Married to a Pedophile: Behind Closed Doors

Posted on January 3, 2014 by Clara Hinton

I’m writing this with a very mixed bag of emotions. Who wants to talk to the world about what goes on behind closed doors in their bedroom? And, who wants to talk about this when family and friends are reading? I know for a fact that I don’t want to talk about it, but there have been so many questions people have asked me that I feel compelled to write at least a little bit about this topic because it’s so very important to know how a pedophile can love children in an unnatural way, be enamored with them, get totally turned on by them, think about children day and night in sexual ways, go to great lengths to make up master plans to touch them, fondle them, get them to do things to stimulate themselves as well as satisfy the predator, and then eventually cross that line of actually having sex with a child — all the while having a relationship with a wife.

I do not know the “all” of this, nor do I claim to be an expert on this topic. What I do know is what it was like for me to be married to a practicing pedophile for almost forty years.

If you are new to this blog, I strongly suggest that you begin at the very beginning of my story. This blog is written in increments that are building blocks of information that will help you piece together the red flags that should have set off an alarm with me, but didn’t. It is my hope that as you read, you will be able to identify the warning signs so that you don’t have to go through forty years to find answers.

So, what was it like? What was the sexual part of married life like? We had eleven children together and people have constantly made comments about what a wild sex life we must have had. Hmmm…..not hardly. Not so at all. In fact, most times if I didn’t initiate sex, there would have been none.

Night after night after night I would go to bed waiting for some kind of physical touch. I would have loved holding hands. A kiss goodnight. A hug. Anything. But, part of the control as I understand it now was to make me cry. To make me want. To make me feel needy and small and insignificant and unappreciated. To make me feel unattractive. Unloved. Unwanted. Yes, even in our earliest years of married life together “I” was the one who had to constantly ask for some kind of physical intimacy. How humiliating to be sharing this!!!

You might be wanting to ask a question I get asked frequently. “Were you a virgin when you got married.” Yes, I was. And, John said he was, although now I don’t at all believe that. I dreamed about my wedding night and how wonderful it would be to present my body to the man of my dreams knowing that he was the one and only man I’d ever given myself to in that way. Sadly, the entire episode was over in 5 minutes and I was made to feel cheap and dirty.

Was he pushy? Sometimes. I’ll not share on this blog details but there were things that John did to me that made me wonder what was going on. This was the same man who never had sex with a light on. Never allowed me in the bathroom with him. Never would dream of stepping into the bathroom when I was showering. He acted like he was totally uninterested. At times he acted totally disgusted if he saw me unclothed. And, he was. Now, I know and understand that.

I can’t put into words how cheap this made me feel.

I used to listen to some of my friends talking about having to push their husbands away because they wanted sex all of the time. Not mine. In fact, on many, many occasions he couldn’t perform even when we’d gone as long as a month or more without any intimacy. I now know why. He was fulfilling himself with porn and visions of little children, and later on with groping, touching, fondling and eventually having sex with children. He didn’t need me or want me.

My heart feels broken all over again — for those precious children who were used and abused. And, I’m angry that he used me as a way to conceal who he really was — a man who was not interested in adult sex. That was NOT his turn-on!

Sexual intimacy between husband and wife is a complex means of communication. Yes, it is a physical fulfillment for both, but it is also an emotional bond of love and a means of saying, “You’re the most special person in this world and the only one that I am willing to share this part of myself with.” To be denied that type of communication within a marriage hurts to the very core of a person’s heart.

After years and years of “torment”, and this is what the sexual deprivation/demand cycle was for me, I shut down and finally decided to move out of our bedroom. It was like something inside of me snapped — the final straw. I don’t know how I mustered the courage, but I finally said “no” to him. I no longer would lay in bed and cry myself to sleep when he turned his back on me. I would no longer reach out for him to hold my hand. I no longer would accommodate him when he wanted to have intimacy (which was very rarely).

And, he was shocked! We had many arguments the last five years together over this. I now understand that his control over me was beginning to unravel and I’m sure that was unsettling to him. I slept on the couch. Sadly, my heart hardened and I made a promise to myself that no more would I allow him to hurt me in this way. No more would I beg to be touched. No more would I cry because I was shoved away. It’s strangely true that after a while the pain becomes numb. I stopped feeling.

