Category Archives: remembering our loved one

There’s More to Ice Cream Than Meets the Eye!

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I don’t know about you, but I love ice cream! I mean I really love ice cream, and apparently so do a lot of people! Give me the plain flavors like chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry, and I’ll get wowed! Give me the totally scrumptious flavors like almond peanut butter or black cherry and vanilla bean and I’ll jump up and down with craziness!

For a lot of us, ice cream is a much more than just frozen milk, cream, and some flavoring. Ice cream is reason for getting together. Ice cream always is present at a party. Ice cream is something that cools us down on a hot, summery day. Ice cream is that stuff that gets all gooey on the faces of little ones and makes us look at the children with delight and say, “Oh, my word! Look how cute!” Ice cream is a great way to make memories!

Last weekend, I had the most wonderful Mother’s Day ever! I got to visit with family in the grand city of Nashville, Tennessee! Granted, I love the city, and it’s an awesome place to visit, BUT the city would not be what it is to me if I didn’t have loved ones living there! I got to spend precious moments with some of my children and my grandchildren! And, guess what helped give us some of our most cherished moments of our time together? Ice cream!!!!!

We laughed, we talked, and ate all kinds of flavors of ice cream. The kids had ice cream all over their faces, on their shirts, on the tables and chairs, and nobody seemed to care. The “ice cream social” was too good for words!

We all need those “ice cream moments” when we can get together and just let our hair down and enjoy life. Those times when we forget we have any cares in this world, and we fall into the “I love life more than anything” mode. Those times when all we care to do is laugh and play and enjoy the moment.

If you’ve noticed the date of this blog, you’ll know that my visit to Nashville was directly following the flood that did billions of dollars of damage in that fair city, as well as claimed lives of some very precious people. You might ask how we could take a break away from the heavy pain of this time of sorrow to eat ice cream and laugh. We did it because that is often how we deal with the deep sorrows of life — we take some necessary small breaks away from the pain in order to recharge our batteries. We take mini grief breaks to give ourselves time to replenish and refuel.

The Nashville people were doing just that, too! Many were out last weekend talking, laughing, and enjoying some ice cream. They weren’t disrespectful. They weren’t forgetting the massive clean-up about to begin in the city. They weren’t making light of the pain. They were simply getting energized for the work that lies ahead.

What’s your pain today? More importantly, what’s your plan for survival? Do you have an “ice cream social” planned? Maybe a “chocoate chip cookie fest” ? Or how about a movie-marathon? What is it that recharges you? What fills up your tank when it is running on low? Whatever it is, then do it today! It’s a matter of survival!

Love,

Clara Hinton

Making Amends after Mom is Gone

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Since Mother’s Day is coming up, and the original use of this blog was for “healing”, I decided to take a brief break away from talking about the Italy trip, and post some of my thoughts on how to make amends with your mother after she is gone (if, of course, there is a need to make any amends.)

Making Amends after Mom is Gone

Mother’s Day has been one of the most difficult days of my life for two reasons. Twenty-two years ago I was carrying a 28-week-old son who died in my uterus. I knew he was no longer alive, but my doctor felt it was best for me to wait for spontaneous labor to begin, so…..while I waiting for these two longest weeks of my life to pass, Mother’s Day arrived. I wept, I sorrowed, I grieved, and I wailed to God for allowing this to happen. The Thursday following Mother’s Day, I delivered my baby boy who was forever still.

The Mother’s Day before the loss of my son, I did something that was so out of character for me that I still cannot believe I did it. I totally ignored my mother on Mother’s Day, and I did it knowing that I would hurt her deeply. I was angry with her for her alcohol problem. I was angry with her for destroying her health. I was just plain angry with her! Mostly, I was angry with her for not being the mother I thought she should be, so I foolishly and selfishly made the decision to withhold love from my mother on that particular Mother’s Day. I’ve never been the same since.

