Writing has been a bit healing for me since my son’s death. Healing because writing is an outlet — a way of releasing some of my heavy grief. Writing is a way for me to feel like I have some value and I just might be able to help someone even in my brokenness.
I’ve also been doing a lot of thinking lately. I’ve been asking myself the question, “What am I looking for when I feel lost, alone, and without hope?” “What kind of message am I seeking?” I know one thing — I love to hear a person’s voice! Reading is awesome, and I read every day at least for two hours — maybe more. But, in today’s age of technology, we have such wonderful things as Skype and Facetime available to us. Plus, youtube! When I need comfort and help, I usually search for a video that can help calm me, validate who I am, fill me with hope, inspire me, and help me to realize that countless others have gotten through situations much worse than mine.
I want to hear stories from survivors! I want to look into their eyes when they speak. I want to listen to their voice. Why? Because lots of people can write, but to hear a person speak from the heart — that is what I love to hear!
And, I’m hoping you are the same way. I can’t sit down and have coffee with you and talk at your kitchen table, but I can talk to you by way of videos.
So, I’m putting out a simple question to you, my readers.
“If you had an opportunity to hear me talk about anything related to this blog, what would you want to know?”
Please write your questions or the topics you want me to discuss in these short videos in the comment section of this blog. Thank you! I’ll be making my first videos next week, and I’m excited to be able to say, “I’ll be talking with you!”
What can YOU do this week to help this work continue? Why not take some time to stop by Church Protect, Inc. and find out what that’s all about? I’m excited to say that I’m a partner with this organization that has been founded to help keep our churches and children safe. More and more information will be added to Church Protect each week, so bookmark it and check back frequently.
And, why not order a t-shirt while you’re at it? I cannot wait to wear mine! As soon as it arrives I will proudly be wearing mine to show that I belong to a group that genuinely cares about the safety of our children! This shirt will be an identifier of who we really are!
Thank you to each and every one of you for the continued messages of hope since the death of my son. I still cry daily, and I’m sure I will for a long time to come. But, it helps so much when I wipe away the tears to be able to read a message from one of you — a message of hope — a message of caring. You are helping to sustain me through this most difficult time in my life.
I’m looking forward to reading the questions you send to me to discuss.
I can promise you this — I want to leave you with hope and help for keeping our children safe!
Love,
Clara
Dear Clara,
I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot even imagine the pain you must be experiencing right now.
You are an amazing women and I’m so grateful for your blog. I left my husband almost two years ago as there were major concerns about his behavior towards my daughters. None of them had disclosed anything, but I was encouraged by a ministry to leave. During the first several months of our separation I was very tempted to return to him. We had been married for 20 years and he wasn’t really that bad to me. He was wonderful in many ways. He was also a jerk in other ways, but I chose to see the best and was grateful to be a homeschool Mom. My whole identity was grounded in being a wife and mother.
A friend introduced me to Crying Out for Justice and I discovered your blog through a link on their site. It took my daughters almost a complete year of being away from their Father to disclose the sexual abuse to their therapist. I most certainly would have gone back if it hadn’t been for your blog. There were so many similarities between our spouses that it was uncanny. My husband operated on a much smaller scale than yours and I am sorry for all of the pain that idiot has caused you.
My oldest daughter suffered a severe rape at age 8. I was asleep. It’s a long story, but I cannot believe I missed it. I have a ton of guilt over it. Our court system thinks I coached my daughters into saying these things. It’s a complete nightmare. He can have no contact with our oldest anymore, but has shared custody of our two younger children. He sexually abused the youngest when she was four. They have to spend half of the month with him!
I would flee the country if I had assurance that I wouldn’t get caught. I am considering asking my biological Father (who I just recently reconnected with) to give me the inheritance he claims he has early. My hope is to offer the money to my ex-husband so that maybe he will get out of our lives.
Do you think it’s possible to get a pedophile to confess? He has said he still loves me and offered for me to move back in. Doofus! If I could get a confession somehow, then my girls could possibly be safe. This is my first question.
Parental Alienation Syndrome has polluted Family Courts. It would be nice if you could do a video on that as well. I especially want to know if you think I might be able to get him to confess. I did a search about it online, but the information is way too disturbing for me to read. I am having difficult time just surviving life right now.
