Married to a Pedophile: Shame on You, Dottie Sandusky!

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At first I sympathized with Dottie Sandusky.  I, too, walked in her shoes.  The man I loved and trusted and shared my life with was living a double life.  The man I married was a pedophile, too, and on some level I connected with Dottie Sandusky.  I cried for her when her husband was arrested.  I cried for her when she learned the truth about the man she loved.  I cried for her because I thought she would stay awake at night crying for the victims who were harmed by her husband.  I cried for her because I knew how hard it is to realize that your life has been a lie.  I cried for her because I thought she shared the same brokenness that I feel every day of my life for those whose lives have been tormented and shamed and pained in terrible ways by the man I loved.

But, I will not cry for Dottie Sandusky any more!  Shame on you!  Shame on you, Dottie Sandusky!  How can you do this?  How can you continue to defend this man?  How can you defend this man who sits in prison for committing horrendous acts against children?   How can you do this, Dottie Sandusky?  If you are new to this blog, please begin here and read all the way through.  I ask you to do this so that you will not have blinders on like Dottie Sandusky.  The reading is difficult.  It’s not fun to read about people who abuse children.  But, it’s real.  It’s happening.  And, we owe it to those who have endured horrible pain to be there for them, to support them, and to believe them beyond all doubt!!!

I’ll say it again.  Shame on you, Dottie Sandusky! 

I’ve printed off every article written about Jerry Sandusky and Dottie Sandusky since the news of Jerry’s hidden life surfaced.  Why?  Because I had to know two things.  What would happen to Sandusky?  Would he get away with his crimes, or would he get the punishment he deserves?  And, I had to know about his wife.  What would her response be when she understood that her husband had done terrible things to children while cloaking himself with a façade that hid the darkness of his heart.

Jerry Sandusky, much like the man I was married to, was loved and adored by thousands of people of all ages.  They had so many similarities that it makes me frightened.  They served people.  They did countless good deeds.  They loved God.  They were family men.  They were gentle and kind in their demeanor.  They were polite and soft-spoken.  They were courteous and patient.

And, they were both molesting children!  Beautiful children.  Innocent children.  Children who looked to them for protection.  Children who wanted what every child wants — to feel special and to feel loved.

Jerry Sandusky and John Hinton did evil things to children and they are both serving life sentences in prison because of it.

When Dottie Sandusky first defended her husband, I thought maybe she was still in shock.  I thought some time would allow her to be alone with her thoughts and she would finally accept the fact that she, too, had been used, abused, and betrayed.  I thought Dottie Sandusky would mourn for those children molested by her husband.

But, sadly, Dottie Sandusky is still defending her husband.  She is still living in a world of lies and pretenses.  She is still not accepting what is the truth.  And, by defending her husband she is creating untold pain, not just for the victims of Jerry Sandusky, but for the countless others who fell victim to the crimes of the Jerry Sandusky’s and the John Hinton’s of this world. 

Shame on you, Dottie Sandusky, for causing so much additional pain! 

Yes, it’s painful to realize your life as a wife was not at all that you thought it was.  Yes, it’s difficult, if not impossible, to understand how you could live with a man for the better part of your life and not know him.  But, it’s the truth.  And, as hard as it is, we must accept the truth.  Yes, it’s heartbreaking to think that your husband could cause life-long pain and suffering to innocent children.  Often, the truth is hard to accept!

Pedophiles lie.  Pedophiles deceive.  Pedophiles trick people, use people, mock people, hurt people, control people.

Pedophiles sexually abuse children.

Dottie Sandusky, for the record let me tell  you something.  I don’t feel sorry for you any more!  I won’t cry for you any more!  I’m pained by the way you continue to defend your husband, and I want you to stop!  For the sake of all of the children who have been harmed by sexual abuse you need to stop believing the lies that your husband told you!

You, Dottie Sandusky, have so many more opportunities than I to speak out on behalf of abused children and instead you defend the guilty one!

I won’t cry for you, but I will pray for you.  I will pray that you will take off your protective shield and strip down to the bare naked facts.  Jerry Sandusky is a child molester.  He hurt children in unfathomable ways just as John Hinton hurt children in unspeakable ways!

I will pray for you constantly with the hope that you will stop harming children by defending your husband.  I will pray that you will stand strong and tall and bold and do all that you can to promote the education needed for children and parents to learn how to stay safe from pedophiles.

To all those reading this who have been harmed by the actions of sexual molesters, please know that there are many who sincerely do believe you.  There are many who will stand by you and help you.  There are many who unite and become a voice for you.

There are many who love you and hurt with you.  There are many who want to help you find your voice again!

Beauty in Every SoulEach one of us who reads this blog is a voice for children of child sexual abuse.  The greatest thing you can do for a child of abuse is to believe.  Believe that child — no matter what age!  Most children of abuse don’t ever reveal the fact that they’ve been abused.  Why?  They’re too ashamed.  They feel like they have no worth.  They feel like nobody would ever be able to love them if they knew “that” about them.  And, there is an ongoing fear of not being believed.  To try to tell of the abuse and to not be believed is like being re-victimized all over again.