This part of our lives was over. BUT, the interesting thing to me was that John loved to tell stories at church that “hinted” how much we were having sex together. He’d make comments such as, “We had a wild night last night. Forgive me for such a short sermon.” Or, “Look out — there just might be another little Hinton on the way.” He knew it embarrassed me, but he also knew I’d never speak out — I’d never tell about his lies. Even now part of me feels like a betrayer — that’s just how complete manipulation and control work.

So, what were the red flags? What should I have seen that I didn’t?

1. Any husband who loves his wife will communicate with her verbally and sexually. John refused to do either. The topic was off-limits. He did what he wanted, when he wanted and that was that. Period.

2. He knew how much this “denial” hurt, yet he continued to do this making me feel humiliated when I asked. And, I’m not just talking about intercourse. I’m talking about holding hands, kissing, back rubs — any kind of touching. He said it made him squeamish and he didn’t like it. He used a lame excuse that when I touched him he could feel his blood moving through his veins and it gave him the creeps. So, he didn’t want to be touched.

3. Once I got pregnant, the sex stopped. I got pregnant easily, and for John this was a blessing. If I was pregnant, I felt satisfied. I had a baby growing inside of me and I wasn’t as interested in intimacy with him. He knew that. Pregnancy was a perfect escape for him. In fact, it was a double whammy. He had me where he wanted me — at home, and quiet. I wouldn’t beg him for any type of attention when I was pregnant.

4. He had control. Sex was when he wanted and no other time. He did not take me into consideration. He was in charge, and no matter how much I cried or tried to talk to him about it, he wouldn’t change. Period. Total control!

Of course I haven’t shared everything with you. It’s hard enough sharing this much. But, people wonder if men who are pedophiles can have sex with a woman. Yes, they can. But, I wouldn’t call the sex “making love.” I’d call it a “chore.” I’m sure some pedophiles enjoy both women and children — an even more complicated mixed bag. But, the man I was married to made it very clear that I was not the one who satisfied him. Again, very humiliating!

The bottom line is this: It’s all about control. I’ll say it again. It’s all about control.

If you are in a marriage and you are experiencing similar things “behind closed doors”, please seek counseling. This isn’t normal. This really and truly isn’t healthy for a marriage. Marriage is give and take in all areas of life!

If you are being shoved away by the very one who says he loves you, something is very, very wrong. If you are belittled time and time again, humiliated, and hurt, something is very wrong. If there is no verbal communication, generally there is also very poor intimate communication. You cannot have one without the other.

What does all of this have to do with child abuse? Truthfully, everything! Pedophiles use children to fulfill their fantasies. They often have wives who love and adore them, but they are more interested in scheming, planning, and grooming children to fulfill their insatiable appetite for children.

Please, if you are in a marriage, and you are experiencing this type of mental, emotional, and physical abuse, get help now! There is something wrong. Don’t fool yourself into thinking this is just a passing phase. I’m not saying all men who push away their wives are pedophiles, but I am saying something is wrong and you need to get help!

I hope this has answered some of your questions, and I pray that some of you have been enlightened. We need to be on guard at all times! Don’t allow a predator to come after your child in order to satisfy his unnatural, hurtful, desires for children. Please take this seriously. I wish I had been more aware of what a really solid marriage was like — in all areas of life. Learn from me. You are beautiful. You are precious. You are special. Nobody should ever have to beg for love.

And, for heaven’s sake, no child should ever be placed in an at-risk situation with a malicious, harmful molester!!!!

Please let’s do all we can to keep our children safe!!! Yes, these things are embarrassing to talk about. But, for the sake and safety of our children, let’s put our embarrassment aside and bring these things to light. This is the ONLY way we’re going to stop these predators. They’re counting on us not talking. They’re counting on us to continue to keep their lies safely hidden away.

No more! It’s time to speak the truth for the sake of our children!

Thank you for reading and hanging in here with me. Together, we will make this a safer place for our children!

