The question comes up frequently, “What do you do with the pedophile who has repented? He’s served his time in prison, paid his dues, said he’s sorry, has asked for forgiveness. What is the responsibility of Christians?”
That’s a great question! We do we do? What do we do as families? Welcome these people back with open arms and open hearts? Do we forgive and forget? Do we take the pedophile at his word and never question him again? Do we hold this person to some kind of accountability? If so, what should that accountability be?
This isn’t an easy subject, and it’s certainly one that I wouldn’t have tackled on my own. However, it’s a question that deserves our attention. You might disagree with what I’m going to say. You might even get a bit angry with me. That’s okay. The information I’m going to share is written from the son of a pedophile who is also a minister. He spares nothing in talking about this, so I’ll forewarn you that this is difficult to read. This son of a pedophile is my son. His story is heartbreaking. He is the one who was approached by a victim of his dad. He is the one who turned his dad in to the police. He is the one who heard from his dad’s own mouth his confession of molesting many, many young children. He is the one who has taken a stand based on God’s holy word.
Please read this article with an open heart and mind. Child molestation is real. It happens every day by people that we trust. It happens by people who outwardly are kind and generous — even as they are molesting children. It happens and it’s real. Every day children are being molested — harmed, degraded, raped, used for someone else’s sexual gratification. And, these children must live with this ongoing pain.
Please read, and if your heart is so moved, please share this valuable information. For the sake of every child alive, let’s open our eyes to what goes on in the real world and step up to the responsibility and honor of keeping our children safe!
What Place Do Pedophiles Have in the Church? by Jimmy Hinton. Thank you for reading. Thank you for your comments. Thank you for sharing. And, thank you for doing all you can to keep our children safe!
Together we are becoming a strong voice and shield of protection for our children!
If you are in need of a speaker, please contact me at clarahintonspeaker@gmail.com . It is my hope and prayer to continue to help! Who needs to be educated? We all do! Parents, grandparents, teachers, preachers, elders, deacons, parent groups, churches, day cares…….any place that has children needs to have a safe plan in place!
I’m here to help.
Love,
Clara
Can the men of the church step up and handle this? Why not a men’s only Bible study for identified offenders held away from the church building and certainly away from children.
Not counseling (professionals are needed for that kind of intensive counseling) but a true Bible study. The offender has community and the church does not fall prey to either turning a blind eye in the name of forgiveness OR trying to prove forgiveness by allowing a convicted offender to use and manipulate the church.
I realize that not many men would be eager to associate with a convicted pedophile but God must put it on the heart of some. The same would hold true for a female offender.
Kathy, By all means men of the church could step up and handle this. I believe with all of my heart that if an offender is truly sincere about worshipping, then he/she will have no problem whatsoever staying in a service that has no children. I really like the idea of an all men’s or all women’s service — depending on who the offender is. And, yes, there are many, many willing and able to teach such classes.
Thank you so much for such great input!
Church tried that a couple months ago. They neighbors to the church got it shut down.
Hi Clara,
Thank you for writing all of this, and sharing it. I can’t imagine how hard each post must be.
I wanted to share with you something that happened to me and my kids the other day, and because of your blog I reacted a bit differently than I perhaps would have before.
I was at the local library with our four youngest, one of which is an 11 year old girl. While there, a man tried to approach my kids – I was standing with them, but he did not act as if I was there at all. He was solely focused on the children. First time we were in line at the desk, and I walked us away from him. When he followed us to our table, and made a point to talk to my 11 year old daughter, again without acknowledging me, I made sure he understood he was not welcome talking to my kids.
He left.
I didn’t see it as a cute thing. I wasn’t flattered that he thought my kids were ‘adorable’ or ‘sweet’. I didn’t see him as a nice older man who just wanted to talk to young people.
Red flags were flying, and I wanted him away from them. Even when I confronted him, he acted like I wasn’t really there – which only cemented my fears.
If we ever go back to that library again, and if we see him, I’ll be reporting him to the librarians. My only regret in this is that I didn’t report him to the librarians at that point. My focus was on getting him to leave my kids alone, and when it was over he left – so I didn’t think of reporting him.
I’ll be looking out for him next time.
But I wanted you to know my own story of one way you’ve helped me change.
Thank you,
Sherry
Sherry, THANK YOU so very much for sharing this! This is just how the “grooming” begins! Sometimes we’re so afraid to say something for fear of hurting the “nice person’s feeling.” When we back away from the situation, though, we can see clearly that this is not normal behavior! I cannot imagine going up to a stranger’s child and trying to begin a conversation, then following that child to a table, etc. Thank goodness you have set safe boundaries for your children, and you’ve adhered to them! And, by all means, should this ever happen again, please do report the person. The more difficult we make it for people to approach our children, the less change they have of harming them!
I’m really proud of you!
I hit “like” on the article, and a pastor friend of mine read it. He said this is something he has had to deal with frequently, but he didn’t realize the seriousness of it until he had children of his own. He tends to agree with Jimmy about the idea of keeping known pedophiles out of church. Though my husband doesn’t think it is practical, but definitely he should have a deacon by his side at all times.
