It’s difficult for me to imagine that so many others have lived a life very similar to mine!  I find solace in knowing that I’m not alone, but I also find deep heartbreak knowing that abuse is still happening.  It’s impossible for me to put into words how I feel about knowing for a fact that children continue to be sexually molested every day.  There are times when I can’t sleep at all because that thought haunts me every minute I’m alive.

If you are new to this blog, I suggest you start here.  This is quick reading, but I won’t promise you it will be easy reading.  But, if you are interested in knowing how to keep your children safe from sexual predators — most likely people who you know — then you have found the right place.

In my last post I mentioned how I was now separated from my husband.  And, when we separated he became even more of a shining star to his children, to his church, and to the community in which he was so well known.  However, as I had the opportunity to step back and really look at him, I was beginning to see more than just odd behavior.  I was seeing behavior that was bizarre and often frightening!   By about the sixth month of our separation, I began seeing John in another light.  I was able to step back and listen to him — really listen to him — as my head began to clear from the cloud of abuse that had been suffocating me for almost forty years.  For the first time in my life I actually heard him tell bold, brassy lies!

He lied about so many things that didn’t make sense!  He was living with one of my sons and his wife and they had strict instructions on what their dogs could eat.  John totally disregarded what they said and fed them table scraps, other cooked foods, and then when the dogs showed signs of illness, he lied.  He lied!  He said he never gave the dogs anything other than their dog food until my son walked in on him and caught him feeding the dogs huge servings of table food.  He had no remorse, but rather boldly said, “The dogs love table food.”  It didn’t matter to him what rules my son had set — John totally disregarded them.

There was a big burn on the kitchen carpet and my son questioned him about it.  They were renting the house and now there was a ruined carpet.  When John was asked what happened he said, “I don’t know.  I never saw that burn before.”

He lied!  He bold-faced lied.  He had taken an oven rack out and laid it on the carpet and it melted the carpet onto the oven rack.  Again — no apologies.  He said, “The landlord will get over it.  This was an old carpet that needed to be replaced anyway.”

There were unusual charges showing up on my credit card.  I called him and questioned if he was using that credit card.  He supposedly cut it up when he left.  He said, “No.  You know I don’t have that card.”

I went to the bank and was able to get phone numbers to call to question about the purchases.  Lo and behold — guess who did it?  He lied again!  John never cut up that credit card.  And, yes, he was making charges that he knew I had to pay!

What was going on?  This was the same man who preached week after week to the congregation about the sin of lying.  He asked people to raise their hands if they ever lied about something on their taxes.  He asked if kids ever lied to their parents.  He asked if spouses ever lied to each other.  And, then he’d preach whole-heartedly from God’s holy word about the horrible sin of lying and the consequences that come from lying.  And, here was this same man now a living legend of lies!

Of course there were more and more lies — he lost a son’s iPod.  He lied about it.  He came to the house and took my mixer and every single one of my cooking pots.  When I questioned him if he took those items, he lied!  Did he not know I’d find out?  All I had to do was call and ask my son if the pots were there?

Seeing him in this light was hard for me because while living with him I believed everything he said.  When I began to doubt, I felt ashamed of myself.  There was a time in my life when I thought I married the most honest man who ever walked the face of this earth.  That was one of the qualities that I found so attractive in him when we first met.

Something else was happening that was very, very odd!!  He continued on his mission to be a full-time “manny” , but he was also getting very “pushy” with people at church and in the community about babysitting their children.  He no longer suggested or requested to watch the kids.  He insisted!!!  And, I have to tell you he was very bold with the way he forced his ways on people.  He did it subtly, but he was unwavering.  He would not take no for an answer!

The kids began calling me with concerns.  “What’s up with dad?  He’s embarrassing the way he’s shoving himself on people and taking their kids all over the place.  People are starting to talk about him asking what’s wrong with him.”

He was jokingly called “the kid snatcher.”  He gave a pitiful story of how lonely he was now that all of his children were grown, he was separated from his wife, and he needed something of value to fill his time.  So, he told people he wanted to babysit for them to help give them a break and time to “date.”  He convincingly said that he wished so much he could go back in time and make certain that he and I had date nights out.  And, his way of giving back to others was to make sure that they had time together as couples.

