Tag Archives: Clara Hinton

Married to a Pedophile: “When Every Man is Seen as a Pedophile”

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The conversation today was actually very deep and solemn and beautiful on many levels.  We spoke of all of the pain in this world — especially the pain that comes to little children.  We talked about ways we could help take better care of the children in our community.  We were both sad that we felt as though we should be doing more, but didn’t know exactly what to do or how to do it.

And, then it happened.

I looked at the man with eyes that saw him as another pedophile and I knew I had to end the conversation.  I knew that sick feeling that was overcoming me meant I had shared far too much of “me” with a man I hardly knew.  I understood that feeling of betrayal and that complete lack of trust.  How dare this man I hardly know enter into a conversation about my heart, my deep inner feelings, and my beliefs!

I felt betrayed!  I felt physically ill.  Suddenly I didn’t like this man and I wanted Continue reading →

Married to a Pedophile: A Meeting with the President

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If you’ve been following along with my story about being married for almost forty years to a practicing pedophile, you know that we finally separated.  But, it wasn’t because I knew that he was a pedophile.  Far from it!  That knowledge wouldn’t come until four long, heart-ache filled years later.

Living in a fog — that’s the only way I can describe the first few weeks of our separation.  The one thing I dreaded most in life — a failed marriage — had finally become reality.  And, even worse was the fact that everyone would know that I was a failure.  I live in a small community and because our family was so large, we always seemed to be a topic of conversation, and this was definitely a topic people loved discussing!

Our minds can only take so much pain at a time so I retreated into the well-known fog of grief.  And, one of the greatest coping skills for those who are living through trauma is denial and the inability to think straight.

However, I didn’t have that luxury.  There was a mortgage payment to be made each month.  There were two daughters to take care of, and there were stacks of bills that needed immediate attention.  I had no idea how to do it, but one thing was certain……..  Continue reading →

Married to a Pedophile: When the Abuse Continues

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Last week’s post caused quite a stir.  So many people resonated with this part of my story.  The emails have been pouring in saying, “If I didn’t know better, I would think I’m reading my own life’s story!”  That’s both wonderful and so very sad.  The sad part is that this abuse continues to be so prevalent in our society.  The wonderful part to me is that victims are beginning to get enough courage to speak out, and they’re being heard!

And, every time a victim of child sexual abuse speaks out there is one more step being taken towards healing.   A large part of my goal with this blog is to help victims of abuse to become “survivors of abuse”!  Just the word SURVIVOR equates with STRENGTH! *I hope that each of you will listen to the 6 minute video included in this paragraph.  It’s a powerful message of hope and healing!

Let’s continue on with my story.  After John left me and the girls, I had a multitude of worries, the first being, “How am I going to pay the mortgage?”  Other worries were along the same line.  “How will I pay for the utilities — gas, phone, electric, fuel oil?”  “How will my daughters go to college?”  “How, how, how?  Dear God, how can I do this alone?”  Going from a two family income to a one family income in the blink Continue reading →

Married to a Pedophile: When the Shockwaves Hit!!!

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If you’ve been following my story, you know that on March 17, 2007 there was a life-changing event that took place.  That was moving day! John Hinton made the decision to leave his wife and two daughters and move into a home with a son and daughter-in-law.  He also made the decision to cause a lot of pain!

Looking back seven years, almost eight years later, I don’t know how the girls and I survived.  I really don’t.  That was a hard, hard time in life for us.  I’m not saying it wasn’t difficult and painful for the rest of the family, but we were the ones who lived through this pain first-hand.  We were caught in the middle of this emotional mess, and it was far from an easy transition!

As I said in the last post, I was left holding that piece of paper given to me stating the terms of separation.  So, what did I do?  I did what probably most people would have done when in a total state of shock, panic, and denial.  Continue reading →

Married to a Pedophile: March 17 — The Walls Came Tumbling Down!

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How do you move on beyond a day like the most horrible Thanksgiving ever?  Truthfully, when you want to fight hard for your family, for the values you believe in, you sometimes just take the pain and move on.  And, that’s just what was done.  We went on and had Christmas with the entire family home.  But, it was much different this particular year.  It was quiet.  It was awkward.  It was lacking laughter and joy!  It was as though everyone was walking on eggshells not knowing what to do, not knowing what to say, and not knowing what to expect.  One thing we knew — we didn’t want a repeat of our Thanksgiving!

That particular week of Christmas is mostly a blur to me.  As a way to cope, we can trick our minds into not remembering horrible pain and heartache, and that is just what we did.  We didn’t allow ourselves to feel much of anything for fear of experiencing that horrible pain and brokenness once again.

The winter months were lonely.  I worked long hours — in fact, most nights I stayed at work very late not wanting to go home.  At this point in our lives, I was still shut down emotionally with John.  In fact, I didn’t even want to sit at the dinner table with him.  We spoke very few words to each other.  And, it was miserable — terribly miserable    Continue reading →