Because this blog is growing and being shared by thousands, I am hearing more and more from adults who were sexually abused when they were children. I must tell you that every time I hear another story, my heart bleeds just a bit more. I had no idea that so many children have suffered silently in this horrifying pain!
It is always so wonderful when I hear of victims of abuse who have come through this dark, painful tunnel of despair and are now survivors. They’ve made it! Most of them will say, “I’ve found a Savior. My God delivered me from the pain that was part of my life all of my childhood. I no longer feel the chains of shame. I no longer struggle with the daily fear. I no longer am filled with hatred and rage. I am free.”
But, for many, I hear the heart wrenching words, “I want to die. I am physically impaired because of the abuse. I feel unloveable. I feel ashamed. And, I don’t know how I can go on. Nobody could every love somebody like me!”
It is because of these precious ones that I am veering from my normal blogging, and feel an inner stirring to send a message to you today. And, that message is this: “Every human soul is precious!” I’ll say it again, “Every human soul is precious!”
It is a known fact that countless children of abuse suffer with ongoing depression, and often that depression spirals out of control into a traumatic depression that leaves the child suicidal. Thoughts of ending life are appealing because they cannot find a way out. Feeling alone and lonely are two of the most difficult emotions to deal with on a daily basis. Add to that the feeling of unworthiness to be loved, and there is an inner emotional turmoil and tug-of-war that clouds a child’s thinking.
Several weeks ago, I came across one of the most heart-to-heart videos and articles on suicide and depression that I’ve ever seen, and I want to share that with you. As I said, I feel as though God is nudging me to share this video. Maybe, just maybe, a life will be spared because of it.
Seth Adam Smith, writer and blogger, tried to end his life — not because of child abuse, but because he felt alone. He felt desperate. He felt the world could go on without him and nobody would ever notice. Thankfully, people are now seeing beyond the stigma attached with depression and are finally opening up and talking.
It is my most sincere prayer today that if you are contemplating suicide you will seek help. tel:1-800-273-8255 “You are worthy. You are beautiful. You are loved.”
If you were abused as a child there is NOTHING you did to deserve this! There is no need to feel shame! There is no need to allow this abuse to take more life from you! It is time to heal!
Please watch this video. Allow it to help you. Listen to words. Play it over and over again until it sinks in. You are valuable. You are loved! You are precious! You are believed! There is help! *Note: Since posting this, the video has been listed as “private”, and I apologize for that. Hopefully, it will be made public again. The resources under the video are fantastic, and the thoughts in the article are so very helpful, too.
This message is brief today, but it comes with powerful prayers that God will direct this to those who need to hear these words today. Please don’t feel alone any more. It’s time to break the chains of bondage that abuse has held over you for so long!
It’s time to be free of depression and suicidal thoughts. It’s time for healing to take place! It’s time for you to know how valuable and precious you are!
Thank you so much for the many thousands of you who are sharing this blog in an effort to grow a stronger voice for our children.
“No child should ever have to live with the fear, trauma, and shame of child abuse.”
Thank you for using your eyes and ears to look for signs of sexual abuse in children. Thank you for reporting suspected abuse to the authorities. Thank you for being a trusted adult who cares! Thank you for partnering with me in this child advocacy effort.
Love,
Clara
PS Next time we will resume with our regular blogging format. We will be talking about why and how the actions of pedophilia escalate and become more open. I think you’ll be surprised at what you learn!
If you are in need of a speaker for your group about how to prevent child abuse, please email me at clarahintonspeaker@gmail.com .
What happens when you don’t have loving people standing beside you like the man in this video? What then? I am truly all alone.
Dear Anonymous, I, too, have laid in bed awake at nights thinking, crying, thinking some more, praying, and asking God the same question you just asked. What if you don’t have a single person willing to “share the bench” with you like the man in this video? I never thought it was possible to be truly alone, but I’ve come in contact with people who really and truly are. That’s when others will say, “You’re never alone. God is with you all of the time.” I believe that, but……I also believe that it helps tremendously when we are at this point in our lives to have a physical person come up alongside of us and sit with us, listen to us, and validate our worth. Simply put, we need to know that we have a place of worth in this world. I can only pray to our Father in heaven that someone will come into your life to stand by you. Pray. Pray. Pray. And, look for that person. I do believe in angels!!!! My love to you. I have just prayed for you, and I will continue to pray for you asking God to send you a person in your life to help you.
Dear Anon, Clara is right. Find ways not to be alone. On Thanksgiving I went to the Cracker Barrel for Turkey dinner. There was no one else at the table with me, but there was a restaurant full of people. When I got home I went through things to give to the MOPS program at church, played praise songs on the piano and watched old westerns on tv. I love John Wayne!!
Find yourself a church. Get involved in volunteering at a hospital or soup kitchen. Find anyway you can to be around people. I work, so I am busy through the week. Holidays and weekends can be hard for me. I know that I deserve time off, but I would almost rather work than take my vacation time so I am not at home alone. If I were able, I would drive over and sit with you for as long as you needed. Like Clara said, grab your Bible, pray and keep right on reading until you feel His peace. ((((HUGS and Prayers)))) coming your way.
By the way, on Christmas I go to a local Chinese restaurant. They don’t celebrate Christmas and are more than happy to have people come in.
No matter about the video, Clara. Everything you wrote shouts a big “AMEN”.
The video is now available, and it’s truly incredible! I hope many, many with view this!