Lisa, This is extremely serious. And, I think you for taking so much time to respond. I’m so glad that your pastor friend has given this thought. This is a difficult subject and goes against much of what we have been taught as Christians. That being said, our first priority is taking care of our children. And, by separating the pedophiles from the children, we’re doing just that. To date, there is absolutely no information available on truly reformed pedophiles. They can talk a good talk and sound so very convincing, BUT when they are put in the presence of a child, all sense seems to go out the window. Thank God we’re finally getting some insights as to how the pedophiliac mind works!
While I was unable to view your article and only able to view the replies, let me respond to your reply.
While the safety of all people, especially children, is important, our first priority as Christians should be:
Matthew 22:
37 Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’[c]
38 This is the first and greatest commandment.
39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’[d]
40 All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”
Separation of pedophiles is not the answer, but can make the problem worse. Sin loves the darkness! A pedophile can not seek help from anyone without fear of being hated and/or punished for the sin they are entrapped in. If no one is willing to help them, they will die in their sin.
They need God, and God has chosen to work through those who believe in Him (Christians). If Christians are no different than the rest of the world and seek to separate themselves from these people who are entrapped in this sin, then Christians will have failed to show the Mercy and Grace of the Lord for which Christ died. We are all sinners and each of us has our own sins which we struggle with and are in need of God’s forgiveness. People have an ability to prioritize sin from worst to not so bad, but God does not have a scale for sin because all sin separates the sinner from God. If we will not forgive our brothers for their sin, what forgiveness is there for our sins? Did God wait until we stopped sinning, then send Jesus to die for our sins? No! He didn’t! We need to help these people, whom God created, by forgiving them for their sins and helping them to restore their broken relationship with God.
I am not saying we shouldn’t watch our children to keep them safe, but we also shouldn’t cast out the sinner (pedophile) for whom Christ died. The Church would be empty if we cast out all who commit sin. A person who was an alcoholic shouldn’t go to the bars and neither should a person who was a pedophile be a Sunday school teacher or lead the youth. The leaders of the Church should talk with a person who is trapped in sin and should make themselves available to pray with them and help them in any way possible. We should treat them as part of our family, the family of God. We need to love them, just as God loves them and us, in that he was willing, and did, send His Son (Jesus) to die for their sins and ours so that we would be saved from our sins and be reunited with Him.
We are to confess our sins, one to another. Sin loves the darkness and when we confess our sins to each other this brings the sin into the light. With the help of God and fellow believers, the sinner is better able to resist the devil and the devil will flee; bringing freedom to the one who was entrapped in sin.
As long as there is fear of being ostracized from society as a whole, there will never be information on truly reformed pedophiles; only God and the sinner will know. The only insights you will have are from those who have studied pedophiles and have formed “their opinions” based on “their knowledge” not their experience. The wisdom of man is foolishness to God.
In closing,
1 Corinthians 10:13
No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.
Matthew 19:
16 Just then a man came up to Jesus and asked, “Teacher, what good thing must I do to get eternal life?”
17 “Why do you ask me about what is good?” Jesus replied. “There is only One who is good. If you want to enter life, keep the commandments.”
18 “Which ones?” he inquired.
Jesus replied, “‘You shall not murder, you shall not commit adultery, you shall not steal, you shall not give false testimony,
19 honor your father and mother,’[c] and ‘love your neighbor as yourself.’[d]”
20 “All these I have kept,” the young man said. “What do I still lack?”
21 Jesus answered, “If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”
22 When the young man heard this, he went away sad, because he had great wealth.
23 Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Truly I tell you, it is hard for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of heaven.
24 Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God.”
25 When the disciples heard this, they were greatly astonished and asked, “Who then can be saved?”
26 Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”
John, I’m not going to go into a lengthy reply right now, but…..I strongly urge you to consider this: If YOUR child was molested repeatedly by a pedophile, and she was suffering daily from shock, trauma, night terrors, and a multiplicity of other types of pain from what had been done to her, how would YOU, as her father, be able to go up to that pedophile and say, “Welcome, all is forgiven” and have your daughter sitting in that church being re-victimized over and over again by the mere sight of this man?
A separate service for pedophiles who are truly repentant would be something a pedophile “desires”, not something he would have forced upon him. Right now, John Hinton is “craving” photos of little girls — as he sits in prison. He has written letter after letter asking for photos. Is he forgiven? I don’t know, and quite truthfully he’s not my concern right now. But, to have him walk freely into a church where his victims sit and to have them see his face and re-live their terrors again and again…….NO WAY! Child sex molestation does severe harm — lasting harm. And, it’s time the church wakes up and begins to show extra care and love to those who have literally fallen into the hands of these molesters. I have no pity whatsoever for the molester, and I have no problem saying that.
Clara,
You are so right about a repentant pedophile “desiring” to stay separate. I explained before how my church allows pedophiles to attend under very strict supervision.
There is currently one convicted pedophile attending the church and he embraces the supervision. If he was unrepentant there are plenty of churches he could go and hide in, but he chooses to stay and put himself under the open authority and supervision of our elders.
