This blog is used to educate others on how to profile a pedophile. This blog is used to help others understand how cunning pedophiles are. This blog is used to teach prevention of child sexual abuse.
This blog is written by me — a woman who prayed very sincere prayers asking God to lead me to a Christian husband.
I am here to tell you that God did not answer my prayers — not as I asked. Instead of leading me to a godly man of faith and strength, I was led to a man who posed as a Christian.
The man I married, unknown to me, was a practicing pedophile from the age of 14, and he, by his own admission and evidence presented in a court of law, molested children until the time of his arrest at the age of 62. We were married almost 40 years. Tomorrow, April 18, would have been my 45th wedding anniversary. John and I had often talked about how life would be when the kids were grown. We were going to build a smaller home at the top of our field overlooking the homestead. We would spend our winters away at the beach, and the rest of the time we’d spend traveling visiting grandchildren and enjoying the many wonders of the world.
We spent many, many hours together talking about what life would be like during this season of our lives.
Life doesn’t always turn out as planned, though. Sadly, our marriage crumbled, we separated and finally divorced after almost forty years together.
And, then the unthinkable happened!
As John wrote to me in a letter from prison, “I never wanted my darker side to be exposed to you.” He was referencing his secret life as a child molester.
I’m here to tell you on the eve of what would have been my 45th wedding anniversary that even though my prayers were not answered as I wanted them to be, I still honor God. I’ve had my fair share of screaming at God and asking him “why”, but at the end of the day I know that this is the life I have and it’s up to me to make the most of it.
Last week, a child sex abuse workshop was held and it was powerful. I was honored to be a very small part of that workshop that my son Jimmy and some of his co-workers planned. It was powerful. People were educated about how pedophiles are able to work their way into our lives. We heard from law enforcement. We heard from teachers of God’s word. We heard from Jimmy, the son of a pedophile. We heard from the father of children who were molested by John. We heard from those who work within our prison system with sex offenders.
And, we heard just a small part of my story.
Parents are being educated! Children who have been sexually abused are being empowered! We’re teaching others how to prevent child sexual abuse from happening! We’re learning how to keep our children safe!
This is happening because God chose me to marry a pedophile.
No, my prayers for a wonderful, loving Christian husband did not get answered. My children do not have the father I prayed they would have. And, there are moments — many moments — when my heart feels broken over this.
But, because of my marriage 45 years ago tomorrow, many children are being kept safe tonight when they lay their heads down to sleep.
And, I can finally say, “Thank you, God” with sincerity and without clenched fists.
If you are suffering from abuse right now — whether it is from mental abuse, child sexual abuse, or the aftermath of physical, mental, or sexual abuse, I would ask you to read this blog from the beginning. Allow the words to penetrate your heart.
Allow yourself to become empowered one word at a time!
You are a gift. Your life is precious and has meaning and value. Whatever pain and hell you are suffering through right now will not last forever. Please, I ask you, to hold onto hope!
Next week, we will pick up with our regular format, and I will continue telling my story.
For today, I thank all who have sent me words of encouragement on what would have been my 45th wedding anniversary. I’m here to tell you, “It’s okay. It really is okay. I’m okay. In fact, I’m more than okay. I’m finally beginning to see purpose in my life again, and you will, too!”
Love,
Clara
PS If you sent me an email requesting a DVD of the last week’s workshop, you will be notified soon. Work is being done on editing. If you want to contact me, you can email me at: clarahintonspeaker@gmail.com
You have described how he was a fun dad and s fun this and that to everyone else. This is the first post in which you have described something positive and normal sounding about John and your marriage. Visiting the grandkids when you are old is a normal discussion.
Robert, There was a lot of “normal” talking with John, and there will be one entire section of the blog that will deal with all of the normal stuff of life that we experienced together. The first, most critical information to get out, though, were the red flags that I didn’t recognize. What is going to really mess with our thinking is when I combine the red flags with the normal. That’s why it’s so confusing to profile a pedophile. There is a lot of “normal” behavior, normal talk in their lives. But, they do leave clues and I wasn’t educated enough to pick up on those clues of the “abnormal” — the signs that he was molesting children. Pedophiles are very complex and very intelligent. Thank you for your input.
Scary truth: “Pedophiles are very complex and very intelligent.”
Linda, I cannot emphasize that enough. Most of us have a preconceived idea of what a pedophile looks like and what a pedophile acts like. Until we understand how highly intelligent and highly skilled they are at manipulation and abuse, we won’t be able to successfully profile a pedophile. They know exactly what they are doing and are very precise in their thoughts and carefully thought out actions!
This is a powerful thought. (the normal behaviours of a Pedophile) A research group I’m a part of was just discussing this phenomena. If Pedophiles showed their “dark side” all the time, they’d never have success in abusing victims.
Linda, Exactly the truth! Pedophiles are brilliant at concealing their dark side. Absolutely brilliant! They are masterful liars, cunning in their ways, have well-thought out plans, and are persistent at going after what they want! We need to have our guard up at all times!!!!
Clara,
It is so good to see you with such a wonderful smile. I am so glad that this program is showing success and God’s glory through it.
You said: You are a gift. Your life is precious and has meaning and value. Whatever pain and hell you are suffering through right now will not last forever. Please, I ask you, to hold onto hope! This statement is for you, as well. You have been such a blessing for me. God does use our lives for good even though we might never see it, but need to be willing to be used. God uses us to plant seeds and he does the gardening from there.
Much love and prayers going out this day. I no longer count anniversaries as anniversaries, I consider them a day of freedom.
Brenda R, Thanks so much for your comments. As always, your words are full of wisdom and insight. I love the idea of not counting anniversaries, but “a day of freedom” instead! Keep on with the beautiful work you’re doing! Differences in lives are being made! 🙂
“I no longer count anniversaries as anniversaries, I consider them a day of freedom.”
I love this Brenda! I was wondering the other day how I will feel after the divorce; I’m adopting your outlook!
WOWZA!! I clicked on your link to his conviction article. And have to agree with him, the tentacles of that thinking definitely wrapped itself around…and also agree with the sentencing Judge: he had plenty of years to get counselling.
The workshop was powerful. Most heartbreaking was the dad describing how the molester of his children bought hundreds of dollars’ worth of seducing gifts with money provided by him….Treacherous!! Pure evil.
Linda, You’ve described his actions perfectly — treacherous and pure evil. And, I think part of my being at peace right now is knowing he is behind bars for the remainder of his life. He can no longer commit these actions of pure evil against young children.
i remember being there that day so long ago. I know it was Vicki and I, maybe Sandy and/or Dinah? You have 11 wonderful children and many terrific grandchildren from that day. That is what I believe is the blessing from your marriage that God gave you.
Ginny, Somewhere I have my guest book from the wedding, and when I get a bit more empowered I’ll pull that out. But, in thinking back 45 years ago, I think Sandy was with you girls at the wedding. You have no idea how much it means to me that we’ve remained friends all of these years!!!! And, you’re so right about God blessing me with eleven wonderful children and all of these grandchildren to love. I remind myself of this every day. God, in His wisdom, knew what He was doing. Hugs to you!
Hugs Clara
Wanda, Thank you so much!