Category Archives: healing place

Father’s Day — A Really Difficult Day

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Father’s Day is a really difficult day for me. It has been 20 years since I’ve seen my dad…..not by my choice, but by his. And, to make matters worse, I don’t understand “why” he has chosen to deny me this relationship between father and daughter. We were never real close during my childhood, but I always knew he was there. He wasn’t much of a talker or communicator, but he showed his love in little ways that let me know he cared. He sent cards on Easter, and Christmas, and he would talk when I called. Other than that, there wasn’t that warm and fuzzy relationship that I longed for between the two of us. But, that’s okay. I still had a father.

Twenty years ago, that changed, though. The last visit I had with my father was a wonderful one. He lives on a large farm by himself, and I brought my family to visit him. He showed us the dairy cattle, the fields of corn, and took us on a wonderful hayride. It was in September, and I can still smell the great fall air, and see the fields in the distance looking ready for harvest.

Following that trip, my dad put off phone calls….he said he was “too busy” to talk. He was always too busy doing farm work. My kids (his grandchildren) would call, but he was again too busy to talk. On four different occasions we made plans to go visit him — an almost five hour drive away — only to have him call very early in the morning to cancel the visit because he was “too busy” again.

The years passed, and now there has been no communication for several years. When holidays roll around, especially Father’s Day, the pain hits again and reminds me that my grief is still very alive and very much present in my life. How I’d love to hear the wise words of a father, to see the caring eyes of a father, and to know the feeling of safety and security of being loved unconditionally by a father. It looks like that is never going to happen, though. Not with my earthly father.

How can I find a healing place? A place that feels good and right and that “fits” when the word father is mentioned? Actually, I’ve found it in my heavenly Father. He is the only Father I know, and when I think about it, He is the only Father I really and truly need.

Today as I sat in church, I heard person after person say, “Thank you, Dad. You’ve inspired me. You’ve always been there. You’ve taught me unconditional love. You never missed one of my soccer games. You taught me how to face tragedy.”

I sat quietly on my seat in church, and said the same words. ‘Thank you, Father. You’ve listened to me when I’ve needed a listening ear. You’ve been with me through my worst days, as well as my best. You’ve love me unconditionally, and you still do. You taught me about grace and forgiveness. You are always near. And, you are never, ever too busy!”

I’ve found my Healing Place in Him. Thank you, Father God.

Finding a Quiet Place Among the Clutter of Life

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Today I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. I’d had a bad dream and didn’t feel like getting up. I just wanted to pull the covers back over my head and go into hiding. But, when you have a job, you can’t do that. So…….reluctantly I got up and looked around me and saw nothing but “clutter” from unfinished business. Dishes to clear away. Clothes to wash. A dirty kitchen floor. Bills laying in a pile unopened. Garbage that needed to be emptied. You get the picture.

I tried to collect my thoughts, but there was only more clutter…….my emotional clutter from days and weeks before. Unfinished sentences. Phone calls that were never made. Decisions that were left on the back burner. And, I began to panic. I needed a place to replensih myself….I needed to find a healing place for today.

As I got ready for work, I took several deep breaths to try to calm myself, and then I looked outside to see the raindrops falling. Why, I couldn’t even take a nice walk and enjoy it……..OR, could I? The more I thought, the more I realized that clutter and problems and rain will always be part of our lives, so I have a decision to make each and every day. I can either try to live joyfully in spite of the clutter, or I can call it quits and add to my already cluttered life.

I decided to take a walk in the rain with my camera and soak up all of the beauty that nature had to offer. You know what? It worked!!!! I looked at the beauty of unfolding buds, listened to the birds chirping in the rain, and felt the gentle drops touching against my face, and life didn’t seem so cluttered afterall. In fact, there was order and beauty and promise to be found in nature. There was hope! And, by stretching outside of my cave of clutter, I managed to stumble right into “my healing place” of quietness and beauty for today!

Take a break today. Do something different. Find something that is away from the everyday clutter of your life, and look for your miracle…..your place of healing. It’s there waiting to be discovered!!!!!

When It Rains, It Pours

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Life can often throw things at us in fast succession! Sick kids, a broken washing machine, the toilet gets stopped up, a flat tire on the car, and a phone call complaining about the dog’s barking all in one day! Times like those make us feel like sitting in a heap on the floor and hiding until the clouds disappear and the sun is shining again. Unfortunately, we don’t have that option.

