Have you ever questioned the statistics about how many children are sexually abused? One in five girls and one in every twenty boys have been sexually assaulted in the United States — and this statistic is only for the abuse that has been reported! It’s a fact that due to repression or fear of being hated, ugly, and unloved, most children will never speak out about their childhood sexual abuse.
The facts are daunting and at times unbelievable until………..until the sexual molestation somehow becomes personal.
To be perfectly honest, I never really thought at all about children being molested. In fact, I really didn’t have knowledge that such evil existed. Not until my husband — the man I loved and adored for almost forty years — was arrested for child molestation! Let’s pick up with my story where we left off last week about how bold John was becoming with his actions. Now that I am armed with knowledge, as I look back on what was happening at that time in our lives, I want to scream. I want to punch a wall. I want to stand on a mountain and say, “He’s evil. Get away from him! He’s not who you think he is!” There were signs all around suggesting that something was very wrong, but nobody, including me, saw the signs.
*Note: If you’re new to the blog, please start here. The blog continues in chronological order as you just click on to the arrow that says next at the top of each page (in blue).
Okay, at this time John was getting more and more open with his passionate drive to spend time alone with children. By now he was to the point of “forcing” himself on people to babysit their children — always for free. He was doing things like buying toys for children at church and he would offer to take them in a room to play while their parents could have the freedom to listen to the sermon. He was also becoming more and more involved with families who had young children when he preached out-of-town. He wanted little ones to call him “Pap” — the name my own grandchildren called him.
Can you see how close he wanted the children and the parents to feel to him? He wanted to affectionately be called by the name his own family called him! How brilliant on his part!
As I mentioned last time, John and I were now separated. As I think back on this, I cannot believe I got the courage to stand up for myself and say that I was no longer happy living with him and I wouldn’t continue on as things were. Of course, he left on his own conditions, and he also spread around publicly that I was the cause of our family’s demise. He said I was unwilling to talk to him. He said I was causing his heart to break. He said I was causing our children immense pain and suffering. He said I was a liar. He said I was turning my back on the family. And, on and on it went.
And, you know what? He was believed! Why? Because he had made certain that every action of his was so well thought out and so well planned that he was viewed as being one hundred percent credible and charming! And, that is exactly how manipulative, controlling pedophiles work! That is exactly how pedophiles win over parents and children so that they can get access to sexually molest children. That is exactly how John Hinton was able to molest children and get away with it from the age of fourteen to sixty-two!
I’m furious as I write this because as adults — especially Christian adults — are so gullible at times. We desperately want to see the good in others so much that often our eyes are totally blinded to the truth! And, this was just the case with John.
John was very active on the internet at this time with Facebook. He was working very little — he was still a weekend traveling preacher, and he was in an intensive hunt for a job as a manny. So that allowed him plenty of free hours each day to play.
Some of my children urged me to create a Facebook account so that I could look for old friends, and keep up with family members who lived away. I thought it was an okay idea, but I didn’t have a clue how to do it. Technology isn’t my greatest asset, I can tell you that! And, every one of my children will attest to that fact!
Anyway, I created an account and before I knew it I had a friend request from someone named “Big Bad.” Keep in mind that I didn’t know how to navigate around the internet except for emails, so I decided to send John an email and ask him what I should do.
Oh, did he have a hearty laugh on that one! He explained how to accept a friend request if I knew the person and wanted to connect with them. And, then he said something that will haunt me forever. “Hey, be sure to accept the request from ‘Big Bad’. He wants to keep a good eye on you!”
You guessed it! HE had made a profile naming himself “Big Bad.” (Use your imagination just a bit to think what his implication was by choosing that as his name. I get physically ill thinking about it.)
I accepted him as a friend, but something felt weird. Odd. Not right. He had a profile picture of himself with that smirk and it made me tense up immediately. And, he had picture after picture of himself with little children — almost exclusively little girls — that I didn’t know. He was holding them on his lap. He was swinging them in the air. Some of them were pictures of the little girls sleeping. Some were of the little girls eating in restaurants — with him I’m assuming. Many were of the little girls in pajamas or swim suits and shorts. There is nothing unusual or profane about the pictures he took. But, one thing struck me as very strange. The parents of the children were missing in the pictures, and it really bugged me to know who all of these new faces were.
