Married to a Pedophile: The Blanket of Abuse is Still Suffocating!

It’s been more than six years now since I found out the man I was married to was a practicing pedophile. Why am I still finding myself suffocating from this? Why is the mental abuse still plaguing me? Why? Why? Why?  Why am I still allowing the abuse to affect me?

I found out some information last week about John, the man I was married to for almost forty years, and I was floored. “No, this isn’t John! He would never do that!”

But, my son said otherwise.”Dad used to laugh about this. I never told you about it because…….well, because I thought you might get mad if I told you.”

I’ve replayed this over and over in my mind hundreds of times already. To some it might not be a big deal, but to me it made me sick in my stomach all over again. I was unable to sleep for several nights because I kept getting awake with bad dreams.

Let me explain……….

John was a minister for a small country church. As you can understand, the pay wasn’t much so he supplemented with another job. John sold insurance mostly to retired school teachers. Long term care insurance was a premium item to sell, and he was good at it. I was so proud of him because he’d come home and tell me how much he was helping these women to preserve their income by making certain they had long-term care nursing home protection.  John was a top salesman two years in a row getting the salesman of the year trophy each time.

What was said that floored me? My son said, “Dad laughed his head off telling me some of the tricks he used to close sales. One of the best tricks was keeping a pack of cigarettes in his pocket. If he saw that he wasn’t going to close the sale, he’d pull out a cigarette, light it up, prop up his feet on a coffee table and begin filling the house with smoke.  He said the old ladies wanted me out of there because I was being so obnoxious blowing smoke in their faces. I’d shove the paper under their hand, and tell them to sign so I could get out of there. He said it was the funniest thing ever because it worked every time!”

“What? Your dad did what?”

I’m still sitting here as I’m typing in a rather stunned stupor. John didn’t smoke. He always told people he was highly allergic to smoke. My goodness!  He even preached against the evils of smoking! I cannot picture him sitting in anyone’s home, feet propped up, puffing on a cigarette.  Nor, can I imagine him mocking the fact that this is how he closed a sale. I can’t see him doing this. That’s not the man I married!

I feel sick all over again.

Why is this news such a big thing to me? Because it’s one more lie. It’s one more time he used people. It’s one more way he deceived me and others. It’s one more way he manipulated people. It’s one more way that tells me I never knew the man I married. I shared my life with a liar. I shared my heart with someone who was so terribly dishonest. I shared my life with an abuser. I shared my life with a man who used mental tactics and physical know-how to rape innocent, beautiful children and I’m just sick about that.

It does something to a person when you find out that the person you loved and trusted isn’t who they say they are. It rips you up inside. It’s gut-wrenching. Even though this story of John and the cigarettes might not seem like a big thing, it is HUGE to me! It’s another one of his horrible lies. He acted like he was so kind, so thoughtful, so caring about “his clients” when in fact he was manipulating them to do just what he wanted. I hate that!  I absolutely hate that kind of trickery!

What I hate the most is knowing that young hearts have been broken. Innocent children have been used. The name of God has been mocked. The trust relationship that was built between husband and wife, father and child, preacher and parishioner was all a lie. A big, deceitful lie. If I’m hurting this much from the emotional abuse, how must those children he abused feel? How are they coping? What must go on inside of their hearts and minds?

John is in prison for life. That is where he belongs. He can no longer play with people’s minds. He can no longer molest children.  For those of us who are still feeling the suffocating effects of abuse, it is my continued prayer that one day there will be freedom. It’s on the way. I know it. I can feel it. There probably will be moments of “awakening” such as I’ve experienced this past week for the remainder of my life. But, John no longer holds me under the blanket of abuse continually causing me to gasp for air. I can breathe. I pray his victims can breathe easier knowing he can no longer harm them or any other child.

My son Jimmy and I are continuing to educate others on the topic of preventing child sex abuse. We’re working hard to be a voice for those who are unable yet to speak out. There is great joy on the horizon as we watch more and more victims of abuse using their voices to become a strong, united voice against sex crimes. Children of abuse are becoming more and more empowered every day! Help is on the way, and everyone knows it! Victims of abuse are becoming thrivers of abuse!!

Please listen to our weekly podcasts, and be sure to subscribe. Visit this website often to look for updates. Follow my son on . Subscribe to both of our blogs.

If you’ve been strangled by the lies and abuse of someone you loved and trusted, believe me when I say you’re stronger than you think. Speak out. There are people who will believe you. If you are in an abusive situation, please don’t stay. I know it takes courage — a lot of courage — to leave, but leaving is far, far better than staying!  Your life is precious!! Every life is precious!

If you are a child of abuse, speak out. Everyone needs your voice. Together we will become the voice of change, and that is when there will be freedom from this suffocating blanket of abuse!



22 thoughts on “Married to a Pedophile: The Blanket of Abuse is Still Suffocating!

  1. Hi, Clara I tried to leave a comment that never posted. Is anything wrong with what I wrote?

    • Dear Anu,
      This was my oversight. I have the comments set up for my approval and I didn’t approve several simply because I didn’t see them. I’m so very sorry. I approved your comment and will reply right now. Love to you, my special friend. xoxo

  2. Clara, it is not likely that you’ll have time for reading, but if you ever do, I’d like to recommend a book titled, “In the Shadow of the Cross”. The author is Glenn Penner.

