The last post I wrote was powerful. It was also sad and heart wrenching. It brought me and thousands of others to tears as we read the words of a father speak out about how his children were abused by the man I called my husband for almost forty years. I haven’t slept a night through since this story was published. Why? Because I still find it so dehumanizing to think of what pedophiles do to children, and it is heartbreaking to me to know that this type of abuse goes on day after day while good, honest, caring parents are unable to recognize the abuse. We must get better educated! How are parents who are very involved in their children’s lives unable to recognize child sexual abuse in their own children? Why don’t children tell? Why can’t a parent recognize the behavior of an abused child? Why can’t others recognize signs of abuse in a child?
Please read these comments from the father of some of the many children John Hinton abused. Read his comments, then read them again and again until you grasp the way pedophiles work.
Note: I have not changed anything that Dave has written. These are his words spoken from his life and from his heart. May God bless this man for having the willingness and the courage to speak out on behalf of all children!
“Every Sunday as we went to church, the routine was the same. As soon as we walked through the church doors my children would ask, ‘Where’s John?’. If John was there, they would run to him. Yes, I said that right. They would RUN to him, and he would bend down and pick up one of the girls. Church members thought that was just so sweet. There were so many red flags at this point. If only I knew how these predators worked at that time!
John took advantage of our ignorance and our brokenness and used it to his advantage. You see, the biggest threat to those who want to do our children harm is education. We must learn how they work, manipulate and groom! That is why I support Church Protect and what they do. I didn’t know how child predators worked and my family paid a very dear price. You don’t have to go through what my family and I did. Protect yourself and your children. GET EDUCATED! This is why I tell my story. Child sex abuse is preventable!
There came a point where John told me that he lost his job as a babysitter. If it was true or not, I don’t know. He would begin to say things to me like, ‘I don’t have any food. I don’t know how I’m going to take the kids swimming. I don’t have any gas in the car.’ Now, being a single parent with 5 children I didn’t have a lot of money, but I gave money to him anyway. Why? Because my kids had fun with John and I didn’t want to disappoint them.
Not only did John abuse my children, but he was also mentally abusing me and I didn’t even know it! I even sold my Harley at this point. I didn’t get to ride it much, and we really needed the money. I gave John a pretty big amount of money from that sale, which in turn he would take my money and use it to buy gifts for my children to keep them quiet about the abuse. I can’t even begin to tell you how that makes me feel. John used me to help fund his perversion on my own children! Child predators are heartless, selfish individuals, and they don’t care who they have to hurt as long as they get the chance to abuse!
As my mentor, John had me right where he wanted me. When I would tell John that my kids weren’t allowed to go swimming or shopping because I had grounded them for some type of misbehavior, John would say, ‘Brother, I think you’re making a big mistake. Let me take them and you can have some quiet time. You’re very stressed and you’re making bad parenting decisions.’ Then he would tell me how he handled situations when his children misbehaved. He made me believe that I was being too hard on my kids, and I believed him! John had me second guessing my every decision I ever made — not just about parenting, but about everything in my life.
I could go on and on with story after story about John Hinton and his sick, twisted games he played with me and my family. Even after John’s arrest he blamed everybody else but himself. He wrote me letters from prison asking forgiveness, and also asking for pictures of my children all while asking for leniency. He wanted to get out of prison, come to my house, put my children on his lap and tell them it wasn’t their fault he abused them.
Luckily, at this time my children were in counseling and as you could expect, my kids weren’t leaving my sight. I was told it would be good if I would get some counseling, too. I was placed in the same room as my kids just at different ends of the room. I wouldn’t have it any other way! So, now I started learning how child predators work. As the counselor started talking, it was like she was reading my book. I felt so sick that the room started spinning. How could I have been so stupid?!?
Through counseling, I finally began to see through John Hinton’s manipulation and I could now see why he chose me and my children. Never will I ever allow John to see my kids or a picture of my kids!
I never wrote him in prison even though he wrote me quite frequently. I would get sick when I looked in the mail box and saw a letter from John. You see he was still abusing me mentally through letters. I had to call the prison and talk to the security officer. I told him who I was and that I wanted John Hinton to stop writing me! I understand now how these predators work, and I had to put a final stop to it. I stood up to John! And, it felt good! I’m not as bad a person as he said I was. The effects of abuse are long- lasting and life altering.
Our lives are forever changed.
Please get educated! Learn all that you can. Don’t let this happen to you or your family. Today you are a voice for those who have no voice. It’s time to break the silence of abuse! ”
Do you understand a bit more how these child predators work? Can you see the mind games they play? Do you see how they choose a parent who will give them their total trust AND finally give them their very own innocent child?
Child predators are very well educated about how to manipulate others. They understand vulnerability, and they know just who to prey upon.
I stand united with this father and will shout it from the rooftops! We must be ten steps ahead of the predator and the only way we can do this is by getting educated about how these molesters work!
