Married to a Pedophile: When the Abuse Continues

Last week’s post caused quite a stir.  So many people resonated with this part of my story.  The emails have been pouring in saying, “If I didn’t know better, I would think I’m reading my own life’s story!”  That’s both wonderful and so very sad.  The sad part is that this abuse continues to be so prevalent in our society.  The wonderful part to me is that victims are beginning to get enough courage to speak out, and they’re being heard!

And, every time a victim of child sexual abuse speaks out there is one more step being taken towards healing.   A large part of my goal with this blog is to help victims of abuse to become “survivors of abuse”!  Just the word SURVIVOR equates with STRENGTH! *I hope that each of you will listen to the 6 minute video included in this paragraph.  It’s a powerful message of hope and healing!

Let’s continue on with my story.  After John left me and the girls, I had a multitude of worries, the first being, “How am I going to pay the mortgage?”  Other worries were along the same line.  “How will I pay for the utilities — gas, phone, electric, fuel oil?”  “How will my daughters go to college?”  “How, how, how?  Dear God, how can I do this alone?”  Going from a two family income to a one family income in the blink Continue reading

Married to a Pedophile: The Secret Chamber

Thanks so much for visiting this blog!  You have no idea how much your presence means to me.  I feel like I’m connecting with friends and people who understand, and we share a common goal – protecting our children and helping stop this horrible cycle of child molestation.

If you’re new here, please be sure to start here.  This is an easy read – I write straight from my heart and you won’t find any fluff.  “It is what it is.”  I’ve found that’s the only way I can write.

We left off with our move to Pennsylvania following John being fired from his job as youth minister in Oklahoma.  I’ll be upfront with you and let it be known right off the bat that this was not a place where I wanted to be.  This area of the country is known as snow country.  It has mountains and long, cold, dreary winters.  I grew up in Southern Jersey right along the shore and my heart will always be connected to the ocean.

Worse, though, than the location was the situation.  I was sickened at the thought of being a preacher’s wife.  I struggled so much with low self-esteem issues and now I knew without a doubt that I was going to live under the scope of eyes watching my every move as well as every move of my children.

John’s one promise to me had been that we’d never be a preacher’s family, yet here we were – committed to doing just that.  We were now officially part of this thing called “ministry.” John had not prepared for ministry.  He was a business major gone sour.  He couldn’t keep up with the math classes.  So he changed his major, and then persuaded his professors to create a title for his specialized course — Religious Education.  He was the first student at Oklahoma Christian College to graduate with this degree.  Talk about manipulation! Continue reading