfully, Clara’s husband is safely behind bars now for abusing children so the children are now safe from him. Clara’s family really are an inspiration to society because of their strength of spirit and authenticity. They are now left picking up the pieces of the devastation that has been left behind, but they are doing so in such a dignified and sophisticated manner. Clara & her son Chris’ authenticity have inspired me to try do the same when faced with a really difficult life situation.

As you can see, this story has really got my attention and resonates often with me in a very personal way, as I too was married to a psychologically abusive man. Although thankfully he is not a pedophile, he is however a deeply damaged person who uses control, manipulation and threats to try and keep his weird and warped agenda together. After seeking the advice of experts, I now believe that he suffers from Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Like Clara’s husband John, in public my husband could not be more charming, charismatic and helpful. But look a little more closely and there are many red flags which should warn others of such dangerous personalities. This blog is really difficult for me to write as it brings up lots of emotional pain to the surface. But if my story, like Clara’s can help and educate other young men and women about the signs, then hopefully it will help people avoid or be able to get out of these highly damaging relationships much sooner than Clara and I were able to. We all deserve to live free and authentic lives, so trust your vibes people!”

Do you know how proud I am of this woman for getting the courage to not only read my blog, but to write some of her story?  This took guts!  It took inner strength!  It took her everything!  I doubt I will ever meet this lady, but I know one thing.  She has a voice and she’s using it to speak out!  And, this is how each of us will make a difference!

Her husband is not a pedophile like mine is, but he is an emotional abuser — a bully, and a man who controlled her to the point of fear. Not all emotional/psychological abusive people are pedophiles, but all pedophiles are emotional abusers.

It’s time to get better laws on the books.  It’s time we speak out loud and strong and in big numbers to put an end to all abuse — physical, emotional, psychological, and abuse used by pedophiles — the entire gamut, including molesting our innocent children.

Will you help me in this mission?  Help bring awareness to the forefront!  Thank you so much for continuing to share the words written on this blog with thousands of others each day.  We really and truly are making a difference.  There will be a day when this horrible cycle of abuse is no longer tolerated!

Love,

Clara

PS  The next post will continue on with my story:  Married to a Pedophile: The Most Unusual Bible Studies

 

Married to a Pedophile: Games Pedophiles Play

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Thanks so much for continuing to read my story of what it was like being married for almost forty years to a practicing pedophile without knowing it.  This continues to be the most difficult journey of my life to date.  Every time I think that progress in the realm of grief is being made, there’s some kind of trigger – a setback – that puts my mind in a place where I question everything and everyone – the trust issues are horrible.  I look at people and in the back of my mind I’m thinking, “You’re such a fake.  How can I ever believe you?”  And, then I feel terrible for thinking this way, but………there’s a reason for my lack of trust.  Living with a man who had a “secret dark side” as he himself described it to me in a letter from prison does horrible things to you.

And, so it was that I found myself sinking into that dark place of mistrust and grief this holiday weekend.  Thank God for family and friends who called me (not at all knowing how I was feeling).  They were my life-lines.  They pulled me back to a place of feeling somewhat normal – somewhat okay.  A place where I wasn’t so alone with my thoughts.  Sometimes that’s the only way to cope with the pain that’s left behind.

That being said, let’s pick up where we left off last week.  John’s office became his secret hideaway.  As I said, never had I been given the liberty to enter his office unannounced, and never, ever was I allowed to enter in the mornings, nor did I ever hold a key to his office the entire time we were married.  Looking back on this one thing, I can see how fully John controlled me.  I wasn’t “allowed” to enter his secret place.  How absurd is that?  Now I can see the control; then I didn’t.  

Note:  When a person is being abused, often they don’t understand the concept of control as being abuse.  You become conditioned to it, and after you get worn down emotionally, there is a feeling of defeat – no desire to fight back, and then there is a feeling of dependency on the abuser. The thought of making the simplest of decisions on your own isn’t in your realm of thinking.  Why?  Because the abuser has enforced this idea into your head in a million different ways:  “You cannot live without me.  You cannot think without me.  You cannot make decisions without me.”  And, so the victim stays and allows the abuse to continue.  There is a paralysis of sorts — a total feeling of helplessness and the inability to survive away from the abusive situation.

John was all-consumed in planning for this church New Year’s Eve party for kids. Continue reading →