Please visit Church Protect. This safe place has been created for you to help you keep your children safe. As this father said so beautifully, “Please get educated. Learn all you can. Don’t let this happen to you or your family. You are a voice for those who have no voice. It’s time to break the silent of abuse!”
Thank you, Dave, for your willingness to speak out. You have helped so many, I am sure! And, thank you to all who take this seriously and who continue to fight this battle.
Together we can be a unified, strong voice. With proper education we can stop this cycle of abuse on our precious children. The time to do it is now!
Love,
Clara Hinton
If you are interested in learning more, please email me at clarahintonspeaker@gmail.com or get in touch with Jimmy Hinton at Church Protect.
I’m very surprised that the children didn’t show any signs of fear or apprehension around John, and would even look for him at church, and seem glad to see him. I would like to know how a child molester manipulates his victims in such a way that they don’t show any negative signs. I understand from reading the other comments, that this is very difficult for victims and their parents to talk about, but I hope that one of them can speak so that others will know more how a molester works, and can better protect their children.
Thank you so much, Clara and Dave, for sharing your stories, and educating us.
Colleen, First of all, this is such a complex question to answer. I do believe that Dave is going to write another post addressing this. In the meantime, keep in mind that when we think of abuse, we often think of only pain. Sexual abuse is often different. Little girls and little boys have sexual feelings at a very young age, but the sexual part of them doesn’t come alive until they’re much older. However, when a predator abuses a child, it is not always rape at first. There may be fondling under the pants, using fingers (I’m being very, very explicit in this explanation), and often doing such things as stimulating himself to the point of orgasm in front of the young child. Full penetration often comes AFTER these things are done first in order to build up trust. Don’t get me wrong, there are countless cases where painful, horrific rape occurs repeatedly, night after night, day after day. And, the child learns to repress this — the mind has a way of pushing back the pain so that it goes way in the back of the mind and is not remembered sometimes until the child is in the 30’s, 40’s, or later. Look up dissociation and that will further explain repressed pain, also. And, in this case, these young children craved attention. Their mom was not with them, and their dad was suffering from a major depression, often falling into suicidal thoughts. Along came John who paid attention to them. He baked them cakes. He took them shopping. He took them swimming. He gave them new toys. He fed them well. He clothed them with pretty princess dresses. I’m not a psychologist with a degree, but I can see how easy it was for them to “forget” the bad, and remember the good. They were very young children with innocent minds. They knew what was happening shouldn’t be happening, but John also made them happy. How confusing for a young child!!!! How terribly horrific for a young mind to try to separate truth from lies, fear from joy. And, how confusing it must have been to trust this man who was also hurting them. This is only a small peek into how the mind of a predator works to abuse young children. I literally get sick to my stomach thinking about what children have had to go through, and when I think that this is going on right now — today — with many children, my heart breaks. We must work hard to stop this abuse!
Clara, thank you for your reply. It does help in understanding how a molester grooms his victims.
Thank you, again, for sharing these difficult stories with us.
Every situation is different, but in my case I felt not like a victim, but like a sinner. I felt that we had misbehaved badly, and no one had better find out. While I didn’t love my perpetrator who was a preteen boy a few years older than me, I certainly would have been attached to him if he had groomed me. I felt revulsion, but it was toward ME not toward him. I was the bad girl, and I sought refuge in hiding my secret and pretending everything was normal. I took many years for me to call the event sexual abuse. In my mind I was on the moral level of as whore. That was the worst part of the abuse, the shame. Many people wonder why the abused don’t tell. They have no conception of that kind of shame.
When I was sixteen, fully nine years after the abuse, I finally confided in an older girl. She helped me finally see that I was not responsible for it. I was not dirty.
It has taken me sinking deeply into God’s grace and love to see that I am not hopelessly stained. Finding my worth as a daughter of a King has done much to heal my past, but I still struggle with the results of that day.
I praise God that He never saw me as I saw myself, but as a priceless treasure.
I hope my story can help others understand why the abused react in ways we wouldn’t expect.
As a victim of abuse (just once because I refused to ever let the person see me again and demanded to go home within ten minutes of the abuse happening) I can tell you what my mom and dad recognized. I became severely attached to them. They couldn’t leave my sight unless we were inside our home. I had “stomach aches” almost every day at school but was fine after one of them came and got me (I went to school with the younger sister of the abuser and was spending the night at her house when it happened). I refused to wear the clothes or night gown I wore that night. I didn’t want my dad to say prayers or hug me goodnight anymore. All of these things gave my mom a gut feeling that something was wrong but it wasn’t until the sister I went to school with told the school counselor what was happening in her life and the counselor called every parent on the list of girls the little sister gave that I told her what happened. My mother had a tremendous amount of guilt because she went against her gut feeling and let me spend the night with a family she didn’t know. I had a tremendous amount of guilt because I begged her to let me go. Trust your instincts even if you feel they’re silly. I would rather be wrong and have my kids at home with me than take a risk. My ten year old son JUST started spending the night with one friend. And my daughters can have people over but I don’t know if I’ll ever send them off. My abuser didn’t groom me or my parents. I couldn’t tell you his name, but he used his baby sister who he was also abusing in their parent’s home. These people will do anything to get to who they want. The police found pictures, notes about girls, a list of targeted girls and all kinds of things. I was not included in the charges because I mentally couldn’t handle trial.