And, even more odd was the fact that his pictures consisted of mainly little girls the same age.
So, I emailed him. Quite frankly, I was a good bit perturbed because he had pictures of little children that weren’t our grandchildren. No offense meant to anyone because I love children, but to be honest, I love my grandchildren in a different way. They are mine and I love them on a much deeper, much personal level and I’m a bit protective of that. To see John with all of these other children made me a bit angry!
“Who are these little kids? How do you know all of them?”
“They’re my adopted grandkids. I’ve met them at churches where I’ve preached. Some are kids that I’ve babysat or brought food to their homes. They don’t get much attention at home, if any, so I’m just making them feel loved. They all call me Pap.”
Now, here’s the real bummer. I fell for it! I honestly fell for his lies!! And, you want to know what’s even worse? I condemned myself for not loving other little children more. In fact, I said to John, “You’re a much better person than I. I couldn’t get that mushy over little kids who weren’t mine. I don’t know…I just can’t do it.”
His response was convincing. “Well, you know how much I’ve always loved kids and now that I have time on my hands I’m dedicating it to helping little ones who don’t get much love, if any, at home.”
His charm was so credible! I felt so ashamed for thinking wrongly of him!
Can you see what I didn’t see? Can you see how bold he was in posting pictures? Can you see how he blatantly lied to me and got away with it? Can you see how he came off looking like such a great, wonderful caring person to others? Can you see how I fell right into his trap again and again and again? Can you see how he was doing things more and more publicly and nobody questioned him? Do you understand why?
Are you “getting it” as to how pedophiles get away with sexually molesting children without ever looking like a suspect of wrong doing?
Pedophiles are smart. They take a long time to study and plan how to make certain you will fall into their trap of lies. They will take their lies and evil actions and turn them around to look like something beautiful leaving you feeling ashamed for ever questioning their actions. They will talk with charm.
Pedophiles are believable.
Pedophiles are also people who commit the worst actions imaginable on children. They use young, innocent children to satisfy their own malicious needs. They will take away the innocence of childhood and that is something that can never be given back. They will use their power to make a child feel powerless. They are crafty and will twist the minds of adults to adore them and believe them and then to allow them to be trusted with the most precious gift in the world — a child!
It’s time we wise up to the fact that pedophiles are everywhere. And, they’re not the dirty old men lurking in the bushes. John Hinton sure didn’t come off as a dirty old man. He was charming and he was credible! Jerry Sandusky didn’t come off as a dirty old man. He was loved and adored by thousands of people who entrusted their children to him!
Don’t be as blind as I was to the red flags that were waving in my face! If you see someone with an unnatural desire to be around young children, please pay close attention! Keep in mind, too, that most victims know their abuser. That is a frightening, but true fact!
Pay attention to young children when they try to give you clues as to what has been happening in their young lives. Often, they want to tell, but they’re too afraid they will not be believed! Look for possible signs that a child may have been abused.
Lastly, if you have suspicions of child sexual abuse, REPORT!!!! If you’re wrong, you’re wrong. If you’re right, you have saved a child from a lifetime of pain!!!
Thank you for listening and caring. I know this isn’t easy to read, but it’s the most important information you need! I appreciate you continuing to pass on this information to others. Education is powerful, and it’s time we get armed and educated — for the children!
The next time we’re together, I’ll share what was in the email that John accidentally sent to me. He was so bold and he had no fear of getting caught. In his mind he was unstoppable!!!
Thank you, again, for helping me to advocate and educate for the safety of our children.
