Category Archives: Uncategorized

Married to a Pedophile: Every Human Soul is Precious!

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Because this blog is growing and being shared by thousands, I am hearing more and more from adults who were sexually abused when they were children.  I must tell you that every time I hear another story, my heart bleeds just a bit more.  I had no idea that so many children have suffered silently in this horrifying pain!

It is always so wonderful when I hear of victims of abuse who have come through this dark, painful tunnel of despair and are now survivors.  They’ve made it!  Most of them will say, “I’ve found a Savior.  My God delivered me from the pain that was part of my life all of my childhood. I no longer feel the chains of shame.  I no longer struggle with the daily fear.  I no longer am filled with hatred and rage.  I am free.”

But, for many, I hear the heart wrenching words, “I want to die. I am physically impaired because of the abuse.  I feel unloveable.  I feel ashamed.  And, I don’t know how I can go on. Nobody could every love somebody like me!”    Continue reading →

Married to a Pedophile: The Unrelenting Search for a Live-In Nanny Job!

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We should learn to follow our gut instincts.  When something seems “off” or just doesn’t feel right, there is probably something wrong.  When something seems so totally “odd” that you being to lose sleep over it, then pay attention while you’re tossing and turning in bed at night.

Listen to what your gut feelings are telling you! 

I knew something was very “odd” and “unusual” when the man I was married to began searching for a job as a live-in male nanny — a “manny” as he affectionately called it.  I was a bit more than irritated at him.  He had 5 years of college education, several years of experience as a preacher and also as a substitute school teacher.  He sold insurance for almost thirty years.  And, now at age 59 his life passion was to be a live-in babysitter!  There was something wrong, but I sure couldn’t figure it out!     Continue reading →

Married to a Pedophile: Words for Survivors of Abuse

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There are three words that every survivor of sexual abuse needs to hear, yet so often those words are never spoken!  These three words would make all of the difference in the world when it comes to healing.  Survivors of abuse have such a difficult time talking about their abuse, BUT when they make themselves vulnerable and say, “I have something to tell you” , they are at a pivotal time in their lives.  This takes guts — lots and lots of courage and guts — to say, “I’ve been abused”, and that is why these three words are so important to hear.                 Continue reading →

Married to a Pedophile: Shame on You, Dottie Sandusky!

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At first I sympathized with Dottie Sandusky.  I, too, walked in her shoes.  The man I loved and trusted and shared my life with was living a double life.  The man I married was a pedophile, too, and on some level I connected with Dottie Sandusky.  I cried for her when her husband was arrested.  I cried for her when she learned the truth about the man she loved.  I cried for her because I thought she would stay awake at night crying for the victims who were harmed by her husband.  I cried for her because I knew how hard it is to realize that your life has been a lie.  I cried for her because I thought she shared the same brokenness that I feel every day of my life for those whose lives have been tormented and shamed and pained in terrible ways by the man I loved.

But, I will not cry for Dottie Sandusky any more!  Shame on you!  Shame on you, Dottie Sandusky!  How can you do this?  How can you continue to defend this man?  How can you defend this man who sits in prison for committing horrendous acts against children?   How can you do this, Dottie Sandusky?  Continue reading →

Married to a Pedophile: A Meeting with the President

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If you’ve been following along with my story about being married for almost forty years to a practicing pedophile, you know that we finally separated.  But, it wasn’t because I knew that he was a pedophile.  Far from it!  That knowledge wouldn’t come until four long, heart-ache filled years later.

Living in a fog — that’s the only way I can describe the first few weeks of our separation.  The one thing I dreaded most in life — a failed marriage — had finally become reality.  And, even worse was the fact that everyone would know that I was a failure.  I live in a small community and because our family was so large, we always seemed to be a topic of conversation, and this was definitely a topic people loved discussing!

Our minds can only take so much pain at a time so I retreated into the well-known fog of grief.  And, one of the greatest coping skills for those who are living through trauma is denial and the inability to think straight.

However, I didn’t have that luxury.  There was a mortgage payment to be made each month.  There were two daughters to take care of, and there were stacks of bills that needed immediate attention.  I had no idea how to do it, but one thing was certain……..  Continue reading →