I’m back after a three month break while finishing up writing my book on finding hope after child loss. If you know of anyone who has experienced the loss of a child, please give them a copy of the book. Part of our mission is to help people who are suffering, and this book will help any parent who is suffering the pain of child loss.
This weekend I had the blessing of attending a conference on child sexual abuse. I wish I could say that it was enjoyable, but quite the contrary. While at this conference, I had the opportunity to hear two survivors of child sexual abuse speak out and I must say that upon hearing what they endured as children, and what they are enduring now as adults, I could feel my heart literally breaking.
Child sexual abuse is a pain that no child deserves! To turn a deaf ear and do nothing is, in my opinion, a very grave sin! The young woman and young man who spoke out in front of the audience spoke words that were hard to hear. A step-dad and a father were the molesters. The molesting went on for years. In the case of the young woman, she was finally able to get the courage to tell her mother when she was fourteen-years-old. Thankfully her mother believed her and took her daughter away. What followed was a story of heartache and pain. I’ll not go into details, but it isn’t easy to speak out, and that’s why so many victims of abuse remain quiet.
When the young man spoke, his voice was trembling. He began with a prayer asking God to embrace him, to empower him, to give him the strength to speak out. What followed will remain with me for the rest of my days on this earth.
I heard how the father, a preacher, molested this young man and his brothers from little up. Details were given of grooming. The young man broke down and sobbed. He fell to his knees calling out, “Where was God when this was going on? Where was God?”
Tears fell from my face soaking the papers in front of me. These papers were so meaningless. This was a young man speaking of his shattered life.
He explained that his father would molest him, then tell him to come with him and hand out food to the poor of the community. People of the community loved and adored his father. He was exemplary in every way of what a Christian should be. Every way except — he was abusing his four sons every day!
The young man talked about his depression and wanting to end his life. He spoke of sleepless nights when nightmares visited him frequently. He knew of no way out. Nobody would believe this about his father. Not his father — the man of God so loved and adored by the church and community.
And, so his pain continued. He battled severe anxiety, chronic depression, fits of anger, addiction. He was alone and didn’t know what to do so he lay in his bed curled up in a ball wearing socks on his hands to hide his feelings of being dirty. So dirty because of the way he was used by his own father, the preacher, the so-called man of God.
He left home and about three years ago met a lovely young lady, they married and had a son of their own, by the grace of God. He told her of his past — not an easy thing for anyone to do. But, he said it was liberating to finally talk about it and to know that someone could love him — someone could care.
His family was expected to come together for family gatherings, and although he didn’t want to ever see his father again, he attended to see his mother and his brothers. He vowed never to take his eyes off of his father when his little son was in the room.
And, then the unthinkable happened. He turned to reach to get something out of the oven and when he turned back around the father had his hands fondling this young man’s eighteen month old son’s genitals!
The young man fell to his knees weeping. “I failed my son and I vowed at that moment to turn my father in.”
He did turn his father in to the authorities six months ago and a thorough investigation is being conducted. But, it’s not as you would think…………………
This young man called his father and mother together and he confronted his father. He wanted to tell him of all of the agony and pain he has been through and continues to suffer every single day of his life. He wanted his father to know of the nightmares, the anxiety, the depression, the desire to end his life because of the years of abuse.
He wanted his father to care. He wanted his father to say he was sorry.
Instead, he received another jab to his heart.
His father looked at him emotionless. His mother admitted that she suspected this abuse was going on. But, she also made it clear that she would stand by the molester husband and do all she could to make it look like the son was crazy when this case goes to court. She has already begun to drum up support from the local church where her husband preaches. She’s helping to build a case against the son saying his accusations are wild and from the mouth of a crazy person.
This young man wept loud. He cried out in pain and agony again, “Where is God in this? God, where are you? I need you now more than every before!”
His father will probably get off with only a slap on the wrist. His father will not stop molesting. His father will continue to hurt children and cause irreparable pain in the lives of the young and innocent unless we become a united voice to stop this!
I left that conference more broken than ever before. I left knowing that I must do more. I left knowing that WE must do more.
And, so I am asking you for suggestions on where and how to begin. I know we have to get word out to our legislators to change and enforce more strict laws. I know we must work on a local level to bring awareness. I know that we must do something to protect children in churches such as is being done with Church Protect.
