Just for today I’m going to skip over a lot of years and take you to that moment in the courtroom when I heard my ex-husband stand before the Judge and plead his case for mercy on HIS behalf. Rather than fall down on his knees and sob and cry and beg forgiveness for all of the harm he had inflicted on children over the past 45 years while he molested children, he stood before the Judge with calm composure and boldly stated why his sentence should be reduced. He elaborated why he could be “useful” in the community to help “teach about child molesters” by visiting churches and schools (which just so happen to be two of the biggest places pedophiles find children to molest).
His voice did not waver. He did not once express his sorrow for all of the wrong his had done and the lifetime of pain his actions caused to many. Instead, he fought for HIS freedom, HIS lesser sentence.
Never will I forget that moment in court. I had to go to hear it with my own ears. I had to see him standing there. I had to hear the words come out of his mouth that he had spent weeks preparing.
I had not prepared myself for the lack of emotion he had for the children he molested. I was in no way prepared to see him stand tall and speak eloquently on HIS behalf. That is the moment my broken heart shattered. His thoughts were about himself — not for the children who had been fondled, touched, groped, raped, manipulated, used, and made to feel afraid, ashamed, and so confused by his actions.
I recorded every bit in my journal that night, but I have not had the courage or strength to revisit that particular day’s thoughts in my journal yet. It’s far too soon.
Many of you continue to ask me, “What can I do? What can I do to prevent child abuse? What can I do to keep our neighborhood, our church, our playgrounds and parks safe?”
The first thing we can do is continue to get educated on the topic of child molestation — most especially continue to read everything you can about how the calculating actions of child molesters work!
Secondly, continue to share this blog. I am pulling open my heart and spilling out things that are hard — really hard — for me to share. But, I’m doing it so that I can go to bed every night knowing that I’ve done something to help keep little children safe! Education is empowerment. Education brings about change. Education is the building block on which we will stand and reach out to our children!
Thirdly, I ask you to look for local resources that are cropping up to help in this war against child abuse. And, believe me, this is a WAR!
Lastly, let’s play out this courtroom scene a little bit differently. Let’s change the scene to see how different things could have been.
I wonder how the scene would have changed that day if John had been face-to-face with some of the little children he molested as they pointed out, “It’s him! It’s him! He’s the one that did those terrible things to me!”
I wonder how those children’s lives would have changed if there had been a group available for them such is cropping up right now in the United States known as BACA — Bikers Against Child Abuse. I wonder how big and powerful and mighty pedophiles would feel if they knew that every child they tried to abuse was covered by the love and protection of a family of BACAS! I just wonder the impact that is already being made in the lives of children by these men who have stepped up to the plate and are being more than a voice — they are being a presence — a PRESENCE in the lives of abused children giving them empowerment and a feeling of worth!
Bikers. Often misunderstood when they wear their bandanas and rev up the engines of their big, powerful bikes, but look at the good these BACA bikers are doing! I just wonder how the well-dressed, articulate pedophile who hides under the mask of preacher, priest, teacher, coach, attorney, rich businessman would feel is he knew that standing by every child was a BACA member ready to step in and protect the children!
Following is a 14 minute video, and it’s worth every second of viewing time! Watch it, please! Check your area to see if you have a BACA chapter near you. If you do, call them and ask how you can get involved. If you are a biker, this is your opportunity to do something that will literally save children’s lives.
Bikers Against Child Abuse want to be the plague to end all child abuse!
Please use this as a resource for your local community! BACA Bikers — I love you! We love you! The children love you! Thank you for taking action and empowering our children!
Love,
Clara
PS The next post will revert back to chronological order of following my life while married for almost forty years to a practicing pedophile. My heart felt compelled to share this BACA information with you today, though. Let’s keep up the great work and share, share, share these resources!!!!
Thank you Jimmy Hinton for this valuable information!
I just found out in the past few weeks that my husband of 45 years had sex with my 13 yr old sister. He also fondled another sisters breasts 11, and tried to unhook her bra. She pretended to be asleep. She would not turn over to her back. After calling her his comment to me was, Since when do 11 year olds have breasts. Making it as tho she were lying.
I already knew about him raping my 17 yr old sister. I told him that he needed to apologise to them. He did call one of them and said he shouldn’t have done it. Afterwards he said to me. why do you think I was tempted. As if its my fault. I am in a state of terrible grief and don’t know where to turn. I am in counseling, but I need to make my own decisions. My 3 children know about this because I have 7 grandaughters and they needed to know about this. I will not let anything happen to them. My children are very upset with me at this point and say that their dad is very sincere in talking to them. They are putting the blame on me for our marital problems. what can I do or say to help them to understand and to protect their daughters.
