{"id":1757,"date":"2014-10-24T01:14:23","date_gmt":"2014-10-24T01:14:23","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.findingahealingplace.com\/?p=1757"},"modified":"2014-10-24T01:14:23","modified_gmt":"2014-10-24T01:14:23","slug":"married-to-a-pedophile-a-meeting-with-the-president","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/findingahealingplace.com\/married-to-a-pedophile-a-meeting-with-the-president\/","title":{"rendered":"Married to a Pedophile: A Meeting with the President"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>If you’ve been following along with my story about being married for almost forty years to a practicing pedophile, you know that<a href=\"http:\/\/www.findingahealingplace.com\/2014\/10\/14\/married-to-a-pedophile-when-the-shockwaves-hit\/\"> we finally separated.\u00a0 <\/a>But, it wasn’t because I knew that he was a pedophile.\u00a0 Far from it!\u00a0 That knowledge wouldn’t come until four long, heart-ache filled years later.<\/p>\n<p>Living in a fog — that’s the only way I can describe the first few weeks of our separation.\u00a0 The one thing I dreaded most in life — a failed marriage — had finally become reality.\u00a0 And, even worse was the fact that everyone would know that I was a failure.\u00a0 I live in a small community and because our family was so large, we always seemed to be a topic of conversation, and this was definitely a topic people loved discussing!<\/p>\n<p>Our minds can only take so much pain at a time so I retreated into the well-known fog of <a href=\"https:\/\/www.google.com\/search?sourceid=navclient&aq=&oq=What+is+grief&ie=UTF-8&rlz=1T4NDKB_enUS566US569&q=what+is+grief&gs_l=hp..0.0l5.0.0.0.5271...........0.Q4nT3Eoj1O\">grief<\/a>.\u00a0 And, one of the greatest coping skills for those who are living through trauma is denial and the inability to think straight.<\/p>\n<p>However, I didn’t have that luxury.\u00a0 There was a mortgage payment to be made each month.\u00a0 There were two daughters to take care of, and there were stacks of bills that needed immediate attention.\u00a0 I had no idea how to do it, but one thing was certain……..\u00a0 <!--more-->I had to go to the bank and the one I had to see was the top man.\u00a0 This was a serious matter.\u00a0 Not only did I have a regular mortgage to pay, but I had a home equity loan to pay (that was mostly John’s legal fees from<a href=\"http:\/\/triblive.com\/x\/pittsburghtrib\/news\/regional\/s_83005.html#axzz3H1FdI5Ru\"> his federal indictment).\u00a0 <\/a>And, keep in mind there was a lien against the house for $1.2 million dollars in John’s name only which meant that I could NOT sell the house.\u00a0 My options were to continue to pay on the house or to walk away from the house and find an apartment for me and the girls.<\/p>\n<p>I cried for hours on end.\u00a0 In fact, I sobbed day and night asking God for some kind of guidance.\u00a0 My trust in God was deeply shaken, though.\u00a0 I had cried out to God many years ago asking to be directed to a man who would be a Christian leader in our home, and who would be a godly husband and father.\u00a0 I was certain at the time that John was the answer to my prayers.\u00a0 But…….time had proven that to be so very different.<\/p>\n<p>When we’re in deep grief and stressed to our limit, we can’t think straight.\u00a0 We need help.\u00a0 My only problem was I didn’t know who to go to for help.\u00a0 So, I finally decided to take the biggest risk of my life to this point and make an appointment to speak with the bank President.\u00a0 As I think back now, I both cringe in fear and I kind of give myself a “way to go, girl!” because of the courage this took to pick up the phone and make the appointment.<\/p>\n<p><em>Sometimes we are sent angels from places we least expect, and I will always believe that God allowed me to experience one of those meetings with an angel the day I walked into the bank.<\/em><\/p>\n<p>I was shaking with fear.\u00a0 In fact, I was trembling.\u00a0 It felt as though I was walking into a den with an open pit and I was going to drop to the bottom and never be able to come up out of the darkness again.\u00a0 Thank God this wasn’t so!<\/p>\n<p>I was greeted respectfully and was taken “upstairs to the administrative offices.”\u00a0 Many times when we’re afraid we suffer those horrible things called panic attacks, and I was definitely suffering one at this moment.\u00a0 Plus, my head was pounding so hard it felt like it was going to explode.\u00a0 My high blood pressure had returned.