John,
You have things a little off kilter. A Pedophile such as this has not repented of their sin to God, the victims or his family. In 1 Cor 5 it discusses what Paul had to say about those who are fornicators (I believe pedophilia qualifies) you are not only to NOT keep company with this person, but you should not even eat with them. You are to put the wicked person away from among you–meaning put them out of the church. This man not only was guilty of abusing children, but his wife and family as well. He used them for his own purpose. He pretended to be a Christian and leader in the church. He was/is a wolf in sheep’s clothing.
Although, he like everyone else has opportunity to repent, John Hinton hasn’t. Clara has done nothing wrong and is trying to help others from the same fate as his victims. She should not be chastised for what she is doing.
Clara was pretty kind in her reply. I’m working hard to figure out how to make my reply as kind.
Would you open your heart and church to known rapists of adult men? Would you feel comfortable knowing that the person next to you desired to rape you, had raped multiple adult men, and is highly likely to rape one again, probably choosing one of the men of your church (maybe you?).
Do you still feel we should be scolded for our lack of Godliness in taking a hard line and trying to figure out how to allow ministry to pedophiles while protecting children?
That is the best analogy I can think of to describe opening the doors of the church, with no restrictions, to pedophiles.
Thank you for this. We recently started attending a new church (not for any negative reason) and I have been pleased with their approach to pedophiles. First, anyone that works in the Children’s ministry must have a criminal background check, take a class on recognizing sexual abuse, and their are many additional guidelines everyone must follow. Obviously, this is not a 100% guarantee, but it makes things much more difficult.
As for repentant pedophiles, they must go through a series of steps and follow many guidelines. The first is that if the abused attends the church, it is the choice of the abused whether the pedophile is even welcome. If the abused says “no,” that’s the end of it. The pedophile must find another church (although our church will still offer assistance). If there is no abused conflict, then the pedophile must meet with several church elders and deacons on a regular basis and demonstrate (as best as a human can judge) that they have remorse and a willingness to change. Finally, they are assigned a couple “deacon escorts” and are not allowed on the church campus without these escorts. Additionally, they are only allowed in certain areas of the building, may only use the one private bathroom that is available, and are only allowed to sit in certain locations of the sanctuary during service (all with their escort).
This is so encouraging to hear that your church has taken an active role is child safety!!! Thank you so much for sharing your church’s policy. I hope (and pray) that others will seriously look at this and get a policy in place!!! So many churches seem to be fearful of taking a stand or they stay away from this topic altogether thinking “it will never happen in my church.” It’s time to wake up and smell the roses — pedophiles are everywhere and we need to have policies in place! The more we do things like this, the more difficult it becomes for the peophile to molest a child! Thanks so much for sharing this information!
I forgot, it does also start with a full confession in front of the congregation and their name and picture is shared with every new member.
S, Are there also rules for known abusive spouses or ex spouses? I am curious as to how this is handled. I was a victim of sexual abuse as a child and went on to an abusive husband and know others that did the same.
I haven’t actually had a chance to make it to the membership class yet, so I don’t know the exact policies for other situations. I think there are similar policies when it relates to individuals convicted of other terrible crimes (abuse, murder, etc). Not sure how it would be handled without a conviction, but I know lots of prayer would be involved.
Jimmy’s perspective is spot on. Pedophiles have no place around children. Pedophiles having been in prison are registered sex offenders and will most likely have restrictions as to how close they can be to children, such as schools. Recently, a local church put out an offender and his wife from their church and being treated as unbelievers. Although this man testifies that he accepted Christ after his crimes, one of which he did prison time for, another victim came forward and a trial is pending. He did not when asking for membership tell anyone of his history, a lie of omission. From what I understand, he stayed away from programs involving children, but lead an in house adult Bible study. When the church found out about the pending trial the location of that gathering changed to another house. The fact still remains that he did not come clean with anyone until this victim came forward and he would be tried for this crime. True repentance causes change. Following Christ causes change. If a pedophile backslides, he will blame-shift making the child the aggressor, he will deny responsibility, accepting responsibility may mean creating your own adult only home church. Having them in the Lord’s house with children or adult victims who could be triggered would be irresponsible of the church. I will not attend a church where I do not feel safe that includes my ex-husband walking through the door. If my step father were still alive, I would not be in the same room with him. Neither have ever repented of what they did to me. God will issue their rewards, I have let go of the pain they caused, that does not mean that I have to have relationship with them.
Brenda, Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on this difficult topic. It’s difficult because most people want to evade the subject — it makes them uncomfortable and forces them into making a decision. You’ve brought to light something that has been a shameful oversight on the part of churches — guarding the safety of the abused. So much emphasis has been placed on “forgiving the sinner” that the abused ones have been forced into situations that have caused additional trauma and pain. I’m so glad that there is an “awakening” beginning to happen. It’s a slow process, but…….the more we talk about this, the more we will see churches stepping up to the plate and adopting safe policies. Thank you for opening your heart and sharing!