We should learn to follow our gut instincts.  When something seems “off” or just doesn’t feel right, there is probably something wrong.  When something seems so totally “odd” that you being to lose sleep over it, then pay attention while you’re tossing and turning in bed at night.

Listen to what your gut feelings are telling you! 

I knew something was very “odd” and “unusual” when the man I was married to began searching for a job as a live-in male nanny — a “manny” as he affectionately called it.  I was a bit more than irritated at him.  He had 5 years of college education, several years of experience as a preacher and also as a substitute school teacher.  He sold insurance for almost thirty years.  And, now at age 59 his life passion was to be a live-in babysitter!  There was something wrong, but I sure couldn’t figure it out!     John began searching for babysitting jobs around the time we separated.  He always said he loved kids, so that wasn’t a red flag.  Plus, we had eleven children of our own, and he was what you would call the model father.  He truly was!  He was gentle and kind.  He had a great sense of humor with the kids.  He spent time with them.  He was interested in their spiritual lives so much so that he studied the bible with each one and is the one who baptized all eleven of his children!

So, that part didn’t seem like a red flag at all — the love he had for children.  What became a big red flag was his reasoning for wanting to be a live-in sitter.  He said he was great at taking care of kids and he loved kids, so he was willing to take a big pay cut and move away to go live with another family to help be a good influence for them.

I wasn’t buying it, and neither were our kids.  In fact, we had several arguments over this.  Since we were living apart, I did most of my talking to him through emails.  Several of the kids came to me and said, “Would you please try to talk some sense into dad?  He’s driving us crazy with this manny stuff.  Why would he want to move away when over half of his family is right here?”

And, so I’d email John over and over again getting more and more angry each time.  “What’s wrong with you?  You could easily substitute teach making $100 a day and be finished at 3:00 in the afternoon.  Because there’s such a need for subs, you could work every day of the week if you’d like or you could pick and choose the days you want to work.  No hassle.  No crying kids.  No sick kids.  And, the money is good. Why do you want to move away and live in with another family?  Why would you want to change diapers, haul kids around buying groceries, take kids to doctor’s appointments, and put up with someone else’s kids when you don’t have to?”

His answers were always the same.  “I love kids and this is what I’m going to do!  I’m going to be a live-in sitter!”

Several people brought to my attention that John had some very detailed, persuasive resumes posted on big babysitting sites.  At that time, I wasn’t computer savvy enough to search to find them, so I had friends send me the links.  And, they were right!  “Loving father and grandfather, patient with children, lots of experience, college educated, would like to help you with your children.”  He listed references from church.  He listed the fact that he was a former youth pastor and a current pastor.  Of course he emphasized the fact that he raised eleven wonderful children, and was lonely for that type of family atmosphere again.

He was very convincing.  Very convincing.  But, in all truthfulness I never, ever thought he’d land a job because of two things — being a male, and being a male who was almost sixty years old.

John Hinton was driven.  He was relentless in his search.  He told everyone he knew of his plans and he spent hours every day on the computer putting out resumes.

And, then it happened.  He landed a job!   

This job was not for a live-in position, but it was for a daily sitter and housekeeper for a doctor’s family.  He interviewed and I thought to myself, “There is no way a doctor is going to have him babysit her kids.  Not a man his age and someone who has to drive more than an hour each way over one of the worst mountainous stretches we have during the winter.

But, guess what?  John got the job!  And, let me just tell you he was giddy!

Not only did he get the job he wanted babysitting two young children, but he proved to his family that he could do what we were calling the impossible!

This was not a fun job.  It was work!!!!  He not only babysat two young children (both in diapers) but he was trying to potty train the one, he had to bathe them, feed them, cook for them, do the housekeeping, take them grocery shopping, go to doctor’s appointments, play with them, put them to nap, and take care of them when they were sick.

Add to this the fact that he had to drive over one hour away each way five days a week in all kinds of weather on one of the most treacherous S-curve mountainous roads in the area!

But, guess what?  He didn’t mind!  In fact, he said he had finally found the job he wanted!  This was filling the void he had since our children were all grown up.  He said he was experiencing the male version of empty nest syndrome.

And, so he got what he wanted — support and love from everyone.  In fact, he was applauded for being such a kind, gentle, loving person taking on a job such as this.  “Who knows?  Maybe you’ll convert this family and get them to become Christians” was the reasoning of many of the church members.

