If you’ve been following along with my story about being married for almost forty years to a practicing pedophile, you know that we finally separated.  But, it wasn’t because I knew that he was a pedophile.  Far from it!  That knowledge wouldn’t come until four long, heart-ache filled years later.

Living in a fog — that’s the only way I can describe the first few weeks of our separation.  The one thing I dreaded most in life — a failed marriage — had finally become reality.  And, even worse was the fact that everyone would know that I was a failure.  I live in a small community and because our family was so large, we always seemed to be a topic of conversation, and this was definitely a topic people loved discussing!

Our minds can only take so much pain at a time so I retreated into the well-known fog of grief.  And, one of the greatest coping skills for those who are living through trauma is denial and the inability to think straight.

However, I didn’t have that luxury.  There was a mortgage payment to be made each month.  There were two daughters to take care of, and there were stacks of bills that needed immediate attention.  I had no idea how to do it, but one thing was certain……..  Continue reading →