Life never gives us everything we want or everything we think we need. My mother had problems dealing with depression. She had serious physical illnesses. And, to top it all off, she was a full-blown alcoholic shedding her misery on others every day of her life. And, I wasn’t happy at all about that. “Why”, I asked myself, “should I buy her a card filled with flattery and tell her things that weren’t true?” “Why should I shower my mother with love when she would probably be far too drunk to even know that I tried to show her that I cared?”

Mom asked for a simple gift that year. She wanted a lawn chair — the inexpensive kind that can be folded and carried any place in the yard. She wanted a $10 lawn chair, and I wouldn’t give her that as a gift because I didn’t feel she deserved it. Talk about having the wrong understanding of love!!! I didn’t acknowledge her at all on Mother’s Day, and forgiving myself has been a long, difficult, tear-filled journey.

Little did I know that my mother would never again see another Mother’s Day. She died 10 months later from complications of the liver brought on by her constant drinking.

God, in His mercy, allowed me to hold my mother’s hand as she drew her final breath, yet I never spoke the words I wanted to say to her. I never said, “Mom, I love you so much and I’m so ashamed of myself for not thanking you for giving me life, for taking care of me when it was so hard for you to even take care of yourself, and mostly of all thank you for pointing me to God.” Instead, I pulled inward and kept that wall between us as she breavely took her final breath. My mother was gone, and I was left with only guilt. Guilt for not being being the daughter I should have been to my mother. Guilt for not acknowledging my mother on her final Mother’s Day on earth. Guilt for not getting her that lawn chair that would have been so easy for me to give to her as a gift.

I have had lots of time to repent, and it has taken me years to finally feel the heavy weight of guilt removed from my heart. I learned an eternal lesson that I want to share with you on this Mother’s Day and every Mother’s Day to come. Please don’t ever deny your mother the gift of love even if you think she doesn’t deserve it. You have been given one mother, and it is both an honor and a privilege to show your mother that you care — even if that love is never reciprocated. Every mother deserves to be hugged, loved, and treated special, and most especially on the day set aside for honoring mothers — Mother’s Day.

I miss my mother, and I have wished thousands of times over that I could tell her what I feel in my heart. I have visited her gravesite and talked with her there. I have written her letters and asked for her forgiveness. I have even bought her a lawn chair! In fact, every year since the death of my mother, I buy one lawn chair and give that chair to someone who might enjoy just sitting in the sunshine for a while.

Life without mother on Mother’s Day is often empty and hollow. Add guilt to that, and it is horrible. Why not do something to remove that awful burden of guilt if you are feeling the same as I did? Do something special for your mother today! Don’t delay. You don’t have to have a special day or a special reason. Just do it! And, if your mother is no longer here, you can easily find another mother who just might need an extra hug, a smile, an “I love you” and maybe even a lawn chair!

Love,

Clara Hinton

Nine Hours and Twenty Three Minutes to Italy!

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March 1 – March 2, 2010 – The Italy Trip

What do you think about when you are only nine hours and twenty three minutes away from seeing your lifetime dream fulfilled? Do you plan out what your reaction will be when you reach your destination? Do you try to imagine the sights, sounds, and tastes of your dream-come-true? Does your mind suddenly get flooded with questions? Or, do you remain calm and just take in each moment and savor those moments with every single breath you take?

Well, sit back and relax while I share with you just what I did when about to see my dream turn into reality…..

1) The first thing I did was to get situated right by the window seat on the plane because I was not about to miss even one second of the take-off for Italy, nor the landing in Rome, or anything in-between. Thank you, Chris, for giving me the window seat! I appreciate that more than you’ll ever know!

2) I wrapped myself in a wool blanket so that I would stay warm for the next nine hours. (I’m an Italian granny, and this is what old people do!)

3) And, finally…..I tried to relax, but instead………I went blank. Totally, completely, undeniably blank! My mind left me. It completely, “for real” left me!