Love,

Clara

Married to a Pedophile: A Constant Web of Lies

Posted on November 4, 2013 by Clara Hinton

Do you want to know how a wife of a pedophile feels? Some days sad. Some days very confused. Some days weak in faith. Some days in constant torment and pain. Some days full of questions that are begging for answers. And, some days………. mad as hell! The mad as hell feeling doesn’t come often, but when it does I really feel it to the inner core of my being. The story I’m going to share with you today is one that really gets my dander up. Why? Because I fell for one of the biggest lies ever from John and it angers me when I think of how much he must have laughed over it!

If you are new to this blog, in order to get the full story of what it was like being married to a practicing pedophile for almost forty years without knowing it, you should start reading here. The blogs are short, but each one is a stepping stone that shows just how manipulative these molesters are!

I remember this particular event so well. In fact, I saved the emails that were passed around the family during this traumatic time, and I just came across them the other day. Reading them took me to my knees. It’s so hard to read about this stuff now that I can fit the pieces of this pedophilic puzzle together!

I had gone grocery shopping on Saturday and John was watching the kids. When I came home, the house was eerily quiet. I knew something wasn’t quite right, but I didn’t know what had happened. I asked John and the kids what was going on, and they said everything was fine.

It wasn’t fine. Not at all, but I wouldn’t find out for another few days what had happened.

About Wednesday of the following week, I received an email from one of my sons who was in college. “Dear Mom, I’m not sure how to word this, but I know you’ll figure out how to talk to dad about this. I’m sure it’s nothing, but just in case there’s more to it, I thought you should know.”

The email went on to explain what had happened that Saturday when I was grocery shopping. One of my daughters had gone bouncing into my office upstairs (which was always open to everyone) thinking she could get onto my computer to do some homework. Instead, she stood frozen by what she saw!

Sitting at my computer was John. That in and of itself was a shock as he was always downstairs in his locked office where he kept his computer. She was startled at finding him there. What startled her more was what she saw!!!!

On the computer screen was some of the worst adult porn (as described to me in the email) that could be viewed. Raw, obscene, disgusting, horrific scenes and my fifteen year old daughter walked in on her dad, the preacher, viewing this.

He began fumbling to try to X out of it, but the screen was frozen, so what did he do? He turned to her and calmly asked her to delete the porn for him. He said he was working on his Sunday sermon and the porn just popped up on the computer screen and he didn’t know what to do! He was caught! Red-handed! He was caught in a horrible lie!

Needless to say, a young girl would be shocked to see her dad viewing such stuff and it worried her so much that she emailed her older brother. He took several days to think about it then emailed me.

He said, “Talk to dad about it. Mom, don’t get upset. Most men look at stuff like this sometime in their life, so maybe dad just got curious. I’m sure he has an explanation.”

I read the email probably fifty times not knowing what to do. First, I thought I’d better talk to my daughter. When I asked her what happened, she burst into tears. She said, “Mom, it was horrible. The pictures I saw where awful. Everybody was naked. There was blood. There were things I didn’t know about. And, dad just sat there and asked me to get it off of the computer because the computer was frozen. It was sickening, Mom!”

She sobbed and sobbed and sobbed!

As I held her I kept thinking of John telling me that he used to spend his summers looking at porn when he was young. So, I knew he had already been exposed to this. But now? Not now. He wouldn’t do that! But, my mind kept wondering. He was really strange in bed with me. He never, ever used foul language — not even in a teasing way. But, it seemed as though he had lost interest in intimacy. In fact, more often than not, he would turn his back on me and just say, “I’m tired. Let’s just go to sleep.” And, he had no problem going for weeks like that. And, when he did demand intimacy, he did some really strange things. Things that made me feel less than like a lady — less than like a woman sharing a close, warm moment with the man she loved.

I was worried. Maybe there was another woman. Maybe he had lost interest in me as his wife. Maybe…..a million different thoughts raced through my mind.

That night, I mustered up the courage to bring up the topic. I was breathing erratically — so nervous. How do you approach this subject? It was awkward and embarrassing, to say the least.

“John, can I talk to you? Do you remember last Saturday when I was shopping? Did anything out of the ordinary happen while I was gone?”

He was watching TV and never even turned his head to look at me. I hated that! He never looked me straight in the eye! “Oh, you mean the mix-up on my computer? Did she tell you about that? I guess I should have mentioned it. I’m studying for a series I’m going to preach on porn addiction, so I thought what better way to find out what’s out there than to get on the computer and see for myself. So, I typed in a few words and there it was!”