    The book does not even mention the trends of your former husband. But just the first pages alone are worth the price. He describes that all human rights come from God. Every life is precious and valuable because every life is created by God. We are worthy of dignity and respect because we were made in love by God the creator. No one can give us these rights. No one can take these rights.

    God is the giver…so anyway…you are doing all the right things and it is a phenomenon that you reach out to others at each layer of realization after decades and decades of intricate deceptions…keep on. We stop by your page often.

    • Linda, Thank you so much for your continued love, support, and encouragement. That being said, I will get a copy of the book, “In The Shadow of the Cross” and read it. That affirmation of every life being precious means the world to me.

      I think of you so often. It’s wonderful to hear from you! Love, Clara

  3. Clara, thank you for sharing. I’ve been baffled by the abuse I am undergoing that not only involves the man I married but also the children, siblings and a lack of concern from those who profess to be Christians.
    Although you and your family are in such pain many of us appreciate and are strengthened by your words.
    God bless you. Praying for your healing and for so many other precious souls. Heart wrenching testimonies prove that I am not alone and the Lord is the final Judge. <3

    • Dear HealinginHim, Thank YOU for your comments!
      Abuse is mind-boggling, and abuse messes with our trust issues, with our faith in God and humankind, and abuses often makes us feel so isolated and often crazy. Abuse is “meant” to do all of those things, and that combination is what makes abuse so horrendous. It truly does affect every area of our lives. It’s so very wrong. I don’t know what the abuse in your life is, but I do know that the pain and isolation you are feeling is real. I’m so very, very sorry. I pray that by sharing some of my pain others such as you will be able to validate your own pain and more importantly to rise up and separate yourself from it. Thank you for your comments. I pray that this blog will continue to help you.

  4. Hi Clara,your words are like I was listening to myself ,This is so deeply ingrained in my whole being that seeing what you have gone through and able to speak of it and yet stay sane is only by God’s Love. I often told my Husband that I couldn’t figure him out and he Liked it that way.So much deceit ,so many lies and now I look back and I feel so stupid that I couldn’t see what was happening right under my nose .I know there must be a reason I had to go through this time of anguish and grief .I want to help others with God’s help .
    A little Background….I was married to this man for 39 years and finally Left him in 2008 ,I tried to leave twice before but didn’t have the strength to follow through .Now I have been Divorced since 2011.I am so grateful to my family and My Lord to see me through this difficult time..
    Thank you so much for speaking out on this heart wrenching Subject .God bless you Clara, I will keep in touch. E

    • Dear Edna, First off I’d like to say how sorry I am that you lived under such anguish for 39 years before getting the courage to leave (And it does take a LOT of courage!). Please don’t feel stupid. You’re a woman of great courage. Keep telling yourself that until you believe it! Abuse plays havoc with our minds to the point of feeling as though we truly have lost our sanity. I will continue to speak out, to educate, and to share on behalf of the many of us who have lived in the prison of abuse. Together I truly believe that our voices are finally being heard. That is so very encouraging!

  5. So good to hear from you again!

    I’m so sorry for your enormous pain that you still carry around with you. Not for a second did I think the story you shared was a small issue.

    Any and every lie matters. Lies don’t come in sizes, shapes and colors! They all cause some form of pain and suffering.

    Satan is described as the father of lies. Not as the father of sin, the father of evil, not even the father of abuse.

    “He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.” John 8:44

    Sound familiar? Sounds just like John (IMO, as I have gathered from reading all your posts thus far)

    Finding out over and over again that the man you married, who abused you and so many others—was lying over and over again—is understandably going to tear you up inside. Goodness, I can’t imagine how awful it is to be like: and here’s another lie he told! Let’s add it to the growing pile, which is beyond huge already.

    I can’t begin to express how good it is to hear you say: “John no longer holds me under the blanket of abuse continually causing me to gasp for air. I can breathe.”

    I pray that for you, for the family, and for his victims—and for all the potential victims that have been spared, thanks to that brave woman who came forward. AND, thanks to a brave woman like you, who believed her. If you had not believed her and taken action, we might be telling a very different story now. I’m beyond grateful to you and Jimmy! And of course to the Lord, for making it all possible.

    I felt such pain for those women who were on the older side, possibly had health issues—and had to put up with that obnoxious smoking simply so he could the thrill of getting his way, and making a buck in the process. And finding it hilarious that he could manipulate AND get away with it. I felt so repulsed and disgusted that someone could be so cruel.

    Are you at the point where you don’t believe John ever told you the truth about anything? Or do you think there were some moments of truth from him?

    I hope that’s not too personal to ask.

    • Dear Anu,
      Thank you so much for your insightful comments. This has been a journey, and continues to be a journey that is often difficult, but also enlightening. The more I find out, the more I’m certain that the man I married was full of lies. You’ve asked a really important question — “Do I think there were some moments of truth from John?”. Yes, I do think there were moments when he was truthful. I think I have to believe that or I would fall apart completely. I think that’s the most disheartening, confusing part of all of this. What was truth and what was lies? I’ll never know, and that is really, really hard. That’s also terribly painful for my children. The one thing we all want in this life is to know without doubt that we are loved, especially by our husbands and fathers. Sadly, we will never know if John Hinton truly loved any of us, or if his love was also just part of another terrible lie. 🙁

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