Children of abuse don’t lie!  Many children who finally find the courage to tell, are in their 40’s and often older.  It’s takes so much courage to speak out and say, “I am a survivor of child sexual abuse!” 

Thank you for joining forces with me and continuing to advocate for our children.  We need to do all we can to keep our children safe and to help those who have been hurt by abuse to have a safe place to fall so that they can heal.

Next time I will continue on with my personal story.  Thank you for listening.  Thank you for caring.  Thank you for sharing!  Thank you for being a strong voice for our children!

Love,

Clara

*If you are in need of a speaker for your school, church, local daycare, or group of interested parents, please email me at clarahintonspeaker@gmail.com  .

 

19 thoughts on “Married to a Pedophile: Shame on You, Dottie Sandusky!”

  1. Clara isn’t it amazing how it runs so deep in families! Here your husband’s family so deep! John’s sister and mother being Dottie Sanduskys while their husband/ son in law sits in a jail cell for 10+ years now, where he has earned a spot for raping his daughter + whom else. But the hurting doesn’t stop there. Can’t these people see!!! Now a whole other generation, our family being devastated by their lies! Only God, that same one these people exploit for their sick pleasures, can help them.
    Keep getting the words out Clara. Be relentless and as ruthless as they!

    • Dear Mommom, Yes, it’s heartbreaking to see the cycle continue and to see so much support being given to the abusers. I think that’s the part that is the most devastating of all — to see how little (and most often no support) is given to the victims, but unending support is given to the abuser. Something is very, very wrong with that picture. I will continue speaking out, and as long as I am breathing, I will advocate for our children! Thank you so much for your response!

    • Lady Why, It’s so disheartening, isn’t it, when a person will not see and accept the truth!

  3. Thank you, Clara, for continuing to write about your experiences. I was sexually abused by my father who is also a Church of Christ preacher. My parents divorced when she caught him saying and doing inappropriate things to me, a four month old baby. I still see my father, but our relationship is strained. It’s just nice to know I’m not alone.
    In Christian love,
    Hannah

    • Hannah, You have a brave, courageous mother who loves you with all of her heart. I know of so many mothers who give “second chances” to the abusers, who actually “turn their heads” when they see abuse going on, and some who just ignore it and go on as if nothing happened because that’s the easier, more comfortable road to take. God bless your mother!!! I’m so sorry that this abuse entered your life (at such a young age), but thank God your mother took action right away. You are not alone!!! I’m not sure that I could have any kind of a relationship (not even a strained one) with my father had he abused me. You are a special lady!!!

  4. I too am the wife of a child sex offender (unfortunately). I know all too well the pain and torture of having to believe the unthinkable about someone that you love–the father of your children. My heart goes out to Mrs. Sandusky for having to face this time under the scrutiny of the public. However, I am deeply disappointed that she did not take advantage of her position to become and educator and an advocate. She had the public platform and opportunity to say what many of us wish we could—that the wife of a pedophile is a also a victim. That we are just as deceived and manipulated as the children that our husbands molest. She could have educated herself and taken a firm stance to draw attention to how powerful these men are, and garnered support for the unsuspecting families of pedophiles. She would have still faced scrutiny and criticism, as there are many who would simply not understand, but what an advocate she could have chosen to be. She has only helped to further the belief that the wives are just as guilty as the offenders. Thank you, Clara, for taking the more difficult road of accepting the truth of your husband’s actions. Thank you for making yourself vulnerable in the hopes of helping women, children, and adult survivors of sexual abuse.
    Mrs. Sandusky–if you read this–please know that there is no shame in admitting that you were just as fooled by your husband as the rest of the world was. In fact, you should receive even more grace because you were not just fooled by the public persona of “Coach Sandusky”—you were fooled by a man that you loved, that you had shared deeply private and intimate moments with, and that is the most painful betrayal of all.

    • Jennifer, You have written this reply beautifully, and I can only hope and pray that Mrs. Sandusky will read this and that her conscience will be pricked enough that she will see and believe what is true about her husband. I’m so very sorry that you’ve been betrayed by a pedophile, too. The more I write, the more I’m finding out that there are lots and lots of wives of pedophiles. I hope and pray that some of them are able to see this blog and that they will feel empowered rather than ashamed. You are so right — we are victims of abuse, also. But, it is so healing to be able to speak out and to know that we are helping others! Thank you so much for your response!

  5. I appreciate you calling this out. I haven’t kept up with where Dottie stood on her husband’s horrible actions. I had a feeling she was sticking by him and I’ve just been disgusted by that thought. She needs to be made accountable even if it’s just by letting the public know that she isn’t standing up for the abused. I pray too that she will let the light shine on her. It could be that a woman of her character wouldn’t be able to handle it. Unfortunately, she should be found an accessory to his crimes now.
    In the beginning of reading your story I had trouble believing that somehow you had to have seen the signs. But I kept reading and started to understand. Now to read your story knowing you are trying to give EVERY chance possible to save someone from this type of abuse, thrills my soul. You are following what God would have you to do with the tools you now have. Thank you for that and for having the courage to continue!! Thank you for getting the message out and writing the very hard words that I’m sure sear your heart, but you know it’s what you have to do.
    Simply, Thank you!

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