“What do you mean you were studying for a sermon? You need to look at hard-core porn to study for a sermon?”

“Sure. Haven’t you read what Dr. Dobson has to say on the subject? That’s where I got the idea from. He said if you haven’t seen it, you can’t preach about it. You have to view the porn to get into the mind of the guys who get hooked on it. So, I have to look at some of this stuff if I want my sermon series to be effective.”

Do you want to know what’s weird? I believed this lie one hundred per cent! In fact, I apologized for ever questioning John. I said I’d talk to our daughter and reassure her that he was just prepping for a sermon. And, I never brought up the subject again!

How many red flags and lies can you see in this one story? I’ve thought a million times over why John used MY computer upstairs to do his dirty work. He never used my computer — he had his own private, locked office with his own computer. I think this was another one of his tests. How much would I believe? How dedicated to him were his children. Who would we tell about this? Would we make a big deal? Or would we believe his lies once again?

Shock. Lies. Denial. More lies. Control. Making a person question themselves. Making a person feel bad for ever questioning his motives.

I actually ended up apologizing to John over and over for being so stupid as to question him about this. I said, “I should have known better. I know you had a good reason for looking at that stuff. I don’t know why I ever questioned you.”

He smiled. Pure satisfaction.

So, I did what any brainwashed, dedicated wife would do. I sent out a family email to the older kids telling them that I talked to dad and everything was fine. I explained that he was researching for a sermon series and that it was unfortunate their sister had walked into my office at that moment. But, all was well and there was no need to worry.

I never brought the subject up again. Not ever. And, neither did the kids.

However, I find it interesting that I saved those emails from over fifteen years ago! In fact, I printed them off and kept them in my personal files. Deep inside of me I knew something was very wrong. I felt it. I had caught John in other lies but never made a big deal about it. My gut was telling me something was very wrong, but I just couldn’t put the pieces together!

Why didn’t I search on his computer? Keep in mind I never had access to his computer. His office was locked at all times and he held the only key to it. I also found out much later that he was very computer savvy. He knew how to hack into emails. He knew his way around a computer very effectively. He was no dummy! Still, I never questioned him. I was so intent on being a “good Christian wife” that I thought it would be wrong of me to do anything except completely believe him. He was a godly man, a godly father, and it was my duty to respect him at all times. And, I did!

Beware! Pedophiles are liars! Pedophiles are very involved in porn! Pedophiles test people. Pedophiles make sure they have won your complete trust. Pedophiles practice molesting over and over in their minds before they actually touch a child. They plan every detail. They make lists. They think of every possible scenario before making their move. They target who they will molest. They work methodically and precisely! Please get a copy of Conversations With a Pedophile. This book is a hard read, but it’s incredibly helpful! Learn about how a pedophile works from the very mouth of a man who was a practicing pedophile for years and is serving a life sentence in prison just like John!

I was trying so hard to be the Christian wife and mother — so worried about being completely trusting and all-forgiving, that I gave John the benefit of the doubt in all areas of life. And, I was teaching our kids to do the same. “Never question dad.” I was truly the perfect mate for a practicing pedophile. He pushed me aside time and time again while he was carrying out his manipulative, controlling plans in order to fulfill his evil, selfish lustful desire of children. How do I know? Because when he was arrested, the evidence was all there. And, by his own admission in court, this was his life for fifty years. Lies. Porn. Control. Child molestation.

Who is the child molester? The child molester can be anyone!

Who will be the next victim? Please don’t let it be your child! Keep your guard up at all times. Be careful who you trust! Look for the signs. Listen to the lies. “A minister has to view hard-core porn in order to teach about it.” Really? I wasn’t thinking! Does this mean that a minister has to molest children in order to teach about it? I was so incapable of thinking for myself that I tremble when I think I might have fallen for that lie, too! This is how victims are — incapable of thinking for themselves. They fall into the trap of believing the lies!

Learn from my life! Listen to me clearly! Watch for a person who is constantly studying people. Beware of the person who is “too good to be true” — always has his life in order, always in control, always helpful way beyond the call of duty, always offering to help babysit and take your children to the park to give you a break. You know what I’m talking about! And, remember — if your instinct tells you something is wrong, it probably is!