How can we become a stronger voice? Please give me your opinions. If you know someone working with our laws, please refer them to this blog. Please give them my email: clarahintonspeaker@gmail.com or refer them to Jimmy Hinton.
We cannot remain silent. We must do something NOW to protect our innocent children and to give comfort to those who have been victimized.
Thank you for any suggestions you can give me.
Love,
Clara
PS If you would like to give some financial support to Church Protect, please buy some of these natural soaps. A portion of every soap purchased goes to Church Protect and that money is used 100% for protecting our children. As always, thank you for your help!
I have read through your entire blog about what you and countless others endured and I am heartbroken for you and them. While I have not experienced by any means what you have, I do see certain patterns in my marriage that are unfortunately very, very similar to those of at minimum a narcissist. I am curious about a couple of things, and I realize that this past year has been even more challenging. I hope not to be insensitive, and it may have been asked here already and I missed it, but did your husband abuse your own children? You say he was basically a great dad, but I wondered. Also, the second year of your blogs the timelines really got skewed in my head and I found it more difficult to follow, but I am curious as to why nobody seemed to think what your husband did to all those elderly people was no big deal and why he continued to be a pillar of the community. You would think that would have been a big concern to a lot of people. And again, maybe I missed it, but when/how did he leave the church he had been pastoring for 30 years? God bless you as you seek to educate and prevent further child abuse, and as you help people give voice to their experiences.
Nina, First of all, I would never reveal any victims of abuse — none — without consent. I hope you are understanding of the position I take on that. I have limited most of my writing to my interactions with John — this is a very painful subject for my children to have public, so I’m especially sensitive to what I say that might in any way hurt them even more than they’ve been hurt by his arrest and conviction of multiple counts of sexual abuse to children. The father of four of the victims did speak out — that was his decision for a very specific purpose and that was to get the message out as to how convincing, how manipulating, and how evil the actions of John were. Other than this father, I’ve had no reason and certainly no desire to victimize again those who he molested. That’s a closed topic with me, and will remain a closed topic. I’m sure you can understand my position.
When John was part of a scheme that took millions of dollars from elderly people, I feel like I took the brunt of that pain. I wept endlessly. And, I still have days where I cry about this knowing that so many people lost their life savings due to his actions. The point you missed is probably the most important reason I write this blog. Pedophiles are very, very controlling. They are world’s best liars and deceivers. And, they are very charismatic. John is the best of the best in every one of these categories. He told a story that he was cajoled into the business scheme and was made to believe that he wasn’t doing anything wrong. The court system proved him wrong. He’s on tape saying things like, “I landed another mooch. Tomorrow I know who we’ll get.” Then he would laugh. I was privy to that information, but the public was not. They only got to see the very distraught John Hinton who said he was innocent. Even on the day of sentencing he would not say he was guilty. He was very convincing and because he was so well loved within the church, he had church members writing letters of support and character letters in favor of him to the District Attorney. There were probably over a hundred letters stating what a wonderful man he was, how he could never be responsible for knowingly doing anything like that, etc. He played the crowd well. He knew exactly what he was doing.
It was a this time that I began seeing John in a different light. I knew he was guilty. I heard him on the phone. I saw him mocking people who bought the false securities. He did not have a Securities License. I’m not a smart business person, but even I knew that he was wrong about that. Keep in mind John is not a dumb person. He’s quite intelligent. Again, he presented himself in such a way to the church that made him very believable. He presented himself as a victim, and the church stood behind him.
He never left the church completely. He “retired” because he said he was getting burned out and he wanted to do preaching on a part-time basis. The church needed a full-time minister, of course, so John continued to teach Bible classes and he did do some traveling on weekends to fill in for churches who had preachers on sabbatical or who had preacher vacancies.
John was always involved in ministry. However, the last four years of his ministry were part-time because he was now working as a “male nanny.” He persued that with a vengeance and once again, the church never questioned him. He had everyone in the palm of his hand.
I hope this answers your questions. This is not just a story. This is about a real man who manipulated and controlled everyone close to him. I shudder now when I think about it.
Please also watch the South African movie “Dis ek, Anna” (it has English subtitles) which is based on the true story of Anna who killed her father for this reason, and the court case that ensued.