So, I began to panic. I slapped the side of my face. I snapped my fingers. I kept pushing my feet hard against the floor of the plane until my toes went numb in my shoes. I pulled out the mirror in my purse and looked at my reflection to see if I had spinach stuck in my teeth. I combed my hair. I drank some water. And, I got up close and personal to Chris and stared at him ony to have him turn his face away from me as if to say, “You have got to be kidding me! She finally did it. She went toally nuts on me!”

Sorry, Chris, but I had to do something to make sure this trip was real. I honestly thought maybe — just maybe — I had died and was somehow being allowed to see Italy as a dream from heaven. Or, maybe I was in a hursing home, and all of my kids posted pictures of the passport, the airport, the plane, and signs that said “Italy” so that I would think, in my senility, that I was on my way to Rome. IT WASN’T REAL!!! But, then again, maybe it was! Maybe this was truly happening to me!

The attendants on the plane spoke only Italian, so you know how good I did with that. I whispered to Chris several times that I didn’t understand one word of what was being said (although I sure did love hearing Italian being spoken), but he just looked straight ahead with eyes closed and headphones on. He was like a statue and he refused to turn his head to acknowledge me. He didn’t blink. He sat frozen….face straight ahead, ears plugged, eyes closed.

Note to all parents: When your kids put on headphones, it’s not because they’re really listening to music. They’re just tuning you out. And, when they close their eyes, they’re not at all sleeping. They’re totally ignoring you. So, don’t even waste your time trying to talk to them. It never works. They just continue this routine until you finally go away.

Continuing on….after about the 4th hour into the flight, I knew I had to use the bathroom or it was not going to be pretty in our little seating area. But, my fake-sleeping son wasn’t about to open his eyes to let me out of my seat, so I did what any mother would do in an emergency situation. I stood up and gave him a gentle, but firm, motherly push. And, in response, he gave me back a look that said, “Make it quick, lady, because I am not in any kind of mood to play games!”

Another note: Don’t always take things at face value. Little did I know until several days later why Chris was so crabby with me when I wanted to go to the bathroom. He had been knocked around, bumped into, and shoved all night long by people shuffling back and forth to the bathroom. He had the aisle seat, remember? And, worst of all, “Barney”nailed him hard every single time she passed by! Nope, I’m not telling you any more. You’ll just have to read what Chris has to say about that!

After the bathroom break, I finally concluded that this entire adventure must be for real. Angels don’t have to pee, so I absolutely had to be alive. And, to build up an even stronger case for reality, if I was in a nursing home, I’d be wearing a diaper and wouldn’t have to use the bathroom. This was it! I was half-way to Italy! This is for real, and there were only a few more hours to go!

I managed to fiddle around with the little monitor in front of me long enough to figure out how to turn it to display the flight map. We wer over Madrid….and getting closer and closer to Italy. We had been flying all night, and it was soon to be “sunrise over Italy.” I pressed my face to the window and gasped with excitement! Yes, I took out my trusty Sony Cybershot and snapped some pics of the sunrise! Breathtaking! Gorgeous! Magnificent! Miraculous! I T A L Y!!!

In all honesty, I don’t remember much more about the plane ride except what I’ve shared with you. I didn’t do much journaling on the plane, as I was far too excited about the entire experience. I do know that the sunrise was nothing short of majestic. The puffy clouds were amazing. The streaks of red in the sky reminded me of the sun rising above the ocean on a perfect kind of day. The snow-capped mountains took my breath away. WOW! This was already far more than I’d imagined! I have no idea how the hours managed to tick by so quickly, but they did, and now we were hearing the announcement I’d been waiting to hear for over five decades. “Welcome to Italia!!!”

What’s next? Well, let’s just say that airports aren’t all they’re cracked up to be — not when you realize that you’re the only English speaking person among thousands! And, there is no real feeling of “safety while in a foreign land” when you are relying on a son who not only cannot understand a word of Italian, but who is sporting a rattail, a front fanny pack, and who uses a green shoe lace for his luggage carrier. Yep, more adventures are coming!

With love and tons of excitement,

Clara

Sleep? Nobody Needs Sleep when in Italy!

