Married to a Pedophile: Shame on You, Dottie Sandusky!

At first I sympathized with Dottie Sandusky.  I, too, walked in her shoes.  The man I loved and trusted and shared my life with was living a double life.  The man I married was a pedophile, too, and on some level I connected with Dottie Sandusky.  I cried for her when her husband was arrested.  I cried for her when she learned the truth about the man she loved.  I cried for her because I thought she would stay awake at night crying for the victims who were harmed by her husband.  I cried for her because I knew how hard it is to realize that your life has been a lie.  I cried for her because I thought she shared the same brokenness that I feel every day of my life for those whose lives have been tormented and shamed and pained in terrible ways by the man I loved.

But, I will not cry for Dottie Sandusky any more!  Shame on you!  Shame on you, Dottie Sandusky!  How can you do this?  How can you continue to defend this man?  How can you defend this man who sits in prison for committing horrendous acts against children?   How can you do this, Dottie Sandusky?  If you are new to this blog, please begin here and read all the way through.  I ask you to do this so that you will not have blinders on like Dottie Sandusky.  The reading is difficult.  It’s not fun to read about people who abuse children.  But, it’s real.  It’s happening.  And, we owe it to those who have endured horrible pain to be there for them, to support them, and to believe them beyond all doubt!!!

I’ll say it again.  Shame on you, Dottie Sandusky! 

I’ve printed off every article written about Jerry Sandusky and Dottie Sandusky since the news of Jerry’s hidden life surfaced.  Why?  Because I had to know two things.  What would happen to Sandusky?  Would he get away with his crimes, or would he get the punishment he deserves?  And, I had to know about his wife.  What would her response be when she understood that her husband had done terrible things to children while cloaking himself with a façade that hid the darkness of his heart.

Jerry Sandusky, much like the man I was married to, was loved and adored by thousands of people of all ages.  They had so many similarities that it makes me frightened.  They served people.  They did countless good deeds.  They loved God.  They were family men.  They were gentle and kind in their demeanor.  They were polite and soft-spoken.  They were courteous and patient.

And, they were both molesting children!  Beautiful children.  Innocent children.  Children who looked to them for protection.  Children who wanted what every child wants — to feel special and to feel loved.

Jerry Sandusky and John Hinton did evil things to children and they are both serving life sentences in prison because of it.

When Dottie Sandusky first defended her husband, I thought maybe she was still in shock.  I thought some time would allow her to be alone with her thoughts and she would finally accept the fact that she, too, had been used, abused, and betrayed.  I thought Dottie Sandusky would mourn for those children molested by her husband.

But, sadly, Dottie Sandusky is still defending her husband.  She is still living in a world of lies and pretenses.  She is still not accepting what is the truth.  And, by defending her husband she is creating untold pain, not just for the victims of Jerry Sandusky, but for the countless others who fell victim to the crimes of the Jerry Sandusky’s and the John Hinton’s of this world. 

Shame on you, Dottie Sandusky, for causing so much additional pain! 

Yes, it’s painful to realize your life as a wife was not at all that you thought it was.  Yes, it’s difficult, if not impossible, to understand how you could live with a man for the better part of your life and not know him.  But, it’s the truth.  And, as hard as it is, we must accept the truth.  Yes, it’s heartbreaking to think that your husband could cause life-long pain and suffering to innocent children.  Often, the truth is hard to accept!

Pedophiles lie.  Pedophiles deceive.  Pedophiles trick people, use people, mock people, hurt people, control people.

Pedophiles sexually abuse children.

Dottie Sandusky, for the record let me tell  you something.  I don’t feel sorry for you any more!  I won’t cry for you any more!  I’m pained by the way you continue to defend your husband, and I want you to stop!  For the sake of all of the children who have been harmed by sexual abuse you need to stop believing the lies that your husband told you!

You, Dottie Sandusky, have so many more opportunities than I to speak out on behalf of abused children and instead you defend the guilty one!

I won’t cry for you, but I will pray for you.  I will pray that you will take off your protective shield and strip down to the bare naked facts.  Jerry Sandusky is a child molester.  He hurt children in unfathomable ways just as John Hinton hurt children in unspeakable ways!

I will pray for you constantly with the hope that you will stop harming children by defending your husband.  I will pray that you will stand strong and tall and bold and do all that you can to promote the education needed for children and parents to learn how to stay safe from pedophiles.

To all those reading this who have been harmed by the actions of sexual molesters, please know that there are many who sincerely do believe you.  There are many who will stand by you and help you.  There are many who unite and become a voice for you.

There are many who love you and hurt with you.  There are many who want to help you find your voice again!