I don’t know if it would be legal but to publish the name of an accused molester and his enabler would be a start. This you g man is already suffering the backlash from his ungodly parents and it would probably cause him more trouble which I wouldn’t want to do but these pretenders to the Faith who are molesting children need to be called out.
Lynette, The problem with that is it would ruin any legal case ones such as this young man might have against his father. And, as far as I’m concerned the mother should be punished, too. Unfortunately, and this is really sad, a LOT of people turn away their eyes and ears and do not want to be involved in any way in something that might shame their church, their friends, or their community. This has gone on for ages. I urge you to watch this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ALEfE3rNCqI Her mother knew what was going on — her father was raping her for years, but the mother turned her head. I’ve been to several trainings and have heard story after story of this happening! I am more determined than ever to work very hard on two things: empowering victims of abuse to find their voice, and to get laws changed. When we unite as one voice we will begin to expose these monsters. Thank you so very much for your comments and for your interest.
For a moment there when I started reading this one, I was prepared to read that this was one of your sons who was speaking of this horror. Clara, I want you to know without a doubt that I pray for you and your children every single night of my life. I wish I knew how to get our congregation interested in this. I have sent several of your posts to our minister and education director, but so far have heard nothing. And since M & A didn’t want it known in their city, I’ve still sort of hesitated. Any suggestions as to how to get their attention?
Betty, This conference was so enlightening — Jimmy was one of two keynote speakers and he did an amazing job. I don’t know if there will be video of the young man who spoke, but if there is I will try to post a link to it on this site. I will NEVER forget the anguish and pain this young man described.
I don’t know what will get the attention of ministers and educators at churches. Our church leaders are, as a whole, very disappointing. There are some that I know of who are taking a lead in this crusade, but for every one who is working hard on this, there are ten who turn their backs. They don’t want any embarrassment for their pristine churches. How sad is that? Meanwhile, literally millions of young adults (and older ones) who were abused as children are asking the same question as this young man who spoke, “Where is God in all of this?” We are *supposed* to be the hands, feet, and mouthpieces of our Lord, but when backs are turned on such heinous acts, I can somewhat understand why so many are leaving the church.
What’s the solution? Those of us who do care need to be more vocal and more caring. I’ll be getting together with Jimmy in the next two weeks. I’d like to plan a “walk” to empower those who have been touched by child sexual abuse. Details will have to be worked out, but I’d like to see something done that will give validation to those who have been hurt, and I most definitely want to work hard to expose those who are doing the hurting. An impossible job? Not at all when we stick together as one voice! Thank you for your love and concern.
Aw thats horrific. These people are molester enablers and the mother, disgusting. Hiding behind Christianity. Sorry no advise other than I pray this young man has strength and courage to walk through this and fight. So that at least he was brave to make a stand and hopefully be a voice to help anyone else that may come forward. I myself am still going through court process the justice system can be so unfair even when the father is convicted of molesting my daughter he still gets access to our young son. Hoping it will stay supervised at least otherwise I feel media maybe involved as a last resort for protection. It’s not nice that they are building a case by getting other people involved. Perhaps he can get character references for hinself and psychological reports. Paper trails help with times, dates and events. I’m sorry he had to go through this. Unfortunately in horrible situations God gives man free will. God is a righteous judge though. I hope this man can be restored and better not bitter. Much encouragement to him on this walk and praying for Gods peace for him that surpasses all understanding.
Lisa, I agree with you that this is a horrific example of what often happens in cases of child sexual abuse. To be an enabler — such as this mother is — is so WRONG on so many levels. I am praying that survivors of abuse will become more and more emboldened and rise up and speak out. And, my prayers continue that those of us who are fighting hard for children will rise up, also, and unite our voices to be heard so that legislation can be changed and so that survivors know they have people — many people — fighting hard with them! Thanks so much for your comments!
Where do the man’s brothers stand? File the complaint with the police anyway. There are other victims. You ne Er know who will come out of the woodwork.
Robert, One of the brothers is in an “insane asylum” — the words this young gentleman used as he sobbed and sobbed. I don’t know where the other two brothers are. I hope they will come forward. And, you are so right — there will be other victims come forward, I’m sure!