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For those who have been traveling along with me on this journey from the US to Italy through my jouranl, let’s pick up where we left off….at the airport where when Chris and I landed after traveling 4,408 miles and 9 hours 23 minutes to reach a life-long dream!

WOW! WOW! WOW! Italy! Italia! Italians! Beautiful people! Beautiful language! Pinch me. Is it real? It’s funny how your body and mind seem to work in high gear and run in overtime when you’re having fun! There is no way under the sun that I was about to feel tired. Not now, and not for a long time to come! Just walking through the airport in Italy was an adventure, and I didn’t intend to miss one second of it!

Chris and I realized within seconds that we might be up against a bit of a “problemo” since neither one of up spoke Italian. Let’s just say that the Italians made it very clear…..THEY were not the foreigners. We were, and it was our responsiblility to speak to them!

NOTE: When travling in a foreign country, bring along an interpreter, a dictionary with translations OR get really smart and study the language so that you can get directions, ask where the bathroom is located, and order your food!

Chris has a way with women, and he soon met “Anna”, pronounced Ahhhhhna. She was drop-dead gorgeous, and she could also speak enough English to help us get pointed into the direction of a bus to Rome. Yep! Off to Rome after no sleep for twenty-four plus hours! Our plans were to tour a bit of Rome, get some great Italian food, then get back on a bus that was headed in the opposite direction, travel for three more hours, and meet up with our friends from the States, who are now living part-time in Italy.

My journal is as mixed up as I was at this point. Nothing was done in order. Nothing was planned, and we didn’t care! We soaked up everything like sponges! The beauty of the buildings. The gorgeous blue sky. The long stretch of seamless highway. The miniature cars. The fast motorcycles. The scooters with lady drivers. The speeding trains. I’ll say it again — and all of the beautiful people! Italy was already proving to be an amazing place!

When the bus stopped in Rome, the very first thing we did was hit up a place for food! Authentic Italian food!

Three observations and then I’ll close this chapter of the trip for today:

1) Never once did I reach inside my purse for my cell phone. When in the states, I couldn’t go five minutes without calling or texting someone. What does this mean? Nothing philosophical, really. I knew my phone wouldn’t work in Italy, so I didn’t even try! *insert a big funny smile!*

2) I finally realized that my number 5 child, my son Chris, was a bit crazy. He is fearless. He walked up to any and every stranger on the street and gave a nod of the head and a bit of a side-kick dance with his tennis shoes and bright, neon green shoe laces. He also spoke words that he thought were Italian, but were really made up words. Chris, I knew you were faking it all along!

3) Chris is certifiably the most giving, caring person in the world to take, of all people, HIS MOTHER, on a trip to Italy! I could tell it was a stretch for him at times (okay, it was a stretch the entire trip), but HE DID IT! HE TOOK HIS MOM TO ITALY, and for that I will be forever greatful!

Chris, I can even *almost* get over the fact that you were sporting a rat tail and that golly-awful front fanny pack!

More tomorrow…….stay tuned for the ride to Petriotoli to meet up with our friends in Italy! That is where the true “Adventures in Italy” began!

Love,

Clara

Dulles Airport to Rome, Italy – but Hot Tea First!

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C’mon and get ready for another adventure or two as you follow the traveling mother and son duo to Italy!

Monday, March 1, 2010 – 3:00 p.m.
Believe it or not, the half-hour flight from Pittsburgh to Washington was uneventful. In fact, I didn’t even make a journal entry about that part of the trip. However, that all changed once we landed in Dulles Airport!

We had a few hours to kill before the final boarding for Italy, so Chris and I decided to get a quick snack to eat and then we would do our final money exchange. Okay, for me it was the only money exchange. Ever since Chris told me about this trip I had fussed and worried over the money. I told him I had a secret stash of cash saved for this trip, but I needed to know how much to bring along. Now, for me a “stash of cash” is an amount of coins that will fit loosely into a small coffee can. For Chris, a “stash” is…well, slightly more.