\u00a0 There was no turning back, though.<\/p>\n<p>In walked the President of the bank.<\/p>\n<p>He sat across the table from me and said, “Tell me why you’re here.”\u00a0 I had a two-age letter typed up that basically said, “I am now a single parent, and my daughters and I want to remain in our home.\u00a0 I’m going to do all that I can to keep us in the home.\u00a0 I will work two jobs.\u00a0 I will never miss a payment.\u00a0 I am asking you to give me a shot at this.”<\/p>\n<p>He looked at me.\u00a0 He called his secretary to “bring the files on the house” and that’s when the tears began falling.\u00a0 I knew it would contain all of the information about the FBI investigation, the seizing of all of our money, the Federal lien against the house, and the terrible financial situation we were in.<\/p>\n<p>He quietly scanned the papers.\u00a0 He looked at me.\u00a0 He read some more.<\/p>\n<p>My tears continued to fall on the table and it embarrassed me so much because I had to ask for some tissues.\u00a0 I didn’t plan\u00a0on me crumbling like this.<\/p>\n<p>“Here’s the deal.\u00a0 I’m going to give you one year to get rid of that Federal lien against the house.\u00a0 Right now the bank stands in second place if you default in your payments and we can’t have that.\u00a0 I’m going to give you one year, and then we will meet again.\u00a0 In the meantime, keep up with your payments.”<\/p>\n<p><em><strong>Then, something happened that I will never forget.\u00a0 A very compassionate, caring side of this man spoke to me.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n<p>“You’re a strong woman.\u00a0 I have faith that you’re going to do this.\u00a0 In fact, I know you’re going to do this.\u00a0 You have two girls to take care of and I want to see you keep your home.\u00a0 You walk across the street and go see your attorney and ask him to write a letter to the Federal Government asking them to release you from the lien that is in John’s name.\u00a0 In the meantime, I’ll see you in a year.”<\/p>\n<p>He shook my hand, then stood up and said, “Thank you for your business.\u00a0 Go home to your girls tonight and enjoy an evening together.”<\/p>\n<p><strong><em>“And, by the way.\u00a0 Stop crying.\u00a0 It’s going to work out.”<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n<p>I know I thanked him profusely, but I can’t remember the exact words that I said.\u00a0 I know I signed a one-year agreement, and I didn’t really know what kind of good faith agreement it was.\u00a0 I just knew that someone had faith in me.\u00a0 There was a person who believed in “me” — this man believed in me.\u00a0 He entrusted me with the care of our home, and I knew that I would crawl to work if I had to in order to keep up my end of the bargain of never missing a house payment!<\/p>\n<p>It was a good day!<\/p>\n<p>I wish I could say that things were easy.\u00a0 I wish I could say that the payments were always on time.\u00a0 I wish I could say the Federal Government answered the attorney’s letter and had compassion and released the lien on the house, but I can’t say any of those things.<\/p>\n<p>Soon after that meeting, the electricity was shut off because I made the house payment but couldn’t\u00a0 pay the electric.\u00a0 The girls contributed money from their jobs at McDonald’s to help buy things such as gas to get to and from work, food, and to help make the mortgage payment.\u00a0 I was able to find a second job, but even that wasn’t enough to keep things going smoothly.\u00a0 Our phone was disconnected.\u00a0 We had no fuel oil, so we used electric blankets ONLY for heat and let’s just say that it dropped to 32 degrees in the house and the temperature\u00a0hovered around 40 degrees until spring arrived.\u00a0 *NOTE:\u00a0 We live in snow country and our weather is brutal!\u00a0 It is common to have snow clear into the first weeks of May.<\/p>\n<p>What does any of this have to do with being married to a pedophile?<\/p>\n<p>Two things stand out to me.\u00a0 While we were going through this difficult period of adjustment, John was living very comfortably with a son and daughter-in-law.\u00a0 He was buying food for families in the church and delivering it to them.\u00a0 He was making trips as far as an hour away taking baked lasagna, freshly made brownies, and other goodies he had made so that he could help those less fortunate.<\/p>\n<p><em><strong>Practicing pedophiles are thinking of only one thing when they are grooming for their next child.