Work with me to keep our children safe! Together we can be a voice that is heard! Let’s make it so hard for these manipulative liars to get to our children that they finally walk away and give up!

Love,

Clara

If you are interested in having me speak to your mom’s group about putting plans in place to keep your children safe, please email me at clarahintonspeaker@gmail.com . I want to help!

Married to a Pedophile: The Bunnies that Disappeared

Posted on October 28, 2013 by Clara Hinton

Sometimes I hesitate to write certain stories from my life that were “red flags” about John’s secret life as a practicing pedophile because quite honestly it’s hard to write about these things and it’s shamefully embarrassing to me that I didn’t at least tell someone — anyone– what was going on. I think that’s the cry of every person who has been emotionally abused — fear of nobody believing you and also fear of being called stupid for putting up with so much wrong. I lived with both fears.

This story is graphic and if you are weak in the stomach, please do not read this one.It’s very difficult for me to think about, and I’ve tried and tried to shove it out of my mind, but the images are burned there forever. I will share only because I believe this information is important for you to know — this is information that clearly shows something was wrong with John. He was a gentle, kind person, and he was also one of the most cruel men I’ve ever known.

If you are new to this blog, I’d suggest you begin reading here. It will help you to get a bit of a background of the unfolding of how this mystery came to be solved.

By now, our kids were older and we had allowed them to have pets. Our oldest daughter chose a doggie, and he was adorable. He slept with her and he was truly our spoiled family pet. We had the usual parakeets, turtles, and fish, but this particular year one of the kid’s friends from school had some bunnies to give away so of course all we heard from morning ’til night was, “Please….please can we have a pet bunny? I promise to take good care of him. I’ll play with him and teach him tricks. I’ll feed and water him every day.” And, on and on it went. Well, as it turned out, we visited the farm, the kids chose their bunnies, and we came home with three of them. They were adorable!

The kids wrapped them in little blankets while John put the finishing touches on their bunny cages. They would stay in the side yard during the warm months, and during the winter months they would be brought into our garage for protection from the cold. The kids had used their allowance for the feeders, the straw, and the bunny pellets which they ate. And, so we became a family with a pet dog, several kittens, and now playful bunnies. Every day after school the kids would play with their pet bunnies in the yard. That is until they began growing larger and got a bit too frisky for them. Rabbits have sharp claws and they can give a pretty good bite, too!

It wasn’t but a couple of months into the pet bunny ordeal that the kids came to me and said, “Do you think we can give the bunnies back? They’re mean and they aren’t fun to play with anymore.” That was fine by me because quite truthfully I felt sorry for those rabbits always cooped up in their cages. What kind of life is that?

I talked to John about calling the farm to see if they wanted the rabbits back, but he stopped me on that idea. “No way! I have a better idea. We don’t have to call the farm. I’ll find a home for those little rascals on Saturday.”

Hmmm….I had no idea who John was giving the rabbits to, but I wasn’t at all worried about it. I was just glad that those poor things would find a good home. Our kids were afraid of them, and they just weren’t getting the attention they needed.

Saturday rolled around and I asked John if he was still taking care of the rabbits. “Yep. It’s a done deal. I’m going to wait ’til the kids are down for a nap.”

Nap time came and John went outside. He said, “I’m going to take care of those rabbits now.”

“Okay. Thank you!”

This is the part that is very hard for me to share. It’s grotesque and barbaric. It was so out of character with the man I thought I knew.

After about thirty minutes, John walked into the kitchen and said, “Hand me a baking pan. I’m cooking rabbit for supper.”

I froze in my spot in the kitchen. No. He wouldn’t do that to the kids pet rabbits. No way would he do that. John loved to hunt, but my goodness — these were family pets!

I could feel myself starting to cry. “What did you do? Please tell me! What did you do?”

John looked at me with a half grin, half smirk on his face as he calmly said, “We’re having rabbit for supper. Those things were hard to kill. They kept running around in their cages. I had to hold them down while I got them.”

My body is shaking as I’m telling this story because I truly became afraid of John that afternoon. For the very first time I knew with full assurance that he was capable of doing atrocious things. He said he took a hammer from the garage and hit each one on the head several times to kill them. He literally smashed in their skulls, skinned them, gutted them, and then wanted to prepare a feast with the pets he had just murdered.