He kept telling me that I didn’t need to worry about the money part, but I’m a mom and I wanted to pay for at least part of my way on this trip. So, I spotted “The Money Exchange” in the airport, and off I dragged Chris to help me get this task completed. I boldly stood up to the window and counted out my one dollar bills (I think I drove the teller crazy, and I know I drove Chris even MORE crazy). Yay! I now had “Euros” of my own to spend! I could treat Chris to meals, and I could buy some gifts. I could even help pay for gelato! Until this very moment, I didn’t even know what the money exchange for Europe/Italy was called! Obviously, I had not met Rick Steves yet. (Do you remember him from a previous blog entry?)

Note: It’s a super wonderful thing when your kids back off from showing you that you really are dumb! Even though you know that they know, when they don’t tell you to your face it’s greatly appreciated. Chris, thanks for allowing me the dignity of feeling like I was paying for some of this trip. I needed that! I really, really needed that! Thank you for allowing me to feel like I was contributing my part even though we both know that I wasn’t.

Chris followed me to the window for the remaining “extra Euros” he was going to bring to Italy, and like a pro, he flashed that fanny belt of his to the teller, whipped out his plastic card, and said……”Cash it in!” We were set to go! The money exchange was completed. Look out Italy! Here we come!

We had another hour left to wait for boarding, so we went to our gate, and I was fidgety so I stood up and watched other planes taking off and landing. Chris was content doing the same until five minutes before time to board. No, I take that back….the call for boarding had been made. “Section 1 — time to board!” We were in Section 2 which meant we were next!

What did Chris do right at that very moment? He looked at me and said, “You go ahead and board. I’m going to look for a place that sells hot tea.” WHAT?!?!?! “We’re boarding — right now! You cannot leave here! We are boarding!” “Yes, I sure can leave! I want some hot tea, and there’s no rush with the boarding. They’ll be a good half hour boarding this plane.” And, with that, off he went!

My stomach felt sick. Why does he have to do these things? Is it fun to see the color drain from my face? Is it a kind of game to play to see how long it takes to bring on the “big one”? He didn’t need hot tea any more than I needed to meet the man in the moon. He wanted to make a momentous impact on me by missing the plane! I could see it in his face. This was all part of the plan. He’d call the other kids and tell them the trip was off because I went crazy on him right before the plane was ready to take off.

Now, this is where a lot of my family will be saying, “She’s doing it again. She’s exaggerating. She’s fabricating a story. That really didn’t happen the way mom is telling it.” Kids, listen up! It DID happen, and it got worse!

The plane to Rome boarded……….and I continued to stand “alone” by the gate and I continued to text Chris. “Where are you?” “Please answer me!” “Everyone is on the plane but the two of us.” “Please don’t do this, Chris!”
Nothing. No answer. No Chris. So, I looked at the lady at the desk by the gate and explained, “My son and I belong on this plane that is going to Rome, but my son…..my son went to get some hot tea, and I can’t find him.” “Ma’am, I strongly suggest you get on that plane now because in exactly two minutes the doors will be shut, and that plane is taking off.”

No time or energy to cry. My hands were trembling as I began another text. Darn him! I know he has his phone on. Where is he? I’m gonna kill him when I see him!!! That’s when the text came through. “I got my tea. Got a bit side-tracked looking at the chicks. Am on my way.”

I looked up to see Chris slowly walking along with that darned Rat Tail, his cup of tea, and his phone in his hand. And, he was laughing! He thought the entire incident was funny! He really, really did!

Another Note: All kids work very diligently to make their parents sweat blood, and most of them succeed more than once. And, for those wondering….yes, Chris was a success! I’m still very much in recovery!

We ran to the door of the plane, showed our boarding passes and passports, and the door was successfully slammed shut. This was it! Nine hours and twenty three minutes in flight. There were no more escape routes for Chris. The two of us, mother and son, on a large jumbo jet filled to capacity with people headed for Rome. Thank you, dear God! We made it this far!

There’s no turning back now. The dream…… the life-long dream is finally going to happen!!!! Italy, I can almost touch you!