Love,
Clara
If you are interested in me speaking to your church, your PTA, your school administration, your parent’s group, please email me at: clarahintonspeaker@gmail.com
Thanks again, Clara, for saying what is not so obvious to most of us. You are right to state strongly that pedophiles do not look as such. It is human nature to judge by appearance, because it is much more difficult to judge by deeds over time. In addition, pedophiles manipulate us so that their deeds are judged to be good. On top of that, the adults most likely to see the “red flags” are the ones least likely to see them for what they are. The spouses, siblings, parents of the abuser see those signs more than anyone yet have great difficulty interpreting them — how can someone so close to you, that you love, be that thing, that person who takes the innocence from the innocent? Pedophiles can be physically and emotionally abusive toward their spouse (in private) as well, which creates fear for even the smallest confrontation over the smallest thing. Parents, therefore, must be the first line of defense for their children. Learn the signs well, and be brave enough to see them for what they are, for your child’s sake and for others’ children. If it is your spouse that you suspect adores others’ children just a little too much, keep an eye on him, and be brave and prepared to act (contact the appropriate authorities) if it comes to that.
I can’t thank you enough for being so brave to recount your marriage to a pedophile for the benefit of all, Clara. I’m sure that your insight has, and will, help many.
Kathleen, Thank you so much for your comments!!! The things you have shared are so, so helpful!!!!
The old saying, “If it doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t” is a good rule of thumb to live by as far as pedophiles are concerned. I would say that 99% of the time there are no flashing red lights to let us know something is wrong. There are small things that just don’t add up — and the more we think about these things the more they don’t add up until we finally know something is very, very wrong.
Again, thank you for your comments!
Was he not reported through Facebook with that username and pictures of so many little girls? That seems to scream pedophile…As your story moves into more modern day with more awareness, it baffles me that he was not reported earlier with such obvious red flags. I hope you know that you are worthy of love and have good friendships in your life now. You are a survivor too. I hope you can know hope and healing as well. No husband should ever treat his wife like you were treated…it was wrong and it saddens me that you did not have the support and someone to come along side you back then to help you. How is your relationship with the rest of your children today? I know you mention Jimmy a lot, but how are the other 10 doing? Do they now see their dad for who he really is….just curious if they see NOW how he manipulated them too.
Clara, I love your quote and the heart that wrote it. I was that lone tree on the massive rock. Now thanks to the Solid Rock, Jesus Christ, I am free from that childhood loneliness and isolation and speak to others as often as possible. That shame and isolation can lead to other forms of abuse as an adult and did. I praise God that it is no longer happening to me, but also pray for those that it is happening to now. I pinned it and would like it hanging on my wall.
The other day I spoke to my mother and she reminded me of how many men I have had in my life. Mostly abusive or short term, I don’t really like this guy dating and the one who was a loving, sincere person died. It breaks my heart that she still does not truly see that she was married to my abuser and pedophile for 53 years before he died. She was at work and had to get off of the phone quickly after her remark. It is probably a good thing. At that moment I can imagine saying something painfully honest. It hurts that she doesn’t accept or take responsibility for not seeing what happened to us. I was thinking, “Wow mom, your life was so much better. My dad abandoned us and you divorced him and married a pedophile who abused us all. That is so much better than the way my life turned out. I may now live alone, but I do not live with an abuser and never did with a pedophile after my childhood.” She looked the other way at all of it.
Clara, it was so much different for you. Your children weren’t being abused. You were, that to me is obvious in your writing. John did abuse the last of your children by leaving them hungry and in the cold. A man who will not provide for his children is not a man even if he isn’t a pedophile. You weren’t turning a blind eye, you tried to understand, but you were in the fog without knowledge of such things.
There are, to my knowledge, 7 women who were used and abused by family members within our family as children including my mother. There may be others who never spoke up. I didn’t see it in my own daughter until she was 7. This time it was an older boy from another school as she was walking home from a store within 2 blocks of our house. She managed to get away from him, but not from my brother. I think it is a crime that a statute of limitations on molesting children exists. The boy who attacked my daughter was being sent to juvenile detention until he turned 18 for other crimes so we didn’t have to go to court. She was then raped in statutory fashion at 14, but she would not tell anyone who it was. He was later sentenced to life in prison. We don’t know why and don’t care. Justice is served. The baby that she had died at 9 months from Sudden Infant Death. It is so true that victims of pedophiles life with it for the rest of their lives.
