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Married to a Pedophile: The Day I Knew He was Two Different Men!

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If you’ve been following this blog, you know this is my story of what it was like being married for almost forty years to a man who was a practicing pedophile and falling for the lies and deception that he was a wonderful man of God.  The mental and physical control this man, my ex-husband, held over me is painful to think about — and frightening to think about on several different levels.

I’m writing this blog so that you can be educated as to warning signs that something might be very, very wrong in your relationship.  I want you to be aware of the warning signs of pedophilia that I didn’t know about.  I want you to be smarter than the pedophile and learn how to speak out when you think something is wrong.

I want you to protect our children!  Continue reading →

Married to a Pedophile: Facing Father’s Day with Dad in Prison

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Two years.  It’s been two years now since the father of my children was sentenced to prison for the rest of his earthly life.  He was sentenced just a couple of days before Father’s Day.  And I’m left without words.  What does a mother say to her children under circumstances like this?  “Soon you’ll all feel better.”  “Life will be back to normal before you know it.”  “Just pretend everything’s okay.”  Those words don’t fit — not at all!

What should I say?  How do I help ease the pain that is stirring within the hearts of my children right now?  They loved their dad so much!  I’m sure beneath the surface of crushing pain, there is still love.  He’s their father, but for now he’s their father who has been convicted of some of the worst offenses known to mankind.  Continue reading →

Married to a Pedophile: It’s Always about Control!

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It’s been a while since I’ve written and I apologize for that.  I’ve been super busy and to tell you the truth writing the last post threw me into a mental fog for a good two weeks.  I suffered with nightmares, cold sweats, and went through several nights of not being able to sleep.  Remembering is not easy — not when you’re remembering painful events in your life.

If you’re new to this blog, please begin reading from the very beginning.  It’s so important for you to grasp just how devious and calculating the actions of pedophiles are.  As I recall more events in my life while married to a pedophile, I shake and tremble because I didn’t see life clearly.  Pain has a way of masking the truth Continue reading →

Married to a Pedophile: One Word that Changed My Life!

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If you are new to this blog then I strongly suggest you begin reading here so that you can understand the full impact of how the mind of a pedophile works.  One of the most important things to remember is that pedophiles live in a total fantasy world and their world is built on lies.  There are days when I sit and stare blankly for hours at a time shaking my head wondering how I fell for so many lies for all of those years when I was married to John.  I’d like to think that I’m fairly intelligent and I used to pride myself on being able to see through the lies and deceit of people.

No longer do I think I’m so smart.  In fact, just the opposite.  I was living with a man and was totally devoted to him while he was lying, cheating, and deceiving me every day of my life.  There are times when I cry for hours wondering if he ever truly loved me.  We had children together and I thought those children were products of our sincere love.  Now……I doubt every bit of that.  I now believe I served only one purpose.   I was selfishly and maliciously used by this man I loved with all of my heart.  I was used to  Continue reading →

Married to a Pedophile: The “Coming Out” of a Pedophile!

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The last two posts written have caused quite a stir among our regular readers as well as many new readers.  Most of the private emails I receive are asking, “Why did you stay in this marriage if it was so terrible?  Even if you didn’t know you were married to an active pedophile, why did you stay?”

I’ll repeat this again and again.  When abuse takes place a person doesn’t feel worthy of anything different than abuse.  There is a brainwashing, so-to-speak, that teaches the abused person to accept mistreatment because that is what is deserved.  There is also great fear of leaving.  In my case, how in the world would I support my family if I left?  What would happen to the children that I loved with all of my heart and soul?  Where would we live?  There is also the self-imposed prison that holds the abused person captive.  Years of abuse wears away any self-esteem and there is a powerlessness — a feeling of being too weak to escape.  And, many times there is little to no support to help the abused person get away.  And, so we stay….we stay until…….   Continue reading →