I dropped to my knees screaming and I thought I was going to vomit. John had the most odd look on his face as if to say, “What is wrong with you? I’ve just brought home supper and this is how you act?”

He took the baking pan and brought in the rabbit meat as I sobbed and wondered how to tell the kids what had just happened. Do you know what? I don’t even remember what they were told. I’m drawing a blank. I want so badly to completely forget that scene, but it’s one that will never be forgotten. I saw a side of John — an evil, malicious side — that I never knew existed.

He breaded the rabbit meat and cooked it as he hummed a song in the kitchen. No, I did NOT eat any of the meat. I couldn’t bear to look at it. I just kept replaying over and over in my mind what it must have been like as he threw blow after blow onto the heads of those rabbits until they died.

I looked at John from a distance as he sat eating his rabbit meat, and I saw evil. I felt the evil. I knew at that point that something was terribly wrong, but I didn’t know what it was. He had crossed a line and had gone into territory that was reserved for those who were mentally ill, only he didn’t see it that way. He never thought there was a thing wrong with what he did! In fact, he said that was the best rabbit meat he had ever eaten!

The red flags were there! Something was very wrong with this man who could intentionally plan on killing his children’s pet rabbits in such an inhumane way and then sitting down at the dinner table and eating them. That look on John’s face — that sneer — was frightening. He looked like a different person. I knew from that moment forward that he was capable of inflicting pain on the innocent without feeling any remorse. I had seen it with my own eyes, but I didn’t know what to do.

Do you see what was going on here? John had crossed safe boundaries — he had exposed part of his dark side to me and I reacted just as he knew I would. I was shocked. I was repulsed. I was frightened. But I didn’t tell a soul. Ever. That was a well-kept secret without him ever threatening me not to tell.

Molesters do evil things to children. They hurt them on purpose. They do not feel remorse. They get a rush from doing it. They love the feeling of being in control — being the one with the hammer — and pounding down until there is no more breath left. In a most unusual way, John was exposing to me who he was, but I didn’t get it. I knew something was wrong, but……I slid deeper down into the hole of secrecy and despondency and never told anyone. However, from that day forward, a side of me always knew that he was not to be trusted. Ever.

What can you glean from this story? Two things are most important to remember. A child molester is charming and kind and sweet to others. I don’t think anyone would ever have believed this story had I told them. They would have looked at me in dismay and thought I was the biggest story-teller around. Never in one million years would kind Mr. John do anything harmful — not even to a flea! Wasn’t he the one that spent hours buidling the rabbit pens? Wasn’t he the one that went and got fresh straw for them every week?

Besides that, he loved and adored his children and he’d never, ever do anything to intentionally hurt them. My goodness! He was the most loving father ever! He never raised his voice. He never said a swear word. He was always funny and even-tempered with the kids. This is not something their dad would do!

A child molester always has an air-tight story. The kids always surrounded him with love and their complete allegiance. In their eyes, their dad could do no wrong!

Beware. I’ll say it again and again and again. Chances are very big that you know a child molester. Chances are that you trust a child molester. Chances are that you’ve had red flags waving in your face, but you keep saying, “No. Not this person. He is too kind. Too giving. Too loving. He has done so much good in our church and community.”

Familiarize yourself with some of the characteristics of a pedophile. If you think something is “off” — something is “wrong”, then report it. It’s better to err on the side of protecting our children than letting this behavior go on!

When I put together the Christmas gift, the skull for Mother’s Day, and the abominable eating of the pet rabbits, you can clearly see that there were dangerous red flags. Why didn’t I do anything? Think of the complexity of it all. John was a beloved preached. An adored father. Women swooned over him because of the way they thought he treated me. And, in public I was the adoring wife.

I felt like I was crazy. I was not crazy. I was living with a practicing pedophile — a man who continued to molest children up until the age of 63 when he was arrested.

Please don’t allow this same thing to happen again! Pay attention and take action! Pay attention in your churches, in your schools, in your daycares, in the homes of your children’s friends, with your babysitters….just pay attention!!!!

For the sake of all of the children, please be a voice!

Love,

Clara

Married to a Pedophile: Halloween Monsters in Church!