Well, as you can imagine, the temptation was there to allow him to babysit, yet…..thankfully, most people began viewing his behavior as rather strange and said “no” to him.

And, that’s when he began traveling out of town doing a lot of babysitting for people in churches where he had been an interim preacher.  To tell you just how out of hand this got, he missed his own daughter’s wedding shower because he “promised to babysit a three-year-old while the parents went to a wedding.”  He traveled almost three hours one way to babysit this little girl! I shudder to think of the possibilities of what happened!!!

Odd behavior?  You bet!  Showing his side of being a chronic liar?  Yes indeed!  Persistent and pushing in making certain that he had lots of alone time with little children?  Absolutely!!!!

And, yet……………..not one of us was able to fit the pieces together.  We were watching a man who did so much good, but also was displaying quite openly very bizarre behavior and was also openly lying and knowing he was caught in those lies, but did nothing to stop.  It just didn’t add up.

This is perhaps one of the most critical posts I’ve written to date because in this little segment you have a pedophile who is all but saying, “Look at me.  Watch me.  Look at what I’m doing.  Now, what are you going to do about it?”  He was testing the waters to see just how far he could go without losing his following.  He was also getting super thrills out of pushing his way forward to be alone with little children and seeing just how much he still controlled the parents.

What father misses his own daughter’s wedding shower to drive three hours one-way to babysit a little girl so that her parents could go to a wedding? 

That one act had me baffled for months on end.  It just didn’t add up.  Nothing about that made sense.  Nothing!!!!  It was as though John was waving a flag right in front of our faces saying, “Can’t you see who I am?  I still have you baffled, you fools!”

And, the truth is even though many, many of us thought his behavior was strange, deceitful, and dishonorable, nobody went to him and called him out on the carpet for it and made him accountable for his actions.  He had primed all of our minds for years into seeing him as a shy, honest, sweet, compassionate, funny, service-oriented Christian.  A loving father.  A husband who was crushed deeply by his wife’s diminishing love for him.  He had built such a strong case for himself that even when we saw things that should have horrified us, we still gave him the benefit of the doubt.

And, isn’t that what churches preach and teach constantly?  How many times have I heard the phrase, “Judge not.” We fall so innocently into the trap of thinking that “Judge not” means “question not” and “don’t hold accountable.”

At this point, John’s pedophilic actions were escalating.  He was beginning to spiral out of control.  He was driving little children around publicly alone with him.  He was buying the children toys and things like pajamas.  He took many to special birthday meals as a treat for them.

He was openly and publicly targeting children and adults.  He was on a pedophilic high!

Please listen to me carefully.  I’ve shared with you characteristic traits of a pedophile.  Please don’t be naïve like I was!  Stop being afraid to ask questions and begin demanding answers!  That’s not judging — that’s called holding someone accountable!

And, always remember:  If your gut tells you that something is wrong, then it probably is!  Step away, assess the situation, and then take action!!!!

Please, for the sake and safety of your children, do NOT allow someone to overstep the boundaries you have made for your children!  Stop being afraid to say, “NO!!!  This is my child, and I will take care of my own child!”

And, stop falling into the age-old trap of thinking that preachers are saints.  They are not!  Just because a person holds a bible doesn’t mean that person is a true follower of God.  Just because a person can throw Scriptures in your face doesn’t mean that person is living by those words.

Protect your children!  Keep them safe from predators.  Ask questions.  Get involved with your child’s daily life.  Know who your children are with at all times.  And, if ever your child says something bad has happened to him or her, please BELIEVE YOUR CHILD!!!

It’s time to stop these predators in their tracks.  Please read these signs of pedophilic behavior over and over again until it really sinks in.  Pedophiles are liars.  Their world is built on lies.  And, one of their goals is to make you believe their lies.

No more can we sit back and be quiet!!!  For the sake of our children, we must do all we can to put a stop to this horrible evil of child molestation!

Thank you for listening.  Thank you for caring.  Thank you for sharing.

Next time we will talk about “Time to Panic” — John is finally getting backed into a corner!  John’s empire was beginning to crumble and he was beginning to panic.  And, when people panic, they make mistakes!  Don’t miss this next post!!!

Love,

Clara

*NOTE:  If you are looking for a speaker to come educate parents about how to keep their children safe, please email me at:  clarahintonspeaker@gmail.com