Thank you for visiting this blog once again! We are doing it — we really, really are making a difference in the lives of children. How do I know? Because every day I receive emails telling me so! And, sadly, I’m finding out that my story of being married to a practicing pedophile for almost forty years (and not knowing it) isn’t all that unique. Each and every day I’m getting messages and emails saying, “If I didn’t know better I’d think that was a story from my own life!” That makes me sad, but it also makes me know that sharing my life story with you is the right thing to do. You are becoming empowered and enlightened just a bit more every day. And, that means children are becoming a bit safer every day!
If you’re new to this blog, I suggest you begin reading here. Seeing how a pedophile’s mind works is critical to understanding how a pedophile can molest children while continuing to charm all those around. Pedophiles are loved and trusted and they come off as genuinely caring people. They count on us believing them and never questioning them, and it’s time we wise up and begin asking the hard questions. For the safety of our children, we must ask questions — always!!!
Let’s pick up the story by talking about a typical day in the Hinton household. To all people we looked like a normal, nice, loving family. And, we were — except for the odd behavior that was annoying, inexplainable, and hurtful at times. By now we had four children, and John was great with the kids. He loved to spend time with them doing arts and crafts, hiking, finding salamanders, and anything that had to do with nature. He loved the outdoors and would always have a fun Saturday planned for the kids.
At this time in our lives, it became necessary for John to take on a second job. The money he made preaching wasn’t enough to cover things like health insurance and other expenses that go along with having kids. So, I suggested John take on a part-time job in a local store close to home. He balked at that idea, though, saying, “I’ll never work where I have to punch a time clock! Never!” So, he researched and came up with the idea of selling insurance. I argued with him about that saying that he’d be away too much, but he stood firm. Once he made a decision it stuck.
I often referred to John as “the quiet mule.” He never raised his voice, but once he made a decision that’s how it was. Nothing could make him change his mind. So, he studied hard and became an insurance salesman/preacher.
One of the saddest things we had to deal with as a family was John being away long, long hours — many times until midnight (which I never understood). Who is buying insurance at midnight? He always had a reason for getting home late, and I always believed him — no questions asked!
One day he announced that he took on a new sales territory and he would be working in Erie and that was too far to travel back and forth every day, so his schedule was changing. He now stayed away all week — Sunday night he’d leave, and he wouldn’t return until Friday night. The weeks were long and hard without him but he sure did make certain he made it up to the kids when he was home! He gave them his undivided attention!
Many nights after a day of hiking, biking, playing basketball, or whatever fun thing the kids wanted to do, he’d just say, “Let’s watch a movie.” It became a joke with us that we hated when he picked out movies, though. They were so weird! We called them the “Ooga booga tribal movies” — many of them had subtitles because they weren’t in English. And, they all had one theme — naked children running around in the wild.
“Strange. Strange. Strange.” I often mumbled to myself that he had the most bizarre taste in movies I’d ever seen. Why waste your time watching movies of kids and teens running around naked through the woods grunting noises to the beating of a drum? It made no sense! The kids and I would always end up going off to another room while he’d sit glued to the TV watching those odd movies. They weren’t documentaries, either. They were low-budget movies that had no plot — just a bunch of kids running around naked with adults in loin cloths and women with their breasts out. Very weird!
Red flag: It made no sense! That in and of itself is a red flag. What kind of movie was this that John was watching? Well, I now know it was a movie to stimulate his need for porn. Keep in mind that porn movies weren’t as readily available back then as they are now, and even if they were, he couldn’t have gotten away with viewing them at home in in the livingroom. So, he did the next best thing. He rented movies that he knew had naked children in them! And, he watched them in front of all of us which made it even more exciting for him, I’m sure. We had no clue what he was doing, but he sure did!
Now it all makes perfect sense! John was obsessed with seeing young children without clothes! His eyes couldn’t view children innocently — ever!
In one of my very early posts I mentioned that John told me he was very involved in porn at a young age. A cousin of his would spend the summers with him and the two of them would pour through porn magazines that they’d steal. He said the entire summer was nothing but gawking at porn, stealing cartons of cigarettes, and sneaking outside of the window at night when his parents were asleep going down by the river to their favorite hiding spot.
I often wonder if this is where John molested the first little girl? He told the police in a sworn statement that the first girl he molested was when he was only fourteen. He was walking on the side of a deserted road. I get sick thinking about it. My insides shake and I want to vomit. I literally want to vomit thinking of the pain and horror he’s caused so many children!
Since all of this has happened in our lives, I’ve been researching for answers as to what makes a pedophile. I’ve also been researching the effects of porn on the teenage mind, and have come up with some incredible information! Porn changes the young mind! It has a lasting effect! Once a child sees those horrific images they cannot be erased!
Below is a very short video that was part of an extremely informative article I read about the struggles people have trying to “undo” porn in their minds. Porn isn’t something funny. Porn isn’t something that “all men have to look at.” Porn isn’t something that is healthy. Porn isn’t something that is wholesome and good.
Porn poisons the mind! Porn degrades that which should be lovely and pure and sacred! Porn sickens people and it penetrates the mind and soul and causes terrible outcomes. Porn and sex molesters almost always go hand-in-hand!
Some of you are probably laughing and saying that’s really stupid to get all hyped up thinking John’s “ooga booga movies” were porn. To his mind, those movies were porn. He didn’t have the capacity to look at a child unclothed innocently. When he looks at children he sees them differently. His mind has been altered. I believe his mind was altered at a very young age. His young mind was poisoned by viewing porn.
I’m not at all suggesting that every person that views porn will turn into a pedophile and molest children. What I am saying is that almost every pedophile is also an active porn user.
I wish I could say that these were the only “odd” movies John watched during our married lives, but I can’t say that. Unfortunately a daughter of mine walked in on him several years later while he had hard-core, raw porn on the computer in the house. What did I do? Shamefully, nothing. When I confronted him, he lied as always. He said, “I’m researching for some sermons on porn. How can I talk about how sinful it is if I don’t know what’s out there?”
Sadly, I never questioned him again. I fell for his lies hook, line, and sinker. I was such a naive fool! I’ve asked myself a million times over how I fell for that lie!!!
Pay attention! If you hear of a person viewing porn in their home, you better keep your kids away! If you know that your mate is viewing porn, you can be assured that porn leads to other things such as adultery, unnatural sex acts, emotional and physical abuse, and yes, even child molestation!
Pay attention even closer! Check all home computers often for signs of porn! Check cameras. Check video cameras. Who does this stuff? The baker. The church song leader. The bible school teacher. The nurse. The doctor. Maybe even your husband!
Read this “Profile of a Pedophile” — become acquainted with it! You might feel out of line at first addressing an issue you see that is “odd”, but do it anyway! If it doesn’t seem right, then it probably isn’t! For the sake of the children, please speak out!
Something as simple as those “naked child movies” were wrong — they were fueling the mind of a craving pedophile! And, he was satisfying his cravings right while in the presence of his entire family! I shudder to think what movies he watched while in the privacy of hotel rooms while he was away all week long!
Porn and pedophiles go together! Let me repeat: Porn and pedophiles go together! Please, for the sake of our children, let’s speak up and keep our children safe!
Love,
Clara