Posted on October 21, 2013 by Clara Hinton

Every time Halloween rolls around, my thoughts go back to a special church service that took place in October about eleven years into my marriage. I can truly say it’s one that I will never forget, nor will anyone that was sitting in the audience ever forget. There are certain things that are burned into a person’s mind, and this is one of them.

Before I go further into the story, let me take this time to thank you for being here. Thanks for reading, for following along, and for “getting it” about the seriousness of emotional and sexual abuse, child molestation, and how important it is to provide a means for those who have been used and abused to find a healing place. If you are new to this blog, I strongly suggest that you begin here, and read each blog in chronological order because there is a progression from manipulation to molestation that is so important for you to understand.

Okay, back to this story. Continue reading →

Married to a Pedophile: Strange Movies of Naked Children!

Posted on October 1, 2013 by Clara Hinton

Thank you for visiting this blog once again! We are doing it — we really, really are making a difference in the lives of children. How do I know? Because every day I receive emails telling me so! And, sadly, I’m finding out that my story of being married to a practicing pedophile for almost forty years (and not knowing it) isn’t all that unique. Each and every day I’m getting messages and emails saying, “If I didn’t know better I’d think that was a story from my own life!” That makes me sad, but it also makes me know that sharing my life story with you is the right thing to do. You are becoming empowered and enlightened just a bit more every day. And, that means children are becoming a bit safer every day!

If you’re new to this blog, I suggest you begin reading here. Seeing how a pedophile’s mind works is critical to understanding how a pedophile can molest children while continuing to charm all those around. Pedophiles are loved and trusted and they come off as genuinely caring people. They count on us believing them and never questioning them, and it’s time we wise up and begin asking the hard questions. For the safety of our children, we must ask questions — always!!!

Let’s pick up the story by talking about a typical day in the Hinton household. To all people we looked like a normal, nice, loving family. And, we were — except for the odd behavior that was annoying, inexplainable, and hurtful at times. By now we had four children, and John was great with the kids. He loved to spend time with them doing arts and crafts, hiking, finding salamanders, and anything that had to do with nature. He loved the outdoors and would always have a fun Saturday planned for the kids.

At this time in our lives, it became necessary for John to take on a second job. The money he made preaching wasn’t enough to cover things like health insurance and other expenses that go along with having kids. So, I suggested John take on a part-time job in a local store close to home. He balked at that idea, though, saying, “I’ll never work where I have to punch a time clock! Never!” So, he researched and came up with the idea of selling insurance. I argued with him about that saying that he’d be away too much, but he stood firm. Once he made a decision it stuck.

I often referred to John as “the quiet mule.” He never raised his voice, but once he made a decision that’s how it was. Nothing could make him change his mind. So, he studied hard and became an insurance salesman/preacher.

One of the saddest things we had to deal with as a family was John being away long, long hours — many times until midnight (which I never understood). Who is buying insurance at midnight? He always had a reason for getting home late, and I always believed him — no questions asked!

One day he announced that he took on a new sales territory and he would be working in Erie and that was too far to travel back and forth every day, so his schedule was changing. He now stayed away all week — Sunday night he’d leave, and he wouldn’t return until Friday night. The weeks were long and hard without him but he sure did make certain he made it up to the kids when he was home! He gave them his undivided attention!

Many nights after a day of hiking, biking, playing basketball, or whatever fun thing the kids wanted to do, he’d just say, “Let’s watch a movie.” It became a joke with us that we hated when he picked out movies, though. They were so weird! We called them the “Ooga booga tribal movies” — many of them had subtitles because they weren’t in English. And, they all had one theme — naked children running around in the wild.

“Strange. Strange. Strange.” I often mumbled to myself that he had the most bizarre taste in movies I’d ever seen. Why waste your time watching movies of kids and teens running around naked through the woods grunting noises to the beating of a drum? It made no sense! The kids and I would always end up going off to another room while he’d sit glued to the TV watching those odd movies. They weren’t documentaries, either. They were low-budget movies that had no plot — just a bunch of kids running around naked with adults in loin cloths and women with their breasts out. Very weird!