Brenda R, I wish I could reach through the computer and give you a big “mama Hinton” hug! I’m so terribly sorry for all you’ve been through as well as for all of those in your family who have suffered at the hand of abuse. YOU are a survivor — a true survivor — and I’m so thankful for that!!!
Thank you for sharing so much of your pain so that others might learn and be encouraged!!!
I must comment on the statute of limitations……………..I totally agree with what you said. This is a shameful law that remains on the books and I’d like to dedicate a lot of my time to getting that changed. Abusers/molesters know the laws and believe me they’re counting on the statute of limitations saving them. I desperately want to get this changed!
Again, thank you so much for your comments!!!
Can I tweak your red flags a little? Pedophile A likes 5 year old girls. Pedophile B likes 10 year old girls and he doesn’t consider himself a pedophiles but he does look down on Pedophile A. In their delusion, they truly believe their passion is no big deal so they’d can be sincerely opposed to the passions of other pedophiles who have different preferences.
In other words, watch to see if the adult has lots of strange kids pictures, and most of the kids are the same age, whatever that age may be.
Another red flag on kids is if they cling to siblings when certain adults come over. A lady I know said she used to do that when a certain adult visited. He was molesting both of them. Neither you nor Jimmy have mentioned that one. Keep up the good work.
Thank you so much, Robert!!!
Clara, I have to interject here. I’ve been waiting for you to address this about John. When he was a part of our church, you know that he “volunteered” to babysit the children of a single father. But here’s something else: he also “volunteered” to head up child care for a Marriage Seminar that was held over a weekend. He enlisted some of our teens, my stepdaughter was included. Imagine how I feel now, when she told me at the end of the weekend that she and the other teens had been sent downstairs to the fellowship hall with the older kids, and that he was left alone with at least one infant and one toddler – both little girls.
To add to that, when the announcement of John’s arrest came out, the elders made it a point to say that “Nothing ever happened on church property”. And when I spoke to that elder, he refused to hear me.
I pray daily for all of his victims. I pray also that God forgives me, too.
Love you, dear sister.
Julia, I did an edit of part of your comment due to privacy issues. I hope you understand.
That being said, I would say I’m surprised to hear the response from the church, but I’m not. Sadly, most churches (not all, but the vast majority) want to protect the image of their church, and in this case, possibly the privacy of some of those involved. This was a difficult case — a terrible set of circumstances taking place with the blessings of parents, church leaders, etc.
Sadly, everyone was duped. I have recurring dreams about this all of the time. How could none of us see? And, that is why I wrote this particular blog article.
I’ll say it again: “Pedophiles are very charming. They come off as credible. They are the last person on earth we would suspect of hurting our children.”
I’m so sorry for all that has touched your life because of this, and I will continue to pray for all of the children until I draw my last breath.
I am so glad that John is not free to do this anymore.
I’m glad of the edit in a way, Clara. In another way, I know that the FCC leaders are reading your column. I’m disappointed with many of their responses. On the one hand, they did make the announcement and cooperated with the police. On the other, I feel that they withheld information to protect their liability. Dane visited John regularly at County and pronounced him repentant. Others were sending cards and talking of “John’s new ministry”. It sickened me.
One day, the oldest of the girls met me on the steps and initiated a conversation. (She was one of two girls that John brought to our house just before he was arrested- he was helping Andy with a meditation. I was uncomfortable and said so; he was keeping them overnight for her birthday. He became angry with me and left. I called the father, who also upbraided me…
Anyway, Dane’s wife and an elder’s wife were there and Karen, who teaches school, attempted to intervene. The girl had asked me, did I know what John did and where he was now? I sat on the steps, put my arms around her, and we just cried. And cried. We talked all thru the service.
Those two ladies never spoke to me again. We left FCC not long after that.
So here we are in Cumberland. I’m the Administrative Assistant to the pastors now. We’ve dealt with similar situations already. I’m blessed to be able to use what God taught me and all that you’ve shared.
Obviously, the above is not for publication as there are too many details! Please accept my heartfelt thanks and prayers as you continue to go forth v