I did watch the video this morning. I could not stop crying. It penetrated my heart. I talked myself out of going to the church Thanksgiving Dinner last night. There would be too many people and with everyone talking I cannot hear what anyone is saying. I feel like I am on the outside looking in. Last month at our Ladies Missions group, my table was conversing about hysterectomies and menopause of all things. When I tried to add to the conversation someone else would being talking. It is as if I am invisible there. The missionary who spoke this time talked about being depressed as a young missionary, having seen all of the children that were dying and she couldn’t stop it. They were desperately in need of medical supplies and really didn’t know at first what was killing all of the babies and trying to spread God’s love while they had their own tribal fears and myths. Now if you listen to the pastor he will tell you that if you are truly a Christian there is no way that you will ever be depressed. I agree with the missionary. It is possible, but having that realization that people need you and you are making a difference is important.
I don’t have family in the area. I have one friend who keeps herself very busy with any and every volunteer project she can find, which I wish I could do, but must work to keep the roof over my head. I thought about dying recently, but wanting it to come from God more than taking my own life. My daughters both say they want Mommy around for a long time, but they are both very busy and don’t here from the often. I will be spending Thanksgiving and possibly Christmas alone. I don’t believe I am depressed as these young people are, but I do get sad. This morning I read a good portion of the book of Matthew, which filled my heart. Keeping my Bible handy keeps me from despair. I think I will keep this video handy.
My dear Brenda R, I wish that we as people didn’t “get so busy” that we forget how to stop, breathe, and take the time to let others know how much they mean to us. I recently had a friend take her life, and I have done a lot of looking inside of me since that. I do believe I was a friend to her — a good friend. I listened to her. But, I didn’t really take her seriously when she said things like, “I’m so lonely I could die. My kids don’t have time for me and I feel so alone. I mean nothing to anyone. The world could easily go on without me.” I just blew it off as her feeling “blue” because she moved away to another state. On the day that she took her life, I had the phone in my hand and I was ready to call her when someone came running into my office to tell me what had happened. I pray to God that I will never take it lightly again when a person says, “I’m so lonely I could die.” There is no way you should be spending holidays alone — unless it is by your choice. Please, I urge you, to find others who will be alone and get together if only for a hamburger and a milkshake or cup of coffee. It helps to be around others! And, Christians can most certainly get depressed. Depression is NOT a sign of a lack of faith, as some have told us. There are many, many reasons for depression!!!
When you get the feeling like you want to take your life, grab hold of your Bible and read and pray. Ask God to send someone to you who will be by your side. And, if at all possible, get out among people — even if it’s at a distance. Sometimes it helps just to hear the normal noise of life around us — people talking, birds chirping, the sound of the wind. And, then remind yourself of what your daughters have said. Your daughters love you and want you to be part of their lives. PS Whenever I get into a deeply sad mood, it helps me to get outside for a while — no matter what the weather — and just soak up the sights and sounds of nature. There is just something fortifying and so promising and hopeful when out among nature! My love to you. You are a dear person!!!! And, you have found a special place of meaning right here on this blog!!!
Clara,
I am so sorry to hear about your friend. I’ve always been told that is not the ones who talk about dying that you need to be worried about it is the ones who bottle it inside who take there own lives. Not, so. A few years ago a male cousin-in-law who seemed to always be happy and confident took out a gun, put it to his head and pulled the trigger. His brother and father went the same way. They were depressed, but no one knew.
My youngest daughter tried to take her own life with pills in high school. It was an awakening. I had no idea how depressed she was. I still worry about her even though she says she is fine. That was 10 years ago.
I have been praying about make new friends. A man who I thought was going to be a good friend has shown his true colors in the past few weeks. He presented himself as a Christian. He goes to church every Sunday, plays the guitar with the worship team and buys Bibles to distribute to those who do not have one. He lives in my building. To my dismay he showed up at my door this past week, drunk, fretting because someone had parked in my handicapped parking space and they were now gone and would look out while I moved my car to my space. When I came back in he announced that if they did it again he would kill them and he was a marine. I headed for my door. He grabbed ahold and was hugging me and telling me how much he loved me–nonsense. He doesn’t know me that well. My knight in shining armor came in the form of a drunk.
The following day I left him a note saying that perhaps he should not drink and wanted to know that he was alright. I did not see him again until Sunday. He was leaving as I was coming in. He practically ran me over and angrily made a comment that I did not understand–probably a good thing. The enabling, you can fix anyone part of me came out. I actually left him a note saying that I apologized if I hurt his feelings by the note I left him previously. Quite frankly, I think he could possibly be suicidal, PTSD, whatever. But he is God’s to fix, not me.
Suicide is not the answer. I know it is hard for you to live with your friend going this way, but you couldn’t have done anything to change it. Once a person has that option in their minds only God can change it. ((((HUGS)))))
Brenda R, Thank you so much for your response that is so beautifully written. Two things stand out so much that you said: “Once a person has that option (of suicide) in their minds, only God can change it” and “the enabling part of me came out…..but he is God’s to fix, not me.” Brilliant! Again, thank you so very much for your input!
I want to add something to whatBrenda said. I know someone who ate a gun. He had beginning Alzheimer’s. It turns out that Alzheimer’s can induce abnormally deep depressions. The spouse needs to control the keys to the gun case if they choose to have guns in the home.
Chief Master Sergeant Shelina Frey came to speak to my class today. She is part of a training video for survivors of sexual assault who now thrive. Couldn’t find it but she said she’d send it out in the next few days. She has a youtube channel & I’ll be watching for this video & pass it on.
I checked the video again, and it is still reading “private.” This just happened in the hour since it was posted, and I apologize for that. Hopefully, it will be made public again. In the meantime, the article that goes with it is excellent. Please, remind yourself often that you are a person of great value and nothing — absolutely nothing — can change that! Love, Clara
When I clicked on the video, it is listed as private.
Hmmm….not sure why. I’ll check it out again.