Category Archives: remembering our loved one

It’s the weekend…..now what?

Posted on by

I used to love the weekends, until…….until grief entered my life. Then, the weekends became a time of drudgery, and a time of more sadness and sorrow…….a time when the hours just seemed to linger on and on and time seemed to stand still. At least during the week I was kept busy!

That is the cry of many people who find themselves in need of “a healing place”….. a place that is a reprieve from pain and sadness and reminders of what has been lost. We generally associate the weekends with “time off”, “family time”, “sleeping in”, “taking mini one-day vacations”, or just “hanging out around the house killing time.” For the griever, none of these things are appealing, nor do they help!

What does help? What can I do on the weekend that will help me to heal and not hurt? First of all, have a plan. Not having a plan is planning to fail. Be sure to have something in mind: taking a walk, watching a movie, taking a drive in the car……..it’s always good to “do something” no matter how little that something is.

Secondly, be sure to surround yourself with lots of positives……positive photos, positive readings, postive music……things that will give you a healing message. The more we think about pain, the more the pain will intensify. And, on a better note, the more we think about positive things, the more positive we will feel. We can have a choice in this matter, and for the grieving person, this bit of “control” is significantly important!

Thirdly, remember that “this, too, shall pass.” The weekends will always be here, but the loneliness from loss won’t last forever. There will come a day when you will not feel so alone or so empty. If you have to, write that thought down on paper, and put that reminder in key places throughout the house where you can see it, read it, and hold that thought deep within your subconscious mind.

Finding a healing place is a task that every grieving person faces, and that place will be different for everyone. Do what is best for “you” and by doing so, your grief will not overtake you. By having a weekend plan, you also have a weekend place of healing!

What am I doing this weekend? What else……working in my flower beds. That is my weekend plan for a healing place!

What is a Grief Retreat?

Posted on by

When we think of the word “retreat” we generally think of a place to “get away”, “a hiding place”, “a place of restoration and replenishment”, and “a place to withdraw from regular routines.” All of those descriptions are true! And, when going to a “Grief Retreat” you can expect even more……..you can expect to gain a lifeline of support, and a nucleus of friendships, and coping skills that will aid you as you journey through this foreign land we call “grief.”

I am a Bereavement Facilitator, the author of the book Silent Grief (about “finding your way through the darkness” following child loss), and the founder of the www.silentgrief.com website. I am also a mom who has suffered six miscarriages, delivered a stillborn son, and experienced the pain of the death of my 13-year-old sister (when I was 15).

On September 18, 2009 there is an opportunity for parents, grandparents, siblings, and friends who have lost a child or loved one to gather together in the healing mountains of Pennsylvania to spend time together learning methods of healing and replenishment. This is the Second Silent Grief Retreat to be held, and it’s my hope that if your heart is in a place of pain from loss you will give yourself this “gift of life” by attending this Silent Grief Retreat.

Does it take guts to attend? It sure does! That first step is always the most difficult step. But, I can guarantee you that you will not regret going to this retreat! We will have lots of discussion, informal sessions together, meals together, alone time, fun time (including a hayride!), and times of meditation, relaxation, and prayer. Please visit www.clarahinton.com for the agenda and registration sign up form.

Why am I telling you about this? Because I want your heart to feel good again. I want you to experience joy again. I want you to feel warmth and friendship again. I want you to “feel.” I’ve “been there” in the grief realm, and my life, like the lives of so many, continues to be touched by grief in many different ways. But, I also know inner peace and joy and I want to share with you how to experience that, too.

Why not give the retreat a try? Open your heart to healing. I’d love to meet you, and welcome you into the “family of survivors” and help walk this walk of healing with you.

Do this one exercise for today: Visualize yourself as feeling peaceful. Think of a calm flowing stream. Close your eyes and listen to the gentle sounds of nature about you. Picture fields of fresh green grass and lovely flowers. Think of the most peaceful scene you can ever imagine….for me that would be walking along the shore of a seculded beach where the only thing I can see for miles and miles is the gorgeous blue sky and blue water. Inhale deeply and exhale slowly as you are thinking peaceful thoughts and visualizing peaceful places.

Finally, when you feel yourself being overcome with fear, doubt, stress, and anxiety, bring these peaceful thoughts and visions to mind and feel the peaceful calm enter your body and mind. Use this as one of your coping skills in difficult situations. It works every time!

Have a wonderful day today! Living life fully is a choice, and it is my hope that you will join me in the choice to have a beautiful day today!

Healing Can Be Found When We Look

Posted on by

So many times we want to just give up, give in, or check out when life becomes too heavy for us. I know because I’ve been there …… not just once, but many times. I’ve been to the point of feeling like there was no hope left….life could only get worse, not better.

BUT, something began to click for me, and it can click for you, too. For me, the catalyst was a rainbow. I remember it so well. I was crying …no, I was sobbing, as I was driving along the old country road that leads to home. I felt helpless and hopeless. I had recently delivered a stillborn baby boy, and my life fell apart. My heart was shattered…..I no longer felt alive. I felt lonely and in pain every minute of the day and night. But, there was this rainbow that appeared in the sky following a torrential downpour and some severe thunder and lightening. There in the sky was a visual reminder written against the backdrop of the universe that I was not alone. Somebody did care, and somebody was watching over me. Somebody felt the pain that I was feeling at that moment. And, that’s all I really needed…..somebody….anybody to care.

From that very moment, my tears began to subside, and I was able to see things that I hadn’t seen in months. I saw the silver lining that appeared on the clouds. I saw the sun peeking through the darkness. I saw the trees gently swaying in the summer breeze. I saw hope.

Nature is one of life’s greatest healers. Nature is just full of miracles of all kinds….from the unfolding of a bud into a blossom to the chirping of the crickets on a warm summer night. When we seek, we will find. When we look, we will see. When we search, we will find a way.

If your heart hurts today, right at this minute, STOP. Look around you. If you are not sitting in a place that is appropriate for healing, then move. Go take a walk. Get in the car and drive to the nearest park or lake. Find some flowers and trees. Listen to the sounds of nature. Allow it to speak to you. Allow the music of nature to calm your restless soul and help fill you with peace.

Come to think of it………I think I’m going to do just that. I’m going to go light a candle, put on some soft music, and visualize myself sitting on the shore of a beautiful ocean listening to the calm water rolling back and forth against the sand. That’s my healing place……. Now, how about if you take a long, cleansing breath, and find your special place of healing.