\u00a0 They are thinking of self-gratification and the thrill it gives them to know they have the power to control others!\u00a0<\/strong> <\/em><\/p>\n<p>He gave such confusing messages to the kids.\u00a0 He knew how to look like “poor John” and play up the fact that he was so lonely he didn’t know if he could live without me.\u00a0 He took the girls out to breakfast on Saturdays to spend time with them — a wonderful thing to do — but he didn’t care about our struggles at home.\u00a0 What kind of father does that? What kind of message was that sending?\u00a0 How mixed up their minds were at this time!<\/p>\n<p>He was the kind, wonderful man at church who bought toys for the kids and entertained them during the sermon so that their mothers could get a break and listen to the sermon.<\/p>\n<p>And, he continued to offer free babysitting for any parents who wanted to go out because “he knew how hard it is to raise kids and not have any time out together as husband and wife.”<\/p>\n<p><em><strong>Pedophiles know how to become\u00a0everyone’s hero.\u00a0<\/strong> <\/em><\/p>\n<p>He was kind.\u00a0 He was generous.\u00a0 His faith was strong.\u00a0 He helped people in the community.\u00a0 He preached for free.\u00a0 He visited sick people.\u00a0 Little kids loved him.\u00a0 Adults loved him.\u00a0 Community members, family members, church members — everyone loved him.\u00a0 And, why wouldn’t they?<\/p>\n<p>He was helping a lot of people.\u00a0 AND at this very same time\u00a0—\u00a0as was proved in our court of law\u00a0— he was molesting children!!!!<\/p>\n<p>Please listen.\u00a0 If someone is willing to spend more time with your children than you are, then something is wrong!\u00a0 If someone is paying more attention to other families than their own something is very wrong!\u00a0 If someone’s behavior seems “odd” stop handing your children over to them!\u00a0 Set boundaries and stick to them!\u00a0 Open your eyes and pay attention!\u00a0 Don’t fall for the lies and deception any more!<\/p>\n<p>A word I want to leave with those who have been the victims of abuse.\u00a0 As former Miss American, Marilyn VanDerber says so well<a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=YUDNs3cSOXU\">, “There is hope!\u00a0 You can heal<\/a>!\u00a0 When you do the work, you will be free!”<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.findingahealingplace.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/10\/Hope-and-Healing.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-1758\" alt=\"Hope and Healing\" src=\"http:\/\/www.findingahealingplace.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/10\/Hope-and-Healing.jpg\" width=\"800\" height=\"419\" srcset=\"https:\/\/findingahealingplace.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/10\/Hope-and-Healing.jpg 800w, https:\/\/findingahealingplace.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/10\/Hope-and-Healing-300x157.jpg 300w, https:\/\/findingahealingplace.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/10\/Hope-and-Healing-500x261.jpg 500w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>Thank you so much for\u00a0reading.\u00a0 Thank you so much for continuing to follow this story of learning from my mistakes of not being educated about the fact that child sexual abuse does happen.\u00a0 It is very real, and it happens to people we know every day.<\/p>\n<p>Most\u00a0often the abusers are not the scary men hiding in the bushes.\u00a0 The abuser is the man\u00a0or woman you love and trust.\u00a0 The\u00a0abuser is the person who scoops up your child and shows that child love.\u00a0 The abuser is the one who is laughing as he controls you and sexualizes and abuses your child!<\/p>\n<p>It’s time to stop\u00a0allowing\u00a0abuse!\u00a0 We’re stronger, we’re smarter,\u00a0and we’re growing a strong voice for our children!<\/p>\n<p>Love,<\/p>\n<p>Clara<\/p>\n<p>Next time we will talk about John’s driving determination to get a job as a full-time, live-in\u00a0childcare giver — a manny!<\/p>\n<p>If you are in need of a speaker for your school group, your church, or your community group, please email me at <a href=\"mailto:clarahintonspeaker@gmail.com\">clarahintonspeaker@gmail.com<\/a> .<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>If you’ve been following along with my story about being married for almost forty years to a practicing pedophile, you know that we finally separated.\u00a0 But, it wasn’t because I knew that he was a pedophile.\u00a0 Far from it!\u00a0 That … <a 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