Thank you again for being willing to share with all of us here. You have been a tremendous blessing to me.
Warmly,
Miranda
My dad molested my daughter when she was a pre-teen. Not sure when it started or how long it continued, but we didn’t find out about it until at least 10 years after it happened. (She’s 29 now and lives on our property in her own mobile home, but isn’t able to work at any job that requires her to be with ppl) My dad denies any wrong-doing and I have a very hard time being around him and my mom. Thankfully they live 2 states away, so we don’t see them often. I have 2 children still at home (ages 10 & 13) and they want to get to know their grandparents, but I struggle with this. How do you carry on a relationship, or do I, when the molester is a close family member, but is in total denial?
Debbie, This is a great question — and one that I will be most anxious to discuss because this one involves so many people!
Thank you for this question — I’m sure this is pressing on your heart every single day.
I am interested in your thoughts on Josh Duggar’s situation since he was a juvenile that fondled younger girls. How often does this type of behavior continue on into adulthood?
Michelle, Super question and one that we need to look at very seriously. There are emotional responses to this question, but I will stick to facts and I know a lot of people won’t agree. It will make for some interesting dialogue. Thank you for the question/topic.
Along with that topic, what can/should we do when it is one of our own children who is accused of molesting another child? In the case Michelle mentioned, calling the police, getting counseling for all involved, sending the offender away for a while… It obviously wasn’t enough. How can parents in that situation fulfill their responsibilities to bring all of their children up right, when something like that happened between two or more of them?
Ashley, This is an awesome question and sadly touches more families than we’d care to imagine. Fulfilling our responsibilities as parents isn’t always easy — especially in situations that involve sexual molestation of one of our children OR by one of our children.
I can see that we will be having some very difficult, but very necessary conversations on the blog in the weeks to come. Thank you so much for this question.
For your video blog:
Clara,
I have a family member, when 4 yrs. old, that was sexually abused by a neighbor. He also grew up in an abusive household. The molestation was not known to me for many years. He is now in his 30’s and has had only limited counseling. The effects of all the abuses are still very evident. If he allows for discussion of it what is the best way to be of help to him? I don’t want to cause further hurt by handling it wrongly.
My 2nd question is:
I’ve been in an abusive marriage and soon divorce proceedings will begin. The abuse has taken a toll on me and he is now doing so in the financial realm. I find it difficult to even want to get up each day. I often walk around in a fog & feel paralyzed by it all. What are some internal dialogues that have helped you, strengthened you to face each day & carry on with your responsibilities? Thank you, Ann
Ann,
Thank you for both questions……….neither is easy, but I think I can help you. The divorce issue is one that I feel needs your attention now. You don’t want to slip into a deep depression. We will talk about this very soon. In fact, several of my blog entries coming up will touch on this very topic.
Truth is: without the Blood of Christ, there is no sexual healing. Seriously. The first thing I would recommend is to read, How To Be Free From Bitterness. Second thing, read 1 John, every day if you are not sure you are a Christian. Look at who really is Jesus? We focus on the Cross, but we ignore a fundamental question. Who IS Jesus. Why do out sins need forgiven at all! And What has he done? If you died tonigh, truthfully, should God let you into Heaven, why or Why not? Was does 1 John say? I put a link on the address of a godly ladies blog.
It takes much prayer, Bible reading, reprogramming your thought life to positive, hopeful, true, and lovely thoughts. Strive to enjoy the daily things you do. Washing your bedding. Move from there to cleaning house up, getting rid of clutter….planting a flower bed or pot full of flowers. Making your favorite hot drink. Getting out and being a servant to one in need…even if they are ungrateful, and think of how much you’d appreciate the help you gave. These seem so little and insignificant — but they help put distance between the pain and get you refocused in living a life of joy again. HANG IN THERE!
Dear A.E.N., I’m doing just that! Thank you so very much!
Hi Clara, sending you lots of prayers and healing. Today is sentencing date, again,…..I’m hoping this is the beginning of a new chapter in my family’s life. ❤
Thoughts and prayers are with you………..you certainly deserve a brand new chapter filled with tons of love and hope!