But, it still didn’t feel right to me.  I was John’s age, and I love children with all of my heart.  But…..there is NO WAY I would put myself through the wringer like he was day in and day out for a salary that barely covered more than his gas to and from his job.  In fact, I was sick and tired of changing diapers, bathing kids, listening to their crying, not to mention the physical strength it takes to carry children in and out of car seats and up and down stairs.  You get the picture.  I love children, but not enough to take on a job as a full time live-in sitter.

Why?  Why was he doing this when life could be so much easier for him?  And, if he wanted to be near kids, we had grandkids nearby.  We had friends who had little kids.  Why was he doing this?

Something very strange happened about eight months into this job.

John announced one day, “I’m looking for a new job.  The doctor doesn’t need me to watch her kids any more.  So, I’m going to look for a job in Maryland or Virginia.  I need a change.”

Weird.  That was really weird.  Again, something didn’t seem right.  Suddenly John wasn’t needed any more?  The red flag was waving, but I couldn’t connect any dots as to why this all felt so “off.”

About four years later, when John was under formal investigation for child molestation, the truth came out about this job and what really happened.

John Hinton was caught fondling one of the little children, but there wasn’t enough “evidence” to convict him!  He had been under investigation in another county and not one of us ever knew!!!  As we found out, he was babysitting the kids and mom and dad came in earlier than expected.  Mom walked into the bedroom to find John fondling her young child.  She immediately dismissed him and reported him!

Sadly, he got off.  Do you want to know why?  The child was too young to talk, and mom had been to a dinner for the doctors and she had consumed some alcohol at the dinner.  That was John’s easy out!  He held true to his story that he was only changing the child’s diaper and that the mother had too much to drink.  He said she wasn’t in any condition to know what she saw.

He got off scot free!!!! Eventually, this would come back to haunt him when he was under investigation in Somerset County, but for now not a soul knew.  This never made it beyond an allegation that couldn’t be proven.  When this was brought up years later by the police, John was quick to reply, “That woman had been drinking.  She didn’t know what she was seeing!  I never touched that kid!”

And, that is just how many, many pedophiles avoid the legal system due to lack of hard evidence against them.

So, what do we do?  How do we keep our children safe from men like this?

1.  Be careful who you allow to be alone with your children!  This sounds like a no-brainer, but you’d be surprised how many people will trust just about anyone with the safety of their children. We especially trust people who are men of God!   Do background checks.  Ask questions.  Talk to people who know this person.  Study this person.  And, remember — if it doesn’t feel right, then it probably isn’t!!

2.  Set safe boundaries and teach those boundaries to your children.  If we don’t talk about safe boundaries, how can we expect our children to come to us when those boundaries are in jeopardy?  The one little girl who John babysat was old enough to tell her mom things that I’m sure she saw and that in most probability that John was doing to her.  But, if she was told to trust Mr. John, then she did what her mom told her to do.  “Mr. John is going to take care of you and keep you safe.”  How would this little girl know right from wrong?  Our children need us to teach them safe boundaries! 

3.  Talk to your children every day and ask them if anyone or anything made them feel unsafe or uncomforable.  Open up those difficult conversations.  Why?  Because it’s our responsibility as parents to do all we can to keep our children safe! Encourage your children to talk to you, and let your child know that nothing — absolutely nothing — could ever change the way you love your child! 

4.  Believe your child.  I can’t say it loudly enough or enough times.  Believe your child!  So many adult survivors of abuse have said, “I tried to tell, but my mom wouldn’t believe me.  She said I was lying and to never bring it up again.”  Please believe your child! 

5.  Educate yourself about child sex offenders.  Sadly, I didn’t have a clue about child molestation.  I didn’t know what  a pedophile was.  I never talked about things like this.  In my very backward, naïve way of thinking I suppose I assumed if you don’t talk about it, it doesn’t exist.  And, remember, as a believer in God I had it drilled in me from little up to never judge another person!  Never did I allow myself to think wrongly about anyone.  I didn’t want to live with the guilt of falsely judging.

Toss that to the wind when it comes to your children.  Please!  Question everyone that wants to be alone with your child.  You have been given the blessing of a child and it is our responsibility to protect that child as best we can!  Get educated about sex offenders!

It’s time for us to speak out!  We must break the chains of silence!  We must speak out for the sake and safety of our children!

Thank you for reading.  I know this is a heavy topic.  But, it’s so very important.  Thank you for caring.  Thank you for sharing.  Thank you for being a voice for the children!

It is my prayer that as I share with you the things that I didn’t know, you will get educated so that you will know how to keep these predators away from innocent, precious children!  Please help me to be a voice of empowerment and education!

Love,

Clara

PS  Next time we will talk about John’s next job.  He was on the fast track now, and there was nothing going to stop him!