Instead, we take the kids to the doctor, we call the repairman for the washing machine, we call the plumber to unclog the toilet, we fix the tire (or call for help), and we bake the neighbor a pie and apologzie for the noise and promise we’ll keep our dog quiet. By then, we’re STILL ready to fall on the floor in a heap from physical and mental exhaustion!!!

How do we find replenishment during times like that when the rain won’t stop and it just keeps on pouring? For me, I’ve had to learn the art of visualization. I find a secluded place (most often that’s in my bedroom), lock the door, play some very soft, calming music, and close my eyes allowing only peaceful scenes to run through my mind. I visualize a meadow of soft grass, a field of lovely flowers, or a secluded beach with only the ocean waves softly rolling onto shore and lovely palm trees swaying in the breeze. I call this my “take fifteen” where I allow only positive healing thoughts, sights, and sounds to enter my mind. By the end of the fifteen minutes, I’m far more composed, feel more in control, and have the energy to tackle the problems that are waiting for me.

A good reminder is this: nothing lasts forever — and this is especially true of the rain. Sooner than we think the sun will be shining again!

I hope you can find your “healing place” and visit that place often. Share with others, too, so that we can all learn and grow from each other!!!

Memorial Day — How should we remember?

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Memorial Day is a day set aside for remembering those who have gone on before us and have fought in a battle or served time in the armed services in order to help preserve the freedoms that we enjoy in the United States. In this country we have many parades, special services, and speeches from Miliary Personnel who help us to remember the foundations of our freedoms.

All of this is good, and is honorable and it is wonderful to have a special day such as this set aside to prompt us to remember our core values and to be thankful for the blessings that we have. But, how do we remember the individual who has gone on? Often, we idealize our loved one to the point of perfection, and this is many times a key factor in triggering extreme guilt for not “being there”, for not “doing more”, and for not “being a better parent, sibling, child, or friend.”

It is good and even necessary to remember those who have gone on before, but I would caution us to remember our loved ones realistically. What do I mean by that? We should remember our loved ones as they were — human and prone to mistakes just as we are. When we block out the “real part” of our memories, we only remember perfection and that is often hard to deal with.

Let me get a bit personal……my grandfather served in the military for a period of four years, and I love him dearly for that! He told many “war time stories”, and he was a courageous man who helped to preserve the freedoms of this nation. He was also a worker in a sawmill, and he was the “keeper of the gate” for a draw bridge. Add to that, he was an alcoholic who went on week-end “benders” every time he got a pay check. He never learned how to write his name, and he didn’t really care. He always signed with an “X” . There are funny stories to remember, as well as some that were sad. But, ALL of those remembrances help to remember my grandfather as the man he truly was!!!

Let us remember those who have gone on before on this special day……….may we remember truthfully, realistically, and honestly. And, as we do, we will be taking one more step forward in finding that “healing place” for our souls!

It’s the weekend…..now what?

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I used to love the weekends, until…….until grief entered my life. Then, the weekends became a time of drudgery, and a time of more sadness and sorrow…….a time when the hours just seemed to linger on and on and time seemed to stand still. At least during the week I was kept busy!

That is the cry of many people who find themselves in need of “a healing place”….. a place that is a reprieve from pain and sadness and reminders of what has been lost. We generally associate the weekends with “time off”, “family time”, “sleeping in”, “taking mini one-day vacations”, or just “hanging out around the house killing time.” For the griever, none of these things are appealing, nor do they help!

What does help? What can I do on the weekend that will help me to heal and not hurt? First of all, have a plan. Not having a plan is planning to fail. Be sure to have something in mind: taking a walk, watching a movie, taking a drive in the car……..it’s always good to “do something” no matter how little that something is.

Secondly, be sure to surround yourself with lots of positives……positive photos, positive readings, postive music……things that will give you a healing message. The more we think about pain, the more the pain will intensify. And, on a better note, the more we think about positive things, the more positive we will feel. We can have a choice in this matter, and for the grieving person, this bit of “control” is significantly important!

Thirdly, remember that “this, too, shall pass.” The weekends will always be here, but the loneliness from loss won’t last forever. There will come a day when you will not feel so alone or so empty. If you have to, write that thought down on paper, and put that reminder in key places throughout the house where you can see it, read it, and hold that thought deep within your subconscious mind.

Finding a healing place is a task that every grieving person faces, and that place will be different for everyone. Do what is best for “you” and by doing so, your grief will not overtake you. By having a weekend plan, you also have a weekend place of healing!

What am I doing this weekend? What else……working in my flower beds. That is my weekend plan for a healing place!