Beauty in Every SoulEach one of us who reads this blog is a voice for children of child sexual abuse.  The greatest thing you can do for a child of abuse is to believe.  Believe that child — no matter what age!  Most children of abuse don’t ever reveal the fact that they’ve been abused.  Why?  They’re too ashamed.  They feel like they have no worth.  They feel like nobody would ever be able to love them if they knew “that” about them.  And, there is an ongoing fear of not being believed.  To try to tell of the abuse and to not be believed is like being re-victimized all over again.

Children of abuse don’t lie!  Many children who finally find the courage to tell, are in their 40’s and often older.  It’s takes so much courage to speak out and say, “I am a survivor of child sexual abuse!” 

Thank you for joining forces with me and continuing to advocate for our children.  We need to do all we can to keep our children safe and to help those who have been hurt by abuse to have a safe place to fall so that they can heal.

Next time I will continue on with my personal story.  Thank you for listening.  Thank you for caring.  Thank you for sharing!  Thank you for being a strong voice for our children!



*If you are in need of a speaker for your school, church, local daycare, or group of interested parents, please email me at  .


19 thoughts on “Married to a Pedophile: Shame on You, Dottie Sandusky!

  1. “Dottie Sandusky said it was a “crazy idea” to think former coach Joe Paterno and former university president Graham Spanier would have put children at risk to protect her husband, who was retired at the time” <===this is from the article that is linked in your blog above.

    Dottie just doesn't get it. Paterno and Spanier weren't trying to protect her husband, Jerry Sandusky. They were protecting themselves for having Sandusky on the staff KNOWING he was molesting children, *during THAT time*, but valued his coaching contributions over the safety and futures of the children. It was about saving their careers; their legacies.

  2. It makes me wonder, those who so adamantly defend people who have plainly abused children or women, if the denial doesn’t mask a culpability that they perhaps knew more than they let on. Some of the things I’ve read about Sandusky remind me of Marilyn Van Derbur’s story of her mother learning about the abuse her father had put her through only to walk the other way and never bring it up. Maybe Dottie Sandusky is just incredibly naive, but it’s hard to believe. I can’t imagine the pain of knowing a loved one had done horrible things to children, but I also can’t imagine not mourning for those children and hating the sin.

    • Jim, I’ve been laying awake at night wondering some of the same things you’re thinking about. I’ve watched Dottie Sandusky’s interviews time and time again trying to get a feel for her. I knew — I absolutely, positively knew that there was something wrong with John. For the love of God, I couldn’t figure it out. Even the counselor I went to for almost four years said at best she thought he had some kind of personality disorder. But, by golly, when the news came out about him being a molester, I can tell you that, while I was in shock, I sure didn’t hesitate to believe that he was guilty!!!! It helped in my case that John never denied that he was a molester. Maybe it would be different if he kept claiming his innocence. I don’t know. In Sandusky’s case, Dottie has hard facts that were presented. There is NO QUESTION that her husband did those things. I tend to believe it is a case similar to Marilyn Van Derbur’s story, too. It’s easier and more politically correct for Dottie Sandusky to turn her head and hide in a self-protective shell and say, “No way. He didn’t do it.” I cannot imagine, either, not mourning for those children. I just cannot imagine. Thank you so much for your comment!

  3. I have become an expert on WW2 and the German American Experience. In Hawaii, the FBI came and interned German immigrants and German American and Italian American adults. In some cases, they took both parents and left the children on the streets of Honolulu to survive on their own. You can imagine what happened to the children. Abuse of all kinds by both adults and children. If you want to read about some of this, I would recommend Humboldt State Professor Stephen Fox’s book, “Fear Itself.” You can get it on Kindle for five bucks. They are in their seventies and eighties and are still suffering, many of them.

    • Robert, Thank you for this valuable resource!! I’ve already gone to Amazon and have read the first several pages. Victims of sexual abuse often talk about forgiving and healing and I think we mistake those words thinking all will be “forgotten.” The “remaining scars” will forever be there. Anyone who has suffered abuse knows about those scars — they can become open wounds (and often do) when a certain sight, sound, smell, or word releases a trigger in the innermost part of the brain. Suffering of this nature will remain with a person forever. And, that’s why I will continue to be baffled by the actions and words of Dottie Sandusky. Obviously, she has not connected with the abuse those children suffered. May God open her heart and her mind to the truth!

  4. I imediately thought of you when I heard what Dottie said. I am thankful you are strong enough to speak out publically about the situation. I will continue to pray for you as you reach out to others and encourage victims. God Bless you!!

    • Laura, Thank you! Unless we learn to speak out, nothing will get changed!!! And, situations such as Dottie Sandusky defending a child molester and standing by him with her public announcements is doing a horrendous amount of harm! Again, thank you for your comment.

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