Dear Anonymous,
Your comments are a God-send — a true gift to parents! Thank you SO MUCH for the courage it has taken to share with us about your abuse and how it happened, and what signs to look for in a child. The more stories we hear, the more we will be able to combat these predators, back them into a corner, and STOP this kind of horror from happening!
I am so very sorry for what you went through, but so thankful you are now a “survivor” rather than a victim. Thank you, again, for being so brave!
Bravo Dave for preventing that pedophile from writing you. Cutting off contact with abusers is one of the most important things that can be done for recovery.
This is so awful and painful. I know I have said this before, but think it is worth repeating for anyone who might be new here: After I was abused by my stepfather and wondering why my mom didn’t make it stop, the same happened with my daughter. My brother was abusing his 2 year old daughter and nice when he would babysit. Neither one said a word until they were adults, much the same way that I didn’t. We were all warned of the outcome if we should speak up. No treats. Fear was the tactic they used.
I am thankful for this Dad’s speaking out and thankful that he and his family got help. On top of the other abuses, this was Spiritual abuse. John used his place as a minister to call out his brother on his “parenting mistakes”. How sad our Spiritual leaders have become. Just because he stands up front “preaching and teaching”, does not make him one of God’s children. We truly only have one guide, one teacher {{{{{JESUS}}}}}. Look to him, not the preacher.
Love you Clara and Church Protect,
Brenda
Brenda, Thank you so very, very much! You are so right! FEAR is one of the biggest tactics used by predators! “If you tell, I’m going to tell everyone what you did and nobody will ever love you.” “If you tell, I’m going to kill myself and everyone will know why.” “If you tell, I’ll do something very, very bad to your mommy.” “If you tell, everyone will know what a bad little girl/boy you have been.” And, on and on it goes. What a horrible thing to do to a child!!!!!! And, yet, we know that these tactics are frequently and commonly used on abuse victims.
I would like to know how these parents finally found out what John was doing? What was the final straw, what are some specific actions that finally threw up the final red flag? As a parent to two small children, I feel I’m always assuming the worst in people now and I don’t know how to differentiate a genuinely kind person or someone I should be suspicious of l. Does that make sense? I don’t see anyone comment these types of questions?
Lisa, In this case, the father of these children saw “confusing” things from John, but nothing enough to send up any kind of bad vibes. Something just didn’t seem right, and his children didn’t show signs of stress or apprehension when near John. I have asked the father if he would consider telling this part of the story to us. Because of the sensitivity of this, it’s often very, very difficult for survivors of abuse to talk about, and in this case, extremely difficult for the father of these children to talk about.
I do know that children often give “hints” that something is wrong, and the predator will also give “hints” as “tests” to see how airtight his trust is with both the children and the parents. One of the biggest tip-offs is when someone takes a special interest in your child, wants to spend alone time with your child, and calls your child such things as “my special girl or boy”, “my little princess” — uses the possessive when talking. In John’s case, he was getting more and more bold taking pictures of children — which we found extremely irritating as a family — BUT when he said comments such as “she’s going to be beautiful — look at her soft, silky skin” about a seven year old it raised our eyebrows. But, it still wasn’t enough to make us think that he was a pedophile. Now, of course, we know better!
Thank you so much for your reply Clara. I apologize after re-reading my comment/question it was written poorly and a bit overstepping. I have been following your story for quite some time now and I’m so thankful I found your site. It has opened my eyes to so much and makes my heart break every time I read. I have been doing my own research, following church protect and trying to educate myself to the best of my ability. I have a 7 year old daughter and 5 year old son and it scares me everyday thinking this could happen and I be blind to it. I appreciate everything you are doing and those who are brave enough to share their story. Again, I apologize if I offended anyone by the way I asked the question.
Lisa, Actually you’ve asked a very, very good question. It’s just difficult for survivors of abuse to talk about this, and even more difficult for the parents of abused children to talk about this since they are so often riddled with guilt the guilt of not seeing the signs of abuse in their children.
I have a feeling that there will be some who will speak up — even if they do so anonymously. And, this is a worry for ALL of us who have children and grandchildren!
Special interest is also how every man has to do if they are going to reach out to help a kid. People don’t care what you know until they know if you care. It is not just wolves who show a particular interest in a particular kid.