This is definitely a mess and I can see from your comment the control this man has over the children. It amazes me how they remain in control for so many years making “us” look like the bad person. But, they know exactly how to prey on the minds of children. Remain strong — always. I went through a couple of years where the majority of my children did not talk to me. And, some of the ones who did talk to me were downright mean in what they said. They thought I was horrible for hurting their dad. I kept silent (this is when we separated — I had no idea he had been molesting children, but I sure knew something was wrong and at that point I couldn’t even stand looking at him).
In the end, the whole truth comes out and is understood. Do NOT allow your grandaughters to be alone with this man — ever! Their dad might come off as very “sincere” — but he sincerely needs supervision when around young girls!!! And, that will always be true of his life!
Dear Clara, thank you for another entry to your blog. Just want to say it’s so helpful to read and to be continually reminded. This is so important, because the charisma of the man I know is so strong that I start to wonder from time to time if maybe ‘it wasn’t that bad’ etc. Frightening, really frightening to read of the complete lack of shame. I do have a question, though you may not be able to answer. I am aware that the man I know had a difficult childhood/teens separated from his parents and the thought struck me that he may also have been abused in some way.(I know that there was abuse at one of the boarding schools at the hands of the caretaker there who had access to the whole building including the dorms, but as far as we know it was ‘only’ girls who were abused…) My question is, is this a typical thing that abused may become abusers? I struggle with wondering if this person needs help first before he can understand his actions?? Do you get where I’m going? It’s all really confusing. Otherwise he FULLY matches the way your husband acted!
I know 1st hand how awesome BACA is. They surrounded my home, block, all entrances and exits while I had to appear in court against my child’s abuser, my husband. They were a God send to my sanity. My child was too young to testify or remember, thank God. BACA will never know how much they mean to me and my family. Every holiday and birthday they call. Even though my children have no idea why they have biker brothers and sisters they love them. And even though my husband is dead now, if I need them they are there! I will forever be grateful to BACA.
I am SO happy to hear this! Never did I know such an organization/support existed until just a few days ago! It is awesome to know that such help is available!!! Thank you so very much for sharing your experience with BACA! I think the part that is so extremely heartwarming to me is the fact that they stay in touch. So many times we’re given a one-time bit of help, and it sounds like BACA is there for the long haul!
I hope that through reading this blog, others will seek out help and support from BACA!
When I was with Victim Services we had some really good advocates that helped them in the court room. They also spent time with each child and spent time talking etc. and reassuring them that they had done nothing wrong. I had several that really opened up and shared real feelings. We walked through a park and drew pictures and read some children’s literature together. I feel like I had really made a difference in their lives. One has grown up and is my friend on FB. Victim services used to go to schools and groups and do puppet shows about good touch, bad touch. Since I’m not with them anymore, I’m not sure if they still do that. It was very effective! They would be a group to check into for ideas.
Laura, Thank you so much for being an advocate your children and for sharing another resource! I know we have Victim Services locally, but I don’t know how closely involved that agency gets with the children in our community, but I certainly will check!!!
I’m always looking for new resources to share with others. Again, thank you for making a difference in the lives of children!
I’m going to try not to be a crazy blog stalker and comment on every single post, but I have to comment on this one too. That’s the EXACT same thing the molester I know did. Except his wife was not there to hear it and to this day is not aware of all the things he has done because he told her not to read the news accounts and witness statements. He is her only source of information which is how they both want it. He downplayed his crimes and interrupted the reading of the charges to nitpick irrelevant details. He, to this day, has never ONCE showed an ounce of remorse or concern for the children he molested. He didn’t even make eye contact with them in court. It made me sick.
So many similarities between the two. It’s uncanny.
I am sharing your blog far and wide. Please keep writing! So many in my circle of friends who have been impacted by this man do not understand him and to read an account of someone so eerily similar I think will be helpful and healing. Again, thank you!
You’re by no means a blog stalker! And, I always appreciate comments — the comments let me know people are really involved with the blog!
One thing that is almost always uniquely universal with pedophiles is this: They do NOT show remorse for what they’ve done. In fact, it’s just the opposite. They try to pin the blame on the children and they downplay what was done saying, “It really wasn’t all that bad.”
It’s such a shame that this man’s wife was not there to hear what he had done. Seeing them in the courtroom is definitely an eye opener. I honestly thought John would look afraid, ashamed, embarrassed, and heartbroken. Instead, he was quite the opposite. He was concerned about one person — himself. This is very tpical of all pedophiles.
Thank you so much for reading and sharing this blog. Every time someone reads it, we become a bit more empowered and the molester becomes weaker. Togehter, we’re making a difference!!!
Well, as long as you promise not to think I’m a blog stalker, either…. I’m still here and following! Thank you, as always, for sharing your story, Clara!!
Nope, I don’t think you’re a blog stalker! My prayer is for thousands of people to come to this blog for help every day and that prayer is being answered! 🙂