Red flag: It made no sense! That in and of itself is a red flag. What kind of movie was this that John was watching? Well, I now know it was a movie to stimulate his need for porn. Keep in mind that porn movies weren’t as readily available back then as they are now, and even if they were, he couldn’t have gotten away with viewing them at home in in the livingroom. So, he did the next best thing. He rented movies that he knew had naked children in them! And, he watched them in front of all of us which made it even more exciting for him, I’m sure. We had no clue what he was doing, but he sure did!

Now it all makes perfect sense! John was obsessed with seeing young children without clothes! His eyes couldn’t view children innocently — ever!

In one of my very early posts I mentioned that John told me he was very involved in porn at a young age. A cousin of his would spend the summers with him and the two of them would pour through porn magazines that they’d steal. He said the entire summer was nothing but gawking at porn, stealing cartons of cigarettes, and sneaking outside of the window at night when his parents were asleep going down by the river to their favorite hiding spot.

I often wonder if this is where John molested the first little girl? He told the police in a sworn statement that the first girl he molested was when he was only fourteen. He was walking on the side of a deserted road. I get sick thinking about it. My insides shake and I want to vomit. I literally want to vomit thinking of the pain and horror he’s caused so many children!

Since all of this has happened in our lives, I’ve been researching for answers as to what makes a pedophile. I’ve also been researching the effects of porn on the teenage mind, and have come up with some incredible information! Porn changes the young mind! It has a lasting effect! Once a child sees those horrific images they cannot be erased!

Below is a very short video that was part of an extremely informative article I read about the struggles people have trying to “undo” porn in their minds. Porn isn’t something funny. Porn isn’t something that “all men have to look at.” Porn isn’t something that is healthy. Porn isn’t something that is wholesome and good.

Porn poisons the mind! Porn degrades that which should be lovely and pure and sacred! Porn sickens people and it penetrates the mind and soul and causes terrible outcomes. Porn and sex molesters almost always go hand-in-hand!

Some of you are probably laughing and saying that’s really stupid to get all hyped up thinking John’s “ooga booga movies” were porn. To his mind, those movies were porn. He didn’t have the capacity to look at a child unclothed innocently. When he looks at children he sees them differently. His mind has been altered. I believe his mind was altered at a very young age. His young mind was poisoned by viewing porn.

I’m not at all suggesting that every person that views porn will turn into a pedophile and molest children. What I am saying is that almost every pedophile is also an active porn user.

I wish I could say that these were the only “odd” movies John watched during our married lives, but I can’t say that. Unfortunately a daughter of mine walked in on him several years later while he had hard-core, raw porn on the computer in the house. What did I do? Shamefully, nothing. When I confronted him, he lied as always. He said, “I’m researching for some sermons on porn. How can I talk about how sinful it is if I don’t know what’s out there?”

Sadly, I never questioned him again. I fell for his lies hook, line, and sinker. I was such a naive fool! I’ve asked myself a million times over how I fell for that lie!!!

Pay attention! If you hear of a person viewing porn in their home, you better keep your kids away! If you know that your mate is viewing porn, you can be assured that porn leads to other things such as adultery, unnatural sex acts, emotional and physical abuse, and yes, even child molestation!

Pay attention even closer! Check all home computers often for signs of porn! Check cameras. Check video cameras. Who does this stuff? The baker. The church song leader. The bible school teacher. The nurse. The doctor. Maybe even your husband!

Read this “Profile of a Pedophile” — become acquainted with it! You might feel out of line at first addressing an issue you see that is “odd”, but do it anyway! If it doesn’t seem right, then it probably isn’t! For the sake of the children, please speak out!

Something as simple as those “naked child movies” were wrong — they were fueling the mind of a craving pedophile! And, he was satisfying his cravings right while in the presence of his entire family! I shudder to think what movies he watched while in the privacy of hotel rooms while he was away all week long!

Porn and pedophiles go together! Let me repeat: Porn and pedophiles go together! Please, for the sake of our children, let’s speak up and keep our children safe!

Love,

Clara

Finding A Healing Place

Tag Archives: child abuse

Married to a Pedophile: Behind Closed Doors

Married to a Pedophile: A Constant Web of Lies

Married to a Pedophile: The Bunnies that Disappeared

Married to a Pedophile: Halloween Monsters in Church!

Married to a